First responder sibling losing their mind

[Anonymous]

OP, it would be NUTS to expect emotional support from a front-line worker. You just had a baby. You should have gathered your village before the baby was born, but if you haven't do it now and leave your sister out of it.

She does not have the emotional bandwidth for a new mother right now. I don't know why you would have even invited your sister over to see your baby to be honest.

[Anonymous]

The OP stated that her sister, when stressed, will lash out. To me, that is a problem. Since she has acted this way before, does she ultimately apologize or is it up to you let it go? Stress doesn’t give anyone the right to treat people badly. She needs to know that her behavior is unacceptable. Boundaries.

Congrats on the sweet baby. They are a blessing and it’s your job to keep this child healthy

[Anonymous]

The OP said the sibling showed up at her home, not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is a med-surge nurse handling Covid patients daily since March. She has developed severe service anxiety, gotten an online therapist, gotten on medication, and took a short leave of absence from her job (but was threatened by the hospital to be fired if she didn't come back so she's back working). She's ultra paranoid about covid but not being rational in her actions to coincide with that paranoia (sometimes wants to see my parents who are very old, getting upset if people are wearing masks in public and then getting upset when they're not, disinfecting groceries but going to get take out, making her own wipes because she doesn't trust factories, making her kids take off their clothes in the yard and hosing them down when coming back from a park, etc). She also complains that people in her neighborhood treat her like she is wearing a scarlet letter and purposefully avoid her and her children when they're out of walks or riding bikes because of where she works (a kid told them that was why they had to cross the street, because his mom said they had bad germs from the hospital).

I am treating my sister with grace and patience. She's literally trying to keep her head together, keep her job, keep her family safe, pay her bills, etc. Perhaps your sister is deal with incredible stress on all levels from all directions. Take a pause, take a breath, imagine being in her situation, hug your baby. Hopefully this will pass.

Wow. I feel for your sister. You are a great sister to her.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how you asked, OP.

FWIW your OP has a lot of criticism and blaming of others, beginning with the very first line. I can only imagine how you came across in your interaction with your sister. You should remember that it takes two people to get into an altercation.

You've indicated that this is an ongoing pattern. Figure out what you're doing to instigate with your sister and then stop doing it. For this instance, it means finding a better way for you to state your position with your sister so that she can visit you and the baby. Being a new mother is not an acceptable excuse for not being polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how you asked, OP.

FWIW your OP has a lot of criticism and blaming of others, beginning with the very first line. I can only imagine how you came across in your interaction with your sister. You should remember that it takes two people to get into an altercation.

You've indicated that this is an ongoing pattern. Figure out what you're doing to instigate with your sister and then stop doing it. For this instance, it means finding a better way for you to state your position with your sister so that she can visit you and the baby. Being a new mother is not an acceptable excuse for not being polite.

Huh? Its entirely possible that OP's sister is just an asshole.

Why do we always try to poke holes in any OP's story on this board?!

[Anonymous]

I've noticed that physicians don't appear to be as concerned about this virus as many of the paraprofessionals are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe it or not, over the years your sister has also cared for patients with influenza, HIV, RSV, and every other communicable disease out there. And she will continue to do so after the media firestorm that has made everyone an epidemiologist dies down.

I agree that this is probably not the best time to visit the baby - because she should respect what you are comfortable with. She will always be working with communicable diseases, you can't ban her for life from your family or demand she bathe in Purell prior to being in your presence. The two of you need to figure out how you can sanely be in each other's presence because your both being a bit inflexible.

I disagree with this. It is perfectly reasonable to expect she use Purell and even wear a mask. OP is not inflexible.

OP my sister is a Dr. too, but we are not as close in part because she is so prone to lash out and be irrational long before Covid. It has caused her problems in her personal life. Given all the stress your sister is under, I would give her a pass for being an ass hole and remain calm, but not let her near your baby or you right now. FaceTime or Zoom is the way to go. When you feel comfortable, she has to follow the rules. Period.If not, she cannot come.

FWIW, my sister takes terrible care of her health. It's like she is so smart in one area, and frighteningly ignorant in so many others.

[Anonymous]

She should not be visiting your house with your newborn baby if she IS wearing a mask. And sadly, if she is insisting on visiting your parents (which she should not be doing even with a mask) then you should not be visiting your parents either.

[Anonymous]

A local teacher near me was going to see her newborn grandson. Her daughter insisted a covid test. Guess wha she had no symptoms and test came back positive! She had been going to the grocery store and also the school. OP you were right to deny her a visit without precautions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on how you asked, OP.

FWIW your OP has a lot of criticism and blaming of others, beginning with the very first line. I can only imagine how you came across in your interaction with your sister. You should remember that it takes two people to get into an altercation.

