Can someone please break down the pros and cons of Waldorf and Montessori for me? Critical in laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them that you are happy with your decision in schools and it's not open for discussion. Then change the subject.

Agree, BUT:

OP, your HUSBAND addresses this with them. Not you. Him.

His boundary-busting parents are his problem to handle (as your own parents are if they do things that are intrusive)

I'm amazed that the responses so far treat this as if you are the person to nip this, to say X or Y to the in-laws. No. Many in-laws are going to dismiss what the daugher-in-law or son-in-law says, but will back away if their own adult child steps up and says, this topic is closed for good. If your husband is reluctant to do this--as the saying goes: Then you have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem.

He needs to start ending all conversations as soon as they utter a word of criticism about school, BTW. "Remember how I said that the topic of school choice is closed? If you'd like to talk about what the kids are up to, and what they're enjoying about class, that's great, but if you choose to ask again about school choice we'll need to say goodbye now and talk another day." Every. Single. Time.

[Anonymous]

freeze in place and then turn your computer off - they will assume you were having wifi issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them that you are happy with your decision in schools and it's not open for discussion. Then change the subject.

Agree, BUT:

OP, your HUSBAND addresses this with them. Not you. Him.

His boundary-busting parents are his problem to handle (as your own parents are if they do things that are intrusive)

I'm amazed that the responses so far treat this as if you are the person to nip this, to say X or Y to the in-laws. No. Many in-laws are going to dismiss what the daugher-in-law or son-in-law says, but will back away if their own adult child steps up and says, this topic is closed for good. If your husband is reluctant to do this--as the saying goes: Then you have a husband problem, not just an in-law problem.

He needs to start ending all conversations as soon as they utter a word of criticism about school, BTW. "Remember how I said that the topic of school choice is closed? If you'd like to talk about what the kids are up to, and what they're enjoying about class, that's great, but if you choose to ask again about school choice we'll need to say goodbye now and talk another day." Every. Single. Time.

Agree—he needs to say it but she also needs to be consistent. United front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell IL's you are the parents and happy with the education decisions you've made for your children. Keep changing the subject and don't defend yourself. " We're do happy with the school the kids are in." Hey FIL how's your golf game going?

This. And if they push really hard then I would bring up that super low vaccination rate that a PP mentioned. That would make a school a complete NO GO for us. Not to sidetrack the thread but I don't think the state should allow schools to have such low vaccination rates. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Tell them about the freaky faceless dolls and the songs to woodland spirits in Waldorf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Waldorf and Montessori have very different educational philosophies. I’ve never known anyone who loved (or was that strong a proponent) of both.

I think they just want to complain and criticize.

It’s probably an anti-mass-producing-kids thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, my in-laws are very judgmental that my children attend public and not Montessori or Waldorf school, of which they are enormous proponents.
We send our kids to public because (a) we can afford it (b) we have good public schools in our town and (c) the people I have met who do Montessori or Waldorf have been very judgmental or sort of...insular. I am sure not everyone is like that but it has been my experience.

We are doing a huge family Zoom with them tomorrow and I know they will bring it up again. They bring it up whenever we speak, which is its own issue, but anyway - with more time on my hands I'd like some more well-reasoned arguments about why these schools aren't the be all and end all, as well as why they might be awesome and beneficial! I am open to all sides, just want to be more conversant in the philosophies.

Np I wouldn't bother with finding any arguments or try to defend yourself It won't work and you will find yourself arguing more when basically it is none of their business. They got to educate their children and you get to educate your children. This is what I would say:

Your inlaws_Why don't you send Timmy and Olive to the local Waldorf school or Montessori?

You: I know you are coming from a place of love but, DH and I have thought long and hard about what is best for the kids and right now we are happy with our choice. If we decide to change our minds we will ask your input on our education choice but, until that time we would prefer not to discuss this topic every single time we talk.

If they bring it up again end the call or change the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they offering to pay for either of those schools? If they are not they have absolutely no say in your decisions. Now if they are offering full pay for all your kids I might at least consider them at least for elem.

If I was happy with my choice I wouldn't accept any money to send them where someone else wants my kids to go.

[Anonymous]

100% agree with PPs. You don't want a well-reasoned argument, you want exit strategies.

FIL: "I heard kids at Waldorf schools attend Harvard at twice the rate of public school kids"
You: Oh, interesting.

MIL: "Montesorri has a philosophy of turning children into award-winning artists by third grade. What does your school do?"
You: Oh, interesting. I'm not sure.

Just be non-committal. No need to be rude, no need to shut them down (unless it gets personal), but just let it slide right off. "Oh." "Interesting." "I'll have to think about that." "I'm not sure."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:100% agree with PPs. You don't want a well-reasoned argument, you want exit strategies.

FIL: "I heard kids at Waldorf schools attend Harvard at twice the rate of public school kids"
You: Oh, interesting.

MIL: "Montesorri has a philosophy of turning children into award-winning artists by third grade. What does your school do?"
You: Oh, interesting. I'm not sure.

Just be non-committal. No need to be rude, no need to shut them down (unless it gets personal), but just let it slide right off. "Oh." "Interesting." "I'll have to think about that." "I'm not sure."

I mean, this is one approach. Another approach is to go on the offensive. I recommend:

"Waldorf pedagogy is steeped in pseudo-religious nonsense, and the focus on Northern European mythology as the pinnacle of human expression is racist."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:freeze in place and then turn your computer off - they will assume you were having wifi issues.

Hahaha awesome

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read the replies, OP, but I think you are on the wrong track entirely. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I think you are much better off developing the backbone to say: thanks for sharing your thoughts. However, we have decided to xyz and don’t want to talk about it anymore.

[Anonymous]

You are making the mistake of thinking that your in-laws are thinking rationally about these schools and that if you present them with logical arguments they will change their mind. Don’t even go there you won’t win. I’d just ignore them or make some sort of statement like “it is so odd that you keep bringing this up every time we talk.”

[Anonymous]

You should ask Jeff to move this to "Schools and Education - General Discussion" or one of the many other schooling forums.

You'll get a LOT more traffic in one of those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them about the freaky faceless dolls and the songs to woodland spirits in Waldorf.

Say what?

Now I’m curious about what’s going on at those schools?! Tell me more!