Boyfriend accepted friend request from woman he cheated on me with...

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t have taken him back the first time. It wasn’t a one night stand, he *dated* someone else for months behind your back. How could you ever trust someone like that? He has no integrity, he’s selfish and he’s a liar. His current actions can’t be a surprise to you! C’mon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two years ago I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with another woman. She messaged me and told me that they had been “dating” for months behind my back. Boyfriend and I had been together for about 1.5 years at this point. Long story short, I ended up forgiving him and we moved forward with our relationship. Even though I forgave him, it’s still something I think about and feel sad about. It’s now been exactly 2 years from when I found out.

Tonight, I saw that he had become friends with her on social media. I immediately confronted him, and he said that she sent him a request, and he accepted. He said “it’s been so long since it happened, why does it matter if we become friends on social media”. I told him it’s completely unacceptable, and the fact that he thinks it’s okay to have contact with her blows my mind. I told him it’s over between us and asked him to leave. I feel in my heart that I did the right thing, but just want to see how others would have handled this. Thanks....

You did the right thing. No one should feel bad in a dating relationship; that's supposed to be the fun times when things aren't stressful and complicated. If he treats you this way in easy times, how would he act when finances are mixed and children are in the picture?

[Anonymous]

You screwed up the first time OP. Should have dumped him two years ago. Move on.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing. What he did isn't acceptable. You'll be much better off without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that was too much cheating too early in a relationship to forgive in the first place, but at this point, yes, you need to leave him.

+1. It's crazy to have an entire extra relationship when dating someone else. The dating stage is way too early to have a long-term affair like that. You should have dumped him then.

Also, he's showing you that he's keeping that door open by accepting her friend request. Any reasonable person would see that this was a very hurtful thing to do to you. plus you've been dating for 3.5 years and aren't married. Stay away from this guy. He's not a good marriage prospect.

I mean this gently, but you might want to consider therapy to figure out why you picked someone who treats you like crap and stayed in a dating relationship when the guy had a whole extra relationship on the side. You deserve better. take care.

[Anonymous]

My now BF cheated on his ex 3 times early in their 10 year relationship. She caught him at the time and he admitted to 1 out of 3. She later found the Facebook messages of the other two women while he was deployed and she divorced him when he returned. I respect the hell out of her for making that decision. If you cheat and are lucky enough to be forgiven, you’d better do everything you can to never make the other person feel insecure in that way again. You did the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. Everything is so stressful right now and he took this opportunity to see what she was up to? Of course he was curious and accepted her friend, otherwise he wouldn’t be defensive. And really that just unkind and self centered behavior.
Look, you guys probably were not going to stay together bc of unresolved issues. This couldn’t have been the only thing.

For the future, rather that being triggered and going off and screaming at him ( or whomever) try to be more calm, walk away, collect your thoughts so you can be strategic and controlled. Then do a surgical strike and really hit him hard.

If you’re bored or lonely during lock down you can always take him back and then dump him afterwards. He sounds like a jerk.

Love it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now BF cheated on his ex 3 times early in their 10 year relationship. She caught him at the time and he admitted to 1 out of 3. She later found the Facebook messages of the other two women while he was deployed and she divorced him when he returned. I respect the hell out of her for making that decision. If you cheat and are lucky enough to be forgiven, you’d better do everything you can to never make the other person feel insecure in that way again. You did the right thing.

Run! Once a cheater, always a cheater!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My now BF cheated on his ex 3 times early in their 10 year relationship. She caught him at the time and he admitted to 1 out of 3. She later found the Facebook messages of the other two women while he was deployed and she divorced him when he returned. I respect the hell out of her for making that decision. If you cheat and are lucky enough to be forgiven, you’d better do everything you can to never make the other person feel insecure in that way again. You did the right thing.

I’m just curious but why would you currently date someone who not only cheated but lied about how many times after being discovered? Why don’t you think he’ll do the same to you?

[Anonymous]

I respect you For sticking it out and working on the relationship. Kudos to you. But, his apathetic “what’s the big deal?” kind of response to you is amazing to me. I’m a man, btw. Shows a complete lack of awareness of the pain he caused and that’s almost a bigger red flag to me. My XW cheated on me while we were married and she had cheated on me while we were dating as well. I regret taking her back when we were dating. You’re spending way too much energy on a relationship that probably won’t survive anyway. Sorry. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Yup I was gonna write: DTMFA but you already did. Good job. Next time, dump the first hint there's cheating. Life is too short for such a severe lack of trust.

[Anonymous]

Bigger question is Why Are You Still With Him????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respect you For sticking it out and working on the relationship. Kudos to you. But, his apathetic “what’s the big deal?” kind of response to you is amazing to me. I’m a man, btw. Shows a complete lack of awareness of the pain he caused and that’s almost a bigger red flag to me. My XW cheated on me while we were married and she had cheated on me while we were dating as well. I regret taking her back when we were dating. You’re spending way too much energy on a relationship that probably won’t survive anyway. Sorry. Time to move on.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP here: thank you for the responses. This makes me feel better that I did the right thing. I do know it was extremely risky taking him back in the first place, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I am surprised at the complete disrespect and lack of boundaries, and that his comprehension of those things is non-existant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that was too much cheating too early in a relationship to forgive in the first place, but at this point, yes, you need to leave him.

This. I mean, I’m married (12 years) with two kids and my husband is a great dad. I’d never forgive a long term relationship with someone else. Why you would do so when you don’t have kids and are not even married is so beyond me. There just wasn’t enough there worth fighting for. Have some freaking self respect!!