You've indicated that this is an ongoing pattern. Figure out what you're doing to instigate with your sister and then stop doing it. For this instance, it means finding a better way for you to state your position with your sister so that she can visit you and the baby. Being a new mother is not an acceptable excuse for not being polite.

Huh? Its entirely possible that OP's sister is just an asshole.

Why do we always try to poke holes in any OP's story on this board?!

Because OP says in her first paragraph that the first response from these people was that she needs to stop complaining. That isn't the typical response people give to a new mother and it is a strong indicator that OP isn't giving both sides of the story. And I agree with the other PPs that OP should not have been burdening her first responder sister with all of this. OP should be going out of her way to boost her sister, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m a doctor too, and although my focus isn’t on covid patients, the worry of constant exposure since I am seeing sick patients in the hospital, the fear of passing it on inadvertently to my other patients or my family, the changes to the hospital structure, the feeling of friends and strangers avoiding me, the fact that many of my peers are furloughed and are on jeopardy leaving me to work longer hours, and the fact that I haven’t had more than a day (when I’m lucky a full weekend) off since thanksgiving has really take a toll. I come home crying on a regular basis, even now. Even though I live in a city that’s not a hot spot. I’m having a hard time really connecting with people, and that in part is due to me regressing into myself. They tell you in medical school not to try and explain how hard medicine is to other people who have gone through other types of grad school, bc they would never understand. That’s also how also how I feel about working through COVID. When I try to explain my feelings to my family or friends they just say- stay safe and change the topic. So I stop. And my mental health is really struggling. I can’t imagine being like you’re sister and having to face such ill patients every day and feeling like she is probably covered in it. Knowing that although she’ll likely be fine, that everyone else is terrified of her and probably to some extent isn’t as appreciative of her. It is taking a toll. Please show her some grace.

[Anonymous]

My sister sounds similar. She’s not in the medical field, but when she gets stressed out, she lashes out. She has a way of finding your weakness and exploiting it. Good times with her are really good, but the bad times are miserable. She’s my only sibling and I feel like the good times are worth maintaining our relationship.

I’ve learned to be somewhat guarded with her about sensitive issues, just in case she ever attacks again. I’ve become really careful to ask before giving advice, and I try really hard to validate her feelings so she feels heard. Those things sort of prevent her exploding over smaller stressful situations. When she does go off the rails, I step back and give her space so I’m not close enough to be her target. Usually she calms down and we can move forward. If she needs more time to recenter herself, we take a longer break. Basically, I’m there for her until she starts being mean to me, then I back off before she can be cruel. It’s not a great solution, but it has gotten better over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister sounds similar. She’s not in the medical field, but when she gets stressed out, she lashes out. She has a way of finding your weakness and exploiting it. Good times with her are really good, but the bad times are miserable. She’s my only sibling and I feel like the good times are worth maintaining our relationship.

I’ve learned to be somewhat guarded with her about sensitive issues, just in case she ever attacks again. I’ve become really careful to ask before giving advice, and I try really hard to validate her feelings so she feels heard. Those things sort of prevent her exploding over smaller stressful situations. When she does go off the rails, I step back and give her space so I’m not close enough to be her target. Usually she calms down and we can move forward. If she needs more time to recenter herself, we take a longer break. Basically, I’m there for her until she starts being mean to me, then I back off before she can be cruel. It’s not a great solution, but it has gotten better over the years.

OMG, you just described my relationship with my elderly mother. Sorry to hijack!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m a doctor too, and although my focus isn’t on covid patients, the worry of constant exposure since I am seeing sick patients in the hospital, the fear of passing it on inadvertently to my other patients or my family, the changes to the hospital structure, the feeling of friends and strangers avoiding me, the fact that many of my peers are furloughed and are on jeopardy leaving me to work longer hours, and the fact that I haven’t had more than a day (when I’m lucky a full weekend) off since thanksgiving has really take a toll. I come home crying on a regular basis, even now. Even though I live in a city that’s not a hot spot. I’m having a hard time really connecting with people, and that in part is due to me regressing into myself. They tell you in medical school not to try and explain how hard medicine is to other people who have gone through other types of grad school, bc they would never understand. That’s also how also how I feel about working through COVID. When I try to explain my feelings to my family or friends they just say- stay safe and change the topic. So I stop. And my mental health is really struggling. I can’t imagine being like you’re sister and having to face such ill patients every day and feeling like she is probably covered in it. Knowing that although she’ll likely be fine, that everyone else is terrified of her and probably to some extent isn’t as appreciative of her. It is taking a toll. Please show her some grace.

I’m so saddened to hear this. How can someone best support a medical worker during this time?