WHY DO MY KIDS HAVE TO BE SUCH JERKS TO EACH OTHER?

[Anonymous]

Time for new rules. Allow younger child to use the game first or a different schedule. 9 and 12 year olds can do lots of chores BEFORE they pick up a game controller.

I gave my kids monthly. assigned seats in the car because they wouldn’t stop wrestling over BEST SEAT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let them deal with it. Who cares.

OP here. I guess I have a hard time just letting it all go because the older one is smarter/more experienced than the younger one so he has the upper hand always and it doesn't seem fair. If they were equally matched, then sure, go ahead and battle it out, but they aren't. Plus, all that crying and whining gets on my nerves and makes it hard to do my job. Also, I just want them to realize that being nice to each other pays off more than being jerks - seems like a good life lesson that I am clearly not imparting well.

You must be a better person than me. The tenth time he didn’t clear the lunch dishes despite explicitly promising to, I really wanted to put them on his side of the bed! I didn’t. But the thought occurred to me.

Point is: quarantine makes people nuts. Keeps us alive but makes us short tempered. So a little compassion would go a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because the younger sibling is so so annoying - older sister here.

Because the older sibling is so bossy and likes to be a bully at times - younger sister here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because the younger sibling is so so annoying - older sister here.

Because the older sibling is so bossy and likes to be a bully at times - younger sister here.

OP here -- Speaking as a middle child, YOU ARE BOTH RIGHT! LOL.

Everything is calm and quiet for the moment so I'm counting my blessings.

[Anonymous]

Ditto a-freaking men. My 4 and 6yo drive me insane with the constant fighting and whining. I'm an only so this is such foreign territory.

[Anonymous]

I have 9 & 12 also - when they fight i tell them to work it out in the next 60 seconds or do X chore immediately

So basically - cut it out or I’ll find someone better for you to do like vacuum, clean your room, mow the lawn, etc.

Everyone gets along (or is at least separate and silent) after that.

[Anonymous]

Lol, maybe never. My husband and his brother get on each other’s nerves after 15 minutes, and my sister and I haven’t seen each other in 3 years because it’s always a fight—we alternate holidays with my parents since we both have to fly in.

Sorry, OP...that’s the risk of siblings.

[Anonymous]

You need to step in and not leave them to work it out. Model the behavior. Support. Don’t play favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they fight over turns, no one gets The Thing. Basically remove yourself from policing it. If they continue to bicker, they both go spend time alone in their rooms with NO electronics, because you have to work.

I do try to be mindful if the older one is bullying the little one, but I try not to step in. If someone is crying, everyone loses the item. This helps entice the older one to keep the younger one happy.

I tried this, too - but it would incent the younger to start screaming just so the older one wouldn't have it (or incent the older to get the younger one crying)

[Anonymous]

Op are you an only child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol, maybe never. My husband and his brother get on each other’s nerves after 15 minutes, and my sister and I haven’t seen each other in 3 years because it’s always a fight—we alternate holidays with my parents since we both have to fly in.

Sorry, OP...that’s the risk of siblings.

My sister and I never had much of a relationship and rarely talk to each other and maybe see each other 1-2 times a year for a few hours. She has no involvement with my kids (her choice but she's not into kids). Parents need to parent, teach kids, model and make things fair, especially because the oldest usually has the advantage. For your kids sake and their relationship, don't let them fight it out and keep things fair but also teach them and help them make good choices.

[Anonymous]

They are siblings and they are bored. It’s what siblings do when there’s not enough going on.

[Anonymous]

Ugh guess we have a long way to go. 7 & 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So tired of the constant stupid bickering between them and purposeful antagonizing. When are they mature enough to realize that if they cooperate with one another and stop getting on my nerves over stupid stuff both of their lives are so much easier and they get more of what they want?! Seriously, guys, if you just take turns on the electronics and let me do my work without constantly having to step in and mediate, I'll forget all about the time limits and you'll have hours. Instead, we're setting timers for taking turns and then I'm going to take it away from them.

Typical example: 12 year old will insist it's his turn to play with the xyz and then hang onto it without playing with it just so the 9 year old can't have it, just because it's his turn. Leaving the 9 year old to cry inconsolably. So fine, 12 year old, waste your turn for the joy of antagonizing your brother, then 9 year old gets his turn and then both of you must go outside and no one gets any more turns.

Have you tried coaching on conflict resolution? Asking, not prescribing... I realize every relationship is different. When mine get in this situation often they pull out a timer and can at least agree on turns that way. It’s hard — you have to make your expectations for the house environment heard if their conflicts are detracting from peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So tired of the constant stupid bickering between them and purposeful antagonizing. When are they mature enough to realize that if they cooperate with one another and stop getting on my nerves over stupid stuff both of their lives are so much easier and they get more of what they want?! Seriously, guys, if you just take turns on the electronics and let me do my work without constantly having to step in and mediate, I'll forget all about the time limits and you'll have hours. Instead, we're setting timers for taking turns and then I'm going to take it away from them.

Typical example: 12 year old will insist it's his turn to play with the xyz and then hang onto it without playing with it just so the 9 year old can't have it, just because it's his turn. Leaving the 9 year old to cry inconsolably. So fine, 12 year old, waste your turn for the joy of antagonizing your brother, then 9 year old gets his turn and then both of you must go outside and no one gets any more turns.

Have you tried coaching on conflict resolution? Asking, not prescribing... I realize every relationship is different. When mine get in this situation often they pull out a timer and can at least agree on turns that way. It’s hard — you have to make your expectations for the house environment heard if their conflicts are detracting from peace.

This is a good idea and they are not willing but if the 12 year old is not playing with the xyz and its a family toy and not the 12 year olds, they should hand it over. Or, go buy the 9 year old the same one.