Approaches to alcohol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French.

Parents introduce alcohol at home, in small and supervised quantities, so that kids are not surprised or excited by the act of drinking. Most parents insist on moderation, and, in our personal case, explain that our kids might have inherited their parents' low tolerance for alcohol.

It turns out our kids hate the taste of alcohol. We were like this at their age, and now DH and I consume rarely, and in very small quantities (a few glasses a year). So I'm really not worried.

I'm not French, but this is our approach as well.

DH and I both grew up with an alcoholic parent, so we have lived it and know very well the consequences of alcoholism. We're under no illusion this approach will inoculate our kids from it, but we hope it will help them develop a "no big deal" attitude towards drinking.

I am European and this is our approach as well. But I do not judge others, who approach it differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No alcohol until 21 in our house. But my husband and I don't drink much at all, so that is an easier rule for us to model and enforce.

Same. We have several bottles of liquor at home but rarely, rarely touch them. I don't drink wine or beer and DH occasionally has wine but doesn't care for beer. We've never threatened our kids and see that as basically a reason to rebel. I often remind my kids of all the good they have going for them and how much they have to lose for a bad decision. They are very knowledgeable about drunk driving, sexual assault risks, and just general stupid drunk behavior to they understand. My 20 year old said that it's easy enough to do stupid things with lasting consequences when sober so why tempt fate. She goes to plenty of parties and has plenty of friends and no one gives her grief that she doesn't drink. She probably will eventually but she's sensible.

[Anonymous]

I am a criminal defense attorney so my every day life is people whose lives are ruined, ended, or at best disrupted by alcohol and/or drugs. In Virginia, underage possession of alcohol is a class one misdemeanor. A DWI first offense triggers a loss of license for one year. A second DWI conviction triggers mandatory jail and a three year loss of license. I don’t have any problem with that mom. I’d shake her hand and thank her for her service. I wish more parents took it seriously.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both recovering alcoholics (as is my FIL and several members of my extended family), so my son knows that there will be not tolerance of underage drinking in this house. Alcohol almost ruined our lives, and you'd better believe that I won't minimize the dangers of alcohol to my teenager.

[Anonymous]

You're conflating two things. One is the attitude of alcohol is not ok until 21, at all. The other is talking to your kid like that. Seems like you are judging both, but they are not the same issue.

[Anonymous]

Just basing this on my own family: my parents don't drink much, but are not teetotalers. They do have a drink or two at parties, holidays, family gatherings etc. No history of alcoholism, just not much interest.

I am the oldest and was not even allowed ONE sip of champagne at a New Year's Eve party as a 17 year old. I rebelled. I don't drink much as an adult but definitely did more than my fair share of drinking in my late teens all the way into my early 20s.

My parents were more permissive with my much younger sister in every way, including with drinking. If she wanted a sip of wine as a 16 year old at the family Seder, she got one. She didn't have much interest in drinking until college, and similarly to me, barely drinks now as an adult.

For my kids, moderation will be the approach. I'm not going to make drinking an irresistible forbidden thing the way my parents did with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know my kids will drink senior year of HS and through college. I don't think it's a big deal.

Curious, why? I didn’t drink until college. Neither did my circle of friends. Why do you think this is a forgone conclusion for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know my kids will drink senior year of HS and through college. I don't think it's a big deal.

Curious, why? I didn’t drink until college. Neither did my circle of friends. Why do you think this is a forgone conclusion for your kids?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK44364/

[Anonymous]

Knowing that most kids drink in college, my kids are allowed to have one drink on a rare occasion at home starting at 17 at my house. I want them to know how it affects them. I want to be able to have a million conversations about alcohol before they leave the house. I want them to know they don’t have to hide it from us and if a friend is ever in trouble that they need to call 911 and if they ever have questions they can call us. I drill into their heads from day 1 that no matter how little you have had to drink, you don’t drive. And you don’t ever trust a friend that has had anything to drink is fine to drive either. It’s like sex (which, no, I don’t allow in my house, so let’s not derail this thread). Alcohol isn’t inherently evil, but it’s dangerous if you’re too young or if you’re crossing the lines. And if you ignore the fact that it exists and refuse to believe it will ever happen, you may miss the opportunity to help your kids make good decisions because they’ll just hide it from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just basing this on my own family: my parents don't drink much, but are not teetotalers. They do have a drink or two at parties, holidays, family gatherings etc. No history of alcoholism, just not much interest.

I am the oldest and was not even allowed ONE sip of champagne at a New Year's Eve party as a 17 year old. I rebelled. I don't drink much as an adult but definitely did more than my fair share of drinking in my late teens all the way into my early 20s.

My parents were more permissive with my much younger sister in every way, including with drinking. If she wanted a sip of wine as a 16 year old at the family Seder, she got one. She didn't have much interest in drinking until college, and similarly to me, barely drinks now as an adult.

For my kids, moderation will be the approach. I'm not going to make drinking an irresistible forbidden thing the way my parents did with me.

The "forbidden fruit myth" is just that... a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know my kids will drink senior year of HS and through college. I don't think it's a big deal.

Curious, why? I didn’t drink until college. Neither did my circle of friends. Why do you think this is a forgone conclusion for your kids?

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK44364/

Do you not have confidence in your parenting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm French.

Parents introduce alcohol at home, in small and supervised quantities, so that kids are not surprised or excited by the act of drinking. Most parents insist on moderation, and, in our personal case, explain that our kids might have inherited their parents' low tolerance for alcohol.

It turns out our kids hate the taste of alcohol. We were like this at their age, and now DH and I consume rarely, and in very small quantities (a few glasses a year). So I'm really not worried.

I'm not French, but this is our approach as well.

DH and I both grew up with an alcoholic parent, so we have lived it and know very well the consequences of alcoholism. We're under no illusion this approach will inoculate our kids from it, but we hope it will help them develop a "no big deal" attitude towards drinking.

I am European and this is our approach as well. But I do not judge others, who approach it differently.

NP, and an American who also happens to be an alcohol researcher.

Alcohol is a big deal. Kids need to be told clearly what the related risks are, particularly consumption during adolescence. Even in small quantities, it’s not appropriate for teenagers, even with their parents’ permission. And, probably not unrelated, but rates of binge drinking in adolescence are higher in most of Western Europe than in the U.S. Allowing your teenagers to have moderate amounts of alcohol isn’t okay, because there is no such thing as moderate alcohol use when it comes to teens and risk. *Any* alcohol use is risky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm French.

Parents introduce alcohol at home, in small and supervised quantities, so that kids are not surprised or excited by the act of drinking. Most parents insist on moderation, and, in our personal case, explain that our kids might have inherited their parents' low tolerance for alcohol.

It turns out our kids hate the taste of alcohol. We were like this at their age, and now DH and I consume rarely, and in very small quantities (a few glasses a year). So I'm really not worried.

Not French, but this is how my parents approached alcohol and it took all the cool factor away for me. I rarely drink as an adult. I have the same approach with my children.