Struggling with DS17 and video games

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 2 warnings I turn the router off. Only had to do it twice in the last two months.

Thank you.

I like this. I had a similar suggestion - but he got angry because somehow, he will "get banned" for dropping out of a game while in play. Maybe the two wannrings and then it goes off is a good solution.

Can you tell me how long the router went off for?

DP: True: on line real time games are trickier, because you aren't just punishing him, but everyone he's playing with too. It kind of like turning off the outside lights in the middle of a two team basketball game because your one kid didn't come home when called. Something to consider, since the more his friends start hating him, the more he'll start hating you. To combat this, we told DS that he may not start those kinds of games after 9 pm or he is choosing to risk getting shut off and making his friends mad. Like anything, setting rules up front that are reasonable and considerate of everyone tends to work best.

I get it - and thanks for the discussion.

We gave him an 11p cut off - no talking that can disturb the sleep of others - but that feels unreasonable to him. Also, that doesn't solve the random shouting/outbursts throughout the day that, as I said, range from aggravating to disruptive.

It's really coming down to him thinking that any restriction on his play time/way of playing isn't fair. Meanwhile, we all just have to deal with the disruption. I appreciate your suggestions and comments. It's helping me work through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are probably hearing my teen through your kid's headset. LOL!

So, my kid has finals and AP tests, so school work comes first, obviously. But after that, the computer is the best way to keep him in the house (and we have an immune-compromised person in our home). If he's loud when others have gone to bed, we turn off the internet, so he's not loud at night. We also just ordered a sound barrier blanket to hang in the room (it doubles as a green screen so he loves it). This is mostly in anticipation of summer when he no longer is in class all day, and we still have to work at home.

Forgot to ask: does it work?

It is not sound proofing, but dampening. Sound waves are absorbed instead of bouncing off. Sound will still travel, but less amplified. It also improves the sound in the room if your kids do any recording. Mine is in theater sound, so he repositions it to create different sound effects when recording his own sound file creations.

Got it. Wonder if it will work in this situation. I want to be understanding/accommodating, to a degree - but I also want him to get that he has to be considerate of others. A two way street, so to speak. Right now, he's just not there.

[Anonymous]

From the posts here, it sounds as if the problem is not video games. The problem is that your son is being loud and obnoxious. Solve that problem.

[Anonymous]

Gaming ends at the time you choose. It’s your house and you need sleep and some peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From the posts here, it sounds as if the problem is not video games. The problem is that your son is being loud and obnoxious. Solve that problem.

He IS being loud and obnoxious - when he plays the video game. Generally, he is otherwise pretty quiet and respectful. Admittedly, he has his moments - but he is a teen after all.

Any suggestion on how to solve the loud and obnoxious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

He's 17, not 7. Different ages have different consequences.

[Anonymous]

People engaged in competitive games, whether its on a field, in a ping pong room, tennis court or video arcade, heck even a Monopoly game in our house, get loud when the action gets exciting.

Don't attack the activity, but focus on the setting. He's playing an indoor game in a shared space, so he needs to recognize that, exciting as it may be, his game play will bleed into other people's space. His activities are important to him, but everyone else has needs too, and in shared living quarters, everyone has to compromise a bit. So you discuss it, figure out where needs will conflict (bed time, movie watching, and WFH office hours), and come up with workable solutions together (even though you likely already have the end game in mind, his input matters given his age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

He's 17, not 7. Different ages have different consequences.

My kid is 16 and I've taken this games away plenty of times for different reasons. But the OP sounds weak and doesn't want her kid to be mad at her. Whatever. My house, my rules. I wouldn't allow anyone to make my life miserable in my own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

He's 17, not 7. Different ages have different consequences.

My kid is 16 and I've taken this games away plenty of times for different reasons. But the OP sounds weak and

doesn't want her kid to be mad at her

. Whatever. My house, my rules. I wouldn't allow anyone to make my life miserable in my own home.

Nice try - but I'm the father. And I generally agree with "my house my rules".

