Visitation with sibling in daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

Your DH is an ASS. As a stepmom, if mom would give me the kid, I'd take the kid and tell husband to get out. I would not put my 2 year old in day care right now. You can hire someone to come in and care for the kids if money is not an issue. You can always put the 6 year old on an iPad with educational games for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, all. Asking to take 6 during the day is a good idea I'm embarrassed I didn't think of.

Making DH choose between kids is more stark than I had thought of it, but is of course absolutely right. I definitely do not want to do that. Want to protect 2 as much as possible, but she would also hate to be away from DH (and the other DCs!), and the risk to small children remains pretty low, I think.

The risk is greater than they are probably stating but this is his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

Your DH is an ASS. As a stepmom, if mom would give me the kid, I'd take the kid and tell husband to get out. I would not put my 2 year old in day care right now. You can hire someone to come in and care for the kids if money is not an issue. You can always put the 6 year old on an iPad with educational games for a few hours.

Why is he an ass just because you (and OP) don’t agree with him on the daycare thing? Both the 6 and 2 year old are his children, too. Should he not get a say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

DH is a douche. No wonder he is divorced. He is putting himself before all of his kids. He doesn’t want to parent, he wants someone else to watch his kids so he can be left alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

Your DH is an ASS. As a stepmom, if mom would give me the kid, I'd take the kid and tell husband to get out. I would not put my 2 year old in day care right now. You can hire someone to come in and care for the kids if money is not an issue. You can always put the 6 year old on an iPad with educational games for a few hours.

Why is he an ass just because you (and OP) don’t agree with him on the daycare thing? Both the 6 and 2 year old are his children, too. Should he not get a say?

He's an ass for not asking to take his son more if mom is struggling and needs help. Why would you put a 2 year old in day care if you don't need to with the virus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

DH is a douche. No wonder he is divorced. He is putting himself before all of his kids. He doesn’t want to parent, he wants someone else to watch his kids so he can be left alone.

+1, as a parent, why would you refuse to take your child if the other parent needs support and why would you then put two kids in day care right now. They can hire a babysitter for the price of two in child care. And, how does a 6 year old even go to day care now. There are no full day cares open except for essential workers, which he is not. Most camps are closing for safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

Your DH is an ASS. As a stepmom, if mom would give me the kid, I'd take the kid and tell husband to get out. I would not put my 2 year old in day care right now. You can hire someone to come in and care for the kids if money is not an issue. You can always put the 6 year old on an iPad with educational games for a few hours.

Why is he an ass just because you (and OP) don’t agree with him on the daycare thing? Both the 6 and 2 year old are his children, too. Should he not get a say?

He's an ass for not asking to take his son more if mom is struggling and needs help. Why would you put a 2 year old in day care if you don't need to with the virus?

Because they are all working from home full time? I’m not sure why you are being so purposely dense. Just because he and XW have a different comfort level with a daycare that is running a “camp” program doesn’t make him worthy of being called an ass. Is XW an ass for considering it also?

XW said the 6 year old is bored and acting out. That isn’t going to change with a change of households where both parents are still working full time and unable to entertain him. It might not be the choice you would make, but it’s a valid choice.

[Anonymous]

He wants the 6 year old to go because once the 6 year old is in daycare, he sees no reason not to send the 2 year old too. He is tired of parenting and working and sees this as the opportunity to offload the 2 year old as the 6 year old will already be in care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH is fine with 6 enrolling in the daycare program, and now wants to enroll our 2 year old in the adjoining daycare program too, so we can work more easily (like many, we've been splitting shifts during the day). If this is an aggressive bargaining position to make me feel better about "just" the 6 year old going, it's working!

That makes absolutely no sense to put the 2 year old in day care to humor his ex-wife. Offer to take the 6 year old as much as mom needs. How is this even an issue?

DH doesn't think we should take the 6 year old -- he says he wouldn't be able to work enough. Which is also why he would like for the 2 year old to go (though I have no idea if that is even a viable option space-wise at the facility, and in any case he hasn't insisted on it over my objection). So it sounds like 6 will go to daycare. Like others have said, it is what it is, and I've always tended to be over-anxious. My worry now is what happens if the 6 year old gets a fever before a visit, or if someone at the center tests positive or something -- DH says he wouldn't want to skip a visit. But that may not even happen, so worrying about that is over-anxious too.

Your DH is an ASS. As a stepmom, if mom would give me the kid, I'd take the kid and tell husband to get out. I would not put my 2 year old in day care right now. You can hire someone to come in and care for the kids if money is not an issue. You can always put the 6 year old on an iPad with educational games for a few hours.

Why is he an ass just because you (and OP) don’t agree with him on the daycare thing? Both the 6 and 2 year old are his children, too. Should he not get a say?

He's an ass for not asking to take his son more if mom is struggling and needs help. Why would you put a 2 year old in day care if you don't need to with the virus?

Because they are all working from home full time? I’m not sure why you are being so purposely dense. Just because he and XW have a different comfort level with a daycare that is running a “camp” program doesn’t make him worthy of being called an ass. Is XW an ass for considering it also?

XW said the 6 year old is bored and acting out. That isn’t going to change with a change of households where both parents are still working full time and unable to entertain him. It might not be the choice you would make, but it’s a valid choice.

The XW needs help. He needs to step up and help if she will let him. The child is 6. No 6 year olds go to day care and he should be homeschooling right now. I get the XW needs help, but Dad needs to offer and actually help. OP needs to stop having kids with this man.

[Anonymous]

You don't have a choice except to give up custody and that's not really a choice.

I'n in the same situation. It sucks but there is literally nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, he moved on pretty fast to New Second Family.

+1 Ha. I had the same thought too. Moved on quickly and apparently has very little visitation. I'm sure there's more to that story.

OP, you either provide care for the 6 year old or the kid goes to daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, he moved on pretty fast to New Second Family.

+1 Ha. I had the same thought too. Moved on quickly and apparently has very little visitation. I'm sure there's more to that story.

OP, you either provide care for the 6 year old or the kid goes to daycare.

Both parents are remarried and moved on. Its ok mom did but not dad? He may only have gotten that visitation as mom refused more with young kids. Probably a lot more to the story but sad he doesn't ask to take both kids more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't have a choice except to give up custody and that's not really a choice.

I'n in the same situation. It sucks but there is literally nothing you can do.

They don't have custody.