My elderly mom is lonely and wants to meet up

[Anonymous]

People do little experiments and because everyone ends up fine, they decide it is safe. this is an airborne and highly contagious disease. Many of us are likely asymptomatic carriers or have been exposed at the grocery store to people with it. People forget that if your mom ends up in an overcrowded hospital with Covid19 she will not get life saving procedures. So, yes, mental health is important, but you have to be clear that you are chosing something that increases your parent's risk of death. Depending on how advanced the age is, blood type and pre-existing conditions the percentage chance changes.

In Iran and Italy where family is paramount and catering to elderly's wishes is expected many people justified to themselves all sorts of things. The death rates were out of control.

[Anonymous]

I would go visit her if you know she will keep her distance. I can't imagine weathering this in a condo.

[Anonymous]

I would go for a walk outside and then sit and talk 6+ feet from each other. Yes this risk isn't zero but if you are generally social distancing, the risk is low. After all, every time your mom got in a car to visit you or walked across a street, she took a risk. This could last 18 months or more. That could end up being a high percentage of the time your mom has left.

[Anonymous]

it's all about common sense, and if an old person is lonely and willing to take the risk, then do it. More likely than not, it will be fine. If she died tomorrow would you wish you had allowed the visit? Wash your hands when you get there, don't hug or touch, and just do it. Life is short, make the trip. Mental health is important too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's all about common sense, and if an old person is lonely and willing to take the risk, then do it. More likely than not, it will be fine. If she died tomorrow would you wish you had allowed the visit? Wash your hands when you get there, don't hug or touch, and just do it. Life is short, make the trip. Mental health is important too.

This. But I would definitely hug too us she is comfortable.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to pile it on, OP, but yesterday I had a long talk with a neighbor whose dad died in February of a non-C-19 illness. He missed being with his dad by about 20-25 minutes because he got held up leaving his office. He was just going to do a quick run-by and drop off a bag of cookies on his way home. His dad had been ill but they thought he was recovering and they were actually planning his return home to happen two or three days later. I guess my point is that my neighbor would give anything to have been able to be with his dad and see him one more time. If you have a chance to see your mom, and if you know it will make her happy, then you should really try to do it. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Go see your mom.

[Anonymous]

a flowy skirt is easier than pants or shorts for peeing outdoors

[Anonymous]

Okay I went and saw my mom. I put on new gloves before I walked in and a mask, and lysoled everything I came in contact with. She kept her mask on the whole time too. I didn’t touch any handles and I made sure not to touch my face with my gloved hands. We stayed 6-8 feet apart the whole time. Overall I think it went well and I’m going to try to continue the visits. I miss her as much as she misses me but this situation scares me. She’s a lifelong smoker so more at risk than most in her age group. Just wanted to provide an update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay I went and saw my mom. I put on new gloves before I walked in and a mask, and lysoled everything I came in contact with. She kept her mask on the whole time too. I didn’t touch any handles and I made sure not to touch my face with my gloved hands. We stayed 6-8 feet apart the whole time. Overall I think it went well and I’m going to try to continue the visits. I miss her as much as she misses me but this situation scares me. She’s a lifelong smoker so more at risk than most in her age group. Just wanted to provide an update.

I'm glad you went, OP! I know was scary but it probably meant the world to her.

[Anonymous]

My mother's elderly neighbor now has Covid19. Her daughter just could not stand to be apart so they started visits from a distance and then started to do visits closer hanging out outside with the grandkids supposedly 6 feet apart. She did not do trips to the grocery (had delivery) or get food delivered so the most likely source of it was the visits with daughter and grandkids who didn't wear masks, but they did avoid touching. I believe they sometimes brought food they made too. Now they are all just praying grandpa doesn't get and that nobody ends up in the hospital. She has some health issues already and is pretty miserable.

[Anonymous]

For the elderly, quality of life is often more important than length of life. Many have survived conditions like cancer that give them an appreciation for living their remaining time to the fullest. I say you should visit as often as you can, but set up chairs on the lawn or deck and keep spaced at least 6 feet (preferably farther) apart. Wear masks if possible. I’m starting to see a lot of families do this in my neighborhood. Senior citizens need connection with their loved ones.