In this situation, we are dealing with two households. Mine and his mother's. I tend to have rules that are "more strict" (my house/my rules) and that I believe will provide boundaries that will serve him later in life. His mother tends to let him do whatever pleases him. Not exactly an easy situation, and yes, our ability to co-parent is questionable at best.

Since about midway through 16, he has taken to choosing to "go to mom's" whenever we have a conflict. It's not that I don't want him to be mad at me- but I am always treading on the line of him choosing to live with his mother. Like it or not, that colors my ability to make decisions that I believe are best for my son and my household.

Any thoughts there?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People engaged in competitive games, whether its on a field, in a ping pong room, tennis court or video arcade, heck even a Monopoly game in our house, get loud when the action gets exciting.

Don't attack the activity, but focus on the setting. He's playing an indoor game in a shared space, so he needs to recognize that, exciting as it may be, his game play will bleed into other people's space. His activities are important to him, but everyone else has needs too, and in shared living quarters, everyone has to compromise a bit. So you discuss it, figure out where needs will conflict (bed time, movie watching, and WFH office hours), and come up with workable solutions together (even though you likely already have the end game in mind, his input matters given his age).

Thanks - and I did ask. Right now, he feels like any compromise/reduction of playing time is unfair - and hasn't yet come to me with proposed solutions.

I'm about to set him up in the garage, even though I know that ultimately doesn't send the right message/teach the right lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

He's 17, not 7. Different ages have different consequences.

My kid is 16 and I've taken this games away plenty of times for different reasons. But the OP sounds weak and

doesn't want her kid to be mad at her

. Whatever. My house, my rules. I wouldn't allow anyone to make my life miserable in my own home.

Nice try - but I'm the father. And I generally agree with "my house my rules".

In this situation, we are dealing with two households. Mine and his mother's. I tend to have rules that are "more strict" (my house/my rules) and that I believe will provide boundaries that will serve him later in life. His mother tends to let him do whatever pleases him. Not exactly an easy situation, and yes, our ability to co-parent is questionable at best.

Since about midway through 16, he has taken to choosing to "go to mom's" whenever we have a conflict. It's not that I don't want him to be mad at me- but I am always treading on the line of him choosing to live with his mother. Like it or not, that colors my ability to make decisions that I believe are best for my son and my household.

Any thoughts there?

If he doesn't like the fact that you have rules, he can leave. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

So happy to hear this tough love. The hard part for me is it’s either hearing the yelling at the TV or the yelling at me because it’s off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if gets too loud during the day, take away his gaming stuff.

He's 17, not 7. Different ages have different consequences.

My kid is 16 and I've taken this games away plenty of times for different reasons. But the OP sounds weak and

doesn't want her kid to be mad at her

. Whatever. My house, my rules. I wouldn't allow anyone to make my life miserable in my own home.

Nice try - but I'm the father. And I generally agree with "my house my rules".

In this situation, we are dealing with two households. Mine and his mother's. I tend to have rules that are "more strict" (my house/my rules) and that I believe will provide boundaries that will serve him later in life. His mother tends to let him do whatever pleases him. Not exactly an easy situation, and yes, our ability to co-parent is questionable at best.

Since about midway through 16, he has taken to choosing to "go to mom's" whenever we have a conflict. It's not that I don't want him to be mad at me- but I am always treading on the line of him choosing to live with his mother. Like it or not, that colors my ability to make decisions that I believe are best for my son and my household.

Any thoughts there?

If he doesn't like the fact that you have rules, he can leave. Problem solved.

Okay. And I'm not a jerk for letting that happen?

I don't want to abdicate on my responsibility of raising my son into adulthood. But I honestly feel like I can't win in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From the posts here, it sounds as if the problem is not video games. The problem is that your son is being loud and obnoxious. Solve that problem.

He IS being loud and obnoxious - when he plays the video game. Generally, he is otherwise pretty quiet and respectful. Admittedly, he has his moments - but he is a teen after all.

Any suggestion on how to solve the loud and obnoxious?

I think it depends on how obnoxious you are talking. Sounding irritated but attempting to comply is completely different than outright refusal, saying hurtful/rude things.