Two kids has pushed me beyond my limitations

[Anonymous]

OP I can relate. My boys are 3 and almost 6. So much noise and chaos. I can handle two when the world isn't shut down but this is really hard. I'm really tired from doing most of my job at night so during the day I just don't have the energy and patience to parent them the way I would like. The fact that there is no end in sight does not help.

All of this would be so much easier with another adult who could help, or another family to hang out with. But we don't have that right now and I don't know if anyone will feel comfortable even playing outside this summer. A couple people I know have already teamed up with another family and I imagine they will want to keep their bubble at the current size. I've run into a couple of the moms in my neighborhood while on walks and they seem very anxious and unlikely to even do outdoor play this summer. This is all so hard and unsustainable.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it's more the pandemic. I have 2 boys who are 6 and 9. Having to play only with each other means that there are more fights than usual. At the same time though, I'm glad that they have each other to play with. Because they're older there are long stretches where they are just playing with each other and DH and I can get work done. I feel if I had just one, they'd be on screens all day long.

[Anonymous]

Train your kids to be quieter people. Everyone will appreciate this - not just you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the recent realization that having a second child pushed me beyond my limitations for noise and chaos. My kids are 5 and 3 and I'm totally in love with them both. Most of the time though, I hate spending time with them together because their personalities often change, they get whiney, compete for attention, argue, get rambunctious, etc. Even when they are getting along it's just a lot more noise and craziness. When I have either of them one-on-one, it is amazing. Chill, quality time. Opportunities for one-on-one time are few and far between, especially right now.

My tolerance for noise and chaos is low and it doesn't help that my youngest does that high-pitched thing that is like a knife to the head (and it rarely comes out if you are one-on-one with him, only when his sibling is around).

I'm not sure what the point of my thread is. Can anyone relate, though? How did you cope or manage to lower the chaos level in your house?

5 and 3 are SO hard. Now that mine are 6 and 8 things are a hundred times better. I don't mean to minimize the tough time you are in now, but I do think things are likely to be much better in just a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids both boys? Just curious.

Yes, they are both boys. Why?

--OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had the recent realization that having a second child pushed me beyond my limitations for noise and chaos. My kids are 5 and 3 and I'm totally in love with them both. Most of the time though, I hate spending time with them together because their personalities often change, they get whiney, compete for attention, argue, get rambunctious, etc. Even when they are getting along it's just a lot more noise and craziness. When I have either of them one-on-one, it is amazing. Chill, quality time. Opportunities for one-on-one time are few and far between, especially right now.

My tolerance for noise and chaos is low and it doesn't help that my youngest does that high-pitched thing that is like a knife to the head (and it rarely comes out if you are one-on-one with him, only when his sibling is around).

I'm not sure what the point of my thread is. Can anyone relate, though? How did you cope or manage to lower the chaos level in your house?

5 and 3 are SO hard. Now that mine are 6 and 8 things are a hundred times better. I don't mean to minimize the tough time you are in now, but I do think things are likely to be much better in just a few years.

Thank you. I have a fantasy that when my kids are 2-3 years older, things will be better. I always ask people with older kids not to tell me any differently, even if it's a lie.

With my oldest, ages 3 - 4.5 were really tough, so only one more year, I guess?

--OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had the recent realization that having a second child pushed me beyond my limitations for noise and chaos. My kids are 5 and 3 and I'm totally in love with them both. Most of the time though, I hate spending time with them together because their personalities often change, they get whiney, compete for attention, argue, get rambunctious, etc. Even when they are getting along it's just a lot more noise and craziness. When I have either of them one-on-one, it is amazing. Chill, quality time. Opportunities for one-on-one time are few and far between, especially right now.

My tolerance for noise and chaos is low and it doesn't help that my youngest does that high-pitched thing that is like a knife to the head (and it rarely comes out if you are one-on-one with him, only when his sibling is around).

I'm not sure what the point of my thread is. Can anyone relate, though? How did you cope or manage to lower the chaos level in your house?

I can relate 100% - including the high pitched noise my 3 year old makes. When I feel I am about to burst - I go to the backyard for one minute and stand there and concentrate on my breathing. Also, my husband takes them outside for an hour every afternoon (I take them outside for an hour every morning).

I also make sure to have worksheets on hand for my older one - so that I can send him to his room to do a special assignment when it gets too crazy with the two of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids both boys? Just curious.

Yes, they are both boys. Why?

--OP

NP here and my boys fight constantly at 5 and 3.5. I have a DD who is 18 months and they both adore her and never fight or compete with her for attention which surprised me as nursing and caring for a baby took away considerable attention from my boys.

[Anonymous]

No, you're just tired. Let them help you around the house. Have them try to fold baskets of laundry together (it will take a long time), get them a bunch of Legos, have them set the dinner table, involve them in making dinner ("I need two green peppers from the refrigerator, can you find them?").

Busy hands are happy hands for adults AND kids. My kids are teens and I was a SAHM when they were young. We didn't face a pandemic, but I spent 16-hour days with them on my own.

If all else fails, time them running upstairs one at a time until they're both exhausted while you sit pretending to count and drinking a glass of wine. That worked for me.

[Anonymous]

I'm with you; I've got three boys under 8. Even giving each of them 10-15 minutes of special one-on-one time every day helps a LOT with the competition. And make sure you tell them that it's special "mommy DS time" at the beginning and at the end and ignore all other distractions. It really helped my boys feel less competitive for my attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 3 yo has broken me multiple times a day. The 5 yo is a little better, but not when he perceives that his sibling got something that he did not. It's impossible to get any work done. I haven't had any free time since mid-March. No reading, no Netflix binging, nothing. I'm about ready to quit my job, but I'm the breadwinner. Eff all these people who claim that they have more time on their hands and are "bored." Eff them. Eff them. Eff them.

I'm with you. I have a picky eater- 4 year old daughter. I work full time in the hospital- I'm a nurse, so absolutely no time off for me. Then I come home, and have to fix dinner, of course, my child will not eat most of it anyway. Then I have to think what I'm gonna feed her, while I'm stuffed already from dinner that I just cooked. My husband is trying to help, but if he could, he would feed my child ice cream and macaroni and cheese all day, every day. I don't have time for myself ever, just so jealous of all non-working and teleworking people out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are your kids both boys? Just curious.

Yes, they are both boys. Why?

--OP

I was genuinely curious is all. Mine are boy/girl and yet they still fight terribly at times. I’m the PP with the annoying 7 and 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make any judgments about your limitations at such a challenging time. This lockdown stuff makes us all feel inadequate and slightly crazy at times. When life returns to normal, I think you may feel differently. It's ok to feel overwhelmed right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make any judgments about your limitations at such a challenging time. This lockdown stuff makes us all feel inadequate and slightly crazy at times. When life returns to normal, I think you may feel differently. It's ok to feel overwhelmed right now.

It was like this before lockdown. The more I reflect, the more I think it might be more of an I'm-parenting-a-3YO thing, rather than a 2-kids-thing. I've had more one-on-one time with my 3YO this week and he has been pretty delightful (with many frustrating moments). Tonight we let our 5YO stay up late to hang with us and that was also super delightful.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm in very similar shoes. Two boys, 5 and almost 3, with the same interactions you describe, down to the littler one doing the high pitched noise that activates my nervous system like nothing else does.

When we're inside, I try to keep them separate. I let one sit with me in my office, while the other one is downstairs with DH, and then they switch. Everyone also seems happy when they're outside, so we try to get out at least once a day.

It's incessant and it's hard.

Can you have your DH take them both outside a couple hours this weekend to give you some time to yourself?