Should I call out DH when he lies to people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either you find this charming and whimsical or you leave

Maybe if the stories were funny I would. But he’s being serious. And his diet fabrication is embarrassing being that he is clearly overweight and I see the look on our friends face and it’s clearly a (this man is delusional) look. So basically I am embarrassed for him and I don’t want him looking like a fool.

I think your more embarrassed about the weight than the exaggeration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned about what he's lied to you about. People who lie easily and unnecessarily are a red flag.

It's amazing. I used to think this about my wife. She's not my ex-wife, and the level of deceit that led up to the divorce made me remember all those times where I thought, "well, gee, if she lies about something so insignficant this reflexively, how will she behave when something really matter?" I found out...

Sounds like you were married to my ex-wife. I nearly chopped my tongue off because I had to bite it so often.

Because of her lying nature I was well-prepared for the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call him out in front of friends, but I would absolutely tease him about the untruths when we are alone. Like next time he pulls out a bag of chips - “wow, what happened to that diet you were telling Joe and Suzy about? I thought you weren’t hardly eating anything these days!”

+1

[Anonymous]

My cousin is like this. His wife finally left him.

[Anonymous]

I have a close friend who is an inveterate bullshitter but usually it is to make some story funnier so our group (friends since college) just lets it slide.

When he has veered into stretching the truth for some kind of brag, his wife has tempered it with the real story, but in a joking manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be more concerned about what he's lied to you about. People who lie easily and unnecessarily are a red flag.

It's amazing. I used to think this about my wife. She's not my ex-wife, and the level of deceit that led up to the divorce made me remember all those times where I thought, "well, gee, if she lies about something so insignficant this reflexively, how will she behave when something really matter?" I found out...

Sounds like you were married to my ex-wife. I nearly chopped my tongue off because I had to bite it so often.

Because of her lying nature I was well-prepared for the divorce.

My ex-husband too. About really stupid crap. But I think he actually believed his own lies. He would “go for a run”, be gone for 20 minutes, and walk in telling me just ran 5 miles.

[Anonymous]

Don't call him out in front of your friends. Yes, it's obnoxious. yes, he's in the wrong. But you are a team, for better and for worse.

What you need to do is start calling him out in private. Each and every time. "Hey, I noticed you said X to person Y about your job. You and I both know it isn't true - why did you say it?" Over and over and over again.

[Anonymous]

I have family members like this - I wonder if it's genetic!

I don't think they are lying, but they do exaggerate and believe it is truth. I tease all the time, how much "gas lighting" runs in this family - and even then, they don't always recognize it.

For instance, they will have the same convo over different days, but small details will change. They are not being deceitful, I don't know what to call it - selective memory and perception? It can be annoying, but mostly harmless.

[Anonymous]

I get so creeped out by people like this

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is embarrassed about his weight, and is defensive in response to the judgement he assumes is going on in people's heads.

It sounds to me like you do not respect him, and maybe even like him?

What would bother me most about this behavior (putting aside whether he lies to you), is the fact that it sort of requires you to lie to your friends too (by going along with false stories).

Sorry you are in this situation...I would think it will eventually cause your circle of friends to dwindle?? Does this worry you?

[Anonymous]

I used to be friends with someone like this. It was exhausting hanging out with her as I tried to figure out what was true and what was false. Stopped hanging for that reason

[Anonymous]

I couldn’t be married to someone like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call him out in front of friends, but I would absolutely tease him about the untruths when we are alone. Like next time he pulls out a bag of chips - “wow, what happened to that diet you were telling Joe and Suzy about? I thought you weren’t hardly eating anything these days!”

+ 1 Also, if he is 50 pounds overweight his friends probably don’t believe him.

I had a female friend like that. She was overweight but was convinced she ate only 1,000 calories a day and had a terrible metabolism. I usually just nodded and changed the subject. There was one day after we had gone out to Sunday brunch and started in on how she eats so little — “Except for brunch days! Then I eat 1,200 calories!” I almost laughed out loud before I realized she wasn’t kidding! That brunch was probably 3,000 calories!

[Anonymous]

Moving away from the food for a second because hoarding in closet and falling asleep while eating and lying about it sounds more like a disorder than about exaggerations.

What else does he do? Is it that he was runner up for a company award and he says he won? Or that the award is now named for him? In the car going home I would address that because that does seem like you need to reign it in.

When he does it does it make the story funny / more interesting (cause lots of people do that - the ending was really that your wallet was on the table but you lie and say someone posted to Nextdoor and returned it). That I would not address. Who cares if the boots were green and he says they are neon orange.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure your friends know he's lying. Especially if he says he's only eating 1000 calories a day.