DH doesn't meet my emotional needs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my former H. Boy, am I glad that's over.

Same here. I thought I was the problem and that something was wrong with me for having emotional needs.

Now I’m with someone who goes above and beyond in meeting my needs and life is so good now.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't need to meet your emotional needs

[Anonymous]

OP he sounds a lot like my Dh (except for the martial arts which he has zero interest in).

Is your DH a very high achiever in a demanding career by any chance?

I think that definitely makes it harder on us the DW.

A few years ago I was getting frustrated with all this (we are now 14 years married this year) but then I had a monumental health crisis and my dad died suddenly and you know what, my DH was the same calm presence he's always been and that was perfect and exactly what I needed.

And that sort of reset my thinking. I hope you find a way through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP he sounds a lot like my Dh (except for the martial arts which he has zero interest in).

Is your DH a very high achiever in a demanding career by any chance?

I think that definitely makes it harder on us the DW.

A few years ago I was getting frustrated with all this (we are now 14 years married this year) but then I had a monumental health crisis and my dad died suddenly and you know what, my DH was the same calm presence he's always been and that was perfect and exactly what I needed.

And that sort of reset my thinking. I hope you find a way through it.

It's almost like, when you had real drama, you didn't need someone to engage with your manufactured drama. Food for thought....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need a hobby or some outdoor activities that can help you refresh your mind and calm your emotions.

I hike and do yoga, which helps with that.

How about gardening? If you have a yard, pruning shrubs, digging holes and planting a shrub with fragrant flowers or edible fruits. Being in contact with nature every day helps keep emotions in balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need a hobby or some outdoor activities that can help you refresh your mind and calm your emotions.

I hike and do yoga, which helps with that.

How about gardening? If you have a yard, pruning shrubs, digging holes and planting a shrub with fragrant flowers or edible fruits. Being in contact with nature every day helps keep emotions in balance.

Apologies for some typos.

[Anonymous]

For someone to change, they need to be shown what to do and they need to be motivated to do it.

[Anonymous]

I'm in the same boat, OP. It's so painful to be in the presence of someone who doesn't show any interest in you whatsoever. I have a rich social life, so I am at the point where I do what I want with our kids and my friends. It doesn't fix the problem, but I became tired of going to a dry well for water. My sympathies, I know how difficult it can be. FWIW, DH will undoubtedly act surprised when I ask him to move out post-coronavirus despite the many conversations we've had about this in our 12 year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. It's so painful to be in the presence of someone who doesn't show any interest in you whatsoever. I have a rich social life, so I am at the point where I do what I want with our kids and my friends. It doesn't fix the problem, but I became tired of going to a dry well for water. My sympathies, I know how difficult it can be. FWIW, DH will undoubtedly act surprised when I ask him to move out post-coronavirus despite the many conversations we've had about this in our 12 year marriage.

I should add, DH has zero close relationships in his life. Not with his siblings, his parents, or with friends. So before anyone calls me crazy and emotionally demanding, it's a pervasive issue in his life. And yes, we also did 9 months of therapy. He would change (maybe pretend?) for a month or so, then grow tired of it and stop again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. It's so painful to be in the presence of someone who doesn't show any interest in you whatsoever. I have a rich social life, so I am at the point where I do what I want with our kids and my friends. It doesn't fix the problem, but I became tired of going to a dry well for water. My sympathies, I know how difficult it can be. FWIW, DH will undoubtedly act surprised when I ask him to move out post-coronavirus despite the many conversations we've had about this in our 12 year marriage.

I should add, DH has zero close relationships in his life. Not with his siblings, his parents, or with friends. So before anyone calls me crazy and emotionally demanding, it's a pervasive issue in his life. And yes, we also did 9 months of therapy. He would change (maybe pretend?) for a month or so, then grow tired of it and stop again.

OP here. Good luck to you. Sorry you’re going through this. My DH is similar in that he doesn’t maintain relationships. I often wonder why he got married.

[Anonymous]

Stop manufacturing drama. The guy isn't abusive and is an equal opportunity retreatist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. It's so painful to be in the presence of someone who doesn't show any interest in you whatsoever. I have a rich social life, so I am at the point where I do what I want with our kids and my friends. It doesn't fix the problem, but I became tired of going to a dry well for water. My sympathies, I know how difficult it can be. FWIW, DH will undoubtedly act surprised when I ask him to move out post-coronavirus despite the many conversations we've had about this in our 12 year marriage.

I should add, DH has zero close relationships in his life. Not with his siblings, his parents, or with friends. So before anyone calls me crazy and emotionally demanding, it's a pervasive issue in his life. And yes, we also did 9 months of therapy. He would change (maybe pretend?) for a month or so, then grow tired of it and stop again.

You need to change your attitude, not your DH. Poor guy.

[Anonymous]

What’s up with the person who keeps saying this is manufactured drama? It’s not outrageous to want a spouse who meets your emotional needs. That’s what marriage is supposed to be about.

It’s in men’s best interest to meet their partner’s needs. My SO meets mine so I meet his. Usually 2-3 times a day.

[Anonymous]

think about reading the All of Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel https://www.blinkist.com/en/books/the-all-or-nothing-marriage-en/preview?utm_source=gsn&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=9405730061&utm_content=101106714171&utm_term=_b_419403259126_c_dsa-932407358367_CjwKCAjwsMzzBRACEiwAx4lLG9W_xtJpZ6LfuzA1sfhlW4nQV68__wbGZVvZyHy39ogEMLu6xkue2hoC8NIQAvD_BwE&gclid=CjwKCAjwsMzzBRACEiwAx4lLG9W_xtJpZ6LfuzA1sfhlW4nQV68__wbGZVvZyHy39ogEMLu6xkue2hoC8NIQAvD_BwE

Modern marriage is freaking hard...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s up with the person who keeps saying this is manufactured drama? It’s not outrageous to want a spouse who meets your emotional needs. That’s what marriage is supposed to be about.

It’s in men’s best interest to meet their partner’s needs. My SO meets mine so I meet his. Usually 2-3 times a day.

Not that PP. In fact that pp used that phrase to describe my post and I definitely do not manufacture emotional needs.

But you have to remember that emotional needs are almost entirely a female concept on which bored females dwell (yes I am female). You need to cut it in half and throw it out. Lighten up. You dig yourselves deeper and deeper into misery if you dwell on things excessively.

Find some fricking joy people!