38 weeks & Husband scheduled to travel

[Anonymous]

For those of you who've said the husband shouldn't go, would you change your opinion if your husband were driving up to NYC to attend the bris of his nephew? My husband's sister gave birth to her first over the weekend, and the bris is on Sunday. I'll be 38 weeks 2 days at that point - I go back and forth as to whether he should go. He's not pressuring me to let him, and he said he'll do whatever I'm comfortable with, but I feel bad making him miss it. This is our first, too, so I would hate for him to miss anything if by chance I did go into labor. On the other hand, there's no reason to think that I will be that early.

[Anonymous]

I'd encourage him to go - he can be back quickly if you need him, doesn't need to be gone for long, and it's great to encourage good family relationships, especially since your baby will be so lucky to have a fairly nearby cousin who is so close in age!

[Anonymous]

We had this discussion. My husband ended up skipping some business travel near the end of my pregnancy, and he decided to turn down an invitation to speak at a conference scheduled for five weeks after my due date. I was so unsure of myself (it's our first) that the idea of being without him in those first few weeks frightened me. And I was right. I needed him there. I can't begin to imagine how I would have made it through the delivery without him.

A PP said "it's not the most important thing in the world". I think it IS. Honestly. What one-time event could be more important? My husband was more affected and emotional and moved by the birth of our daughter than even I was. He would DEFINITELY tell you that it was the most important moment of his entire life.

So, OP, and PP with the soon-to-be-circumcised nephew: In your shoes, I would keep my fella at home, if you can.

For the OP who's looking for ways to cope, I'm sorry, I don't have any advice. I guess the idea of lining up a best friend or family member to go with you, just in case, is as good as it gets in this case.

[Anonymous]

To 12:53 - I"m one of the earlier posters whose husband was scheduled to leave town when I was 37 weeks. I'm sure everyone here thinks he's a jerk for that, but it was also for a nephew's bris. I went into labor the night before his flight, so he missed the bris.

But, when he thought he was going, here's what we did. HE checked to make sure there were lots of SW flights back throughout the day. He had planned to leave around 6 am and come home that evening. From my very short sample size of 2, most women start going into labor at night. So if he's gone only during the day, he'll be fine.

But if you're at all nervous, he should stay home. As special as a family bris is, the birth of your own child is even more so.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I am just amazed at all the studpidity. I stand behind that if you are that close to delivering and your husband is that interested in the birth--he would make sure he is there. This is something that HR would support if there were issues at work and frankly I have worked for tough bosses and have never seen a boss make someone travel this close to a spouse delivery--I have seen an "it's up to you" and some people just don't have the confidence to say this is a moment that I will never get back and just no job is that important. I also feel sad for anyone who doesn't think it's that bad a deal to miss a birth--are we that removed from family that it isn't worth it??? As for checking to make sure lots of plane times are available--sorry I have been stuck in NY in what was supposed to be less than an hour trip overnight because planes were cancelled due to weather in other parts of the country. I would definitely go back to husband and ask that he reconsider.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I appreciate the kind, supportive, non-judgemental words from several of the PPs. Sincere thanks to you! And, to the PP who astutely noted that folks should not rush to judgement (condemnation!) since the original post doesn't have all the details, you are a wise woman!

In addition to extending my thanks (I was distraught when I started this thread), I wanted to let you know that my husband and I made it through this week. DH was able to modify travel so that he was gone for 17 hours (6:00 am to just before 11 pm). His making the trip, being there in person, built a lot of goodwill. And, for me, knowing that he would not be gone at night (when there aren't flights back), increased my comfort level. I was much more at peace with him traveling and accepted that there was a real possibility he would miss the delivery if I did go into labor (We both went to my OB appt. the day before, and the OB predicts when it happens I will progress FAST!). Dealing with all of this, and working through it with my DH and my incredibly supportive closest friends, made me reflect on how seriously fortunate I am.

For the PP whose husband may travel to NY, I hope you and he were able to work out something that you are comfortable with. I think that's the key: finding some solution that minimizes the stress on you. And, that solution may be him completely skipping the bris if the thought of him missing the delivery completely distresses you. Perhaps it's possible he could make the trip in a day while you arrrange to have friends on-call if you need them, or there may be some other alternative. (I don't know how significant a celebration a bris is for your DH's family or what the family dynamics are.)

I do hope you are able to have DH by your side when your little one arrives. Best wishes for a healthy baby, and enjoy this wonderful, and sometimes challenging, next chapter of your lives! And, if for any reason circumstances prevent your DH from being there, missing the delivery would not mean he loves you or your child any less than if he were there.