Flying in family to help during telework / social distancing?

[Anonymous]

OP here. We’re exploring doing it this weekend. And I fully intend to help with the kids. My job is really flexible and they don’t care when my hours happen, as long as they happen. Grandma is a former teacher and really capable otherwise.

My main concern is unnecessarily putting her at risk (she lives in a pretty isolated place where she probably wouldn’t get the virus otherwise).

[Anonymous]

Is she alone OP, or does she have a spouse? If she is alone, I would definitely bring her here ASAP. Have her get on a plane tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Flying in defeats the purpose, OP.

How?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you (and the posters driving to their parents') not worried about exposure for the older generation? I'd head home in a heartbeat if the alternative were being cooped up in a smaller space with no help, but that feels a bit unfair to my parents who are at higher risk.

have thought about this and maybe we do 2 weeks all home and then the big drive over.
I start telecommute this Monday, shall see what school does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Flying in defeats the purpose, OP.

How?

can she wear a mask, wipe down the seats/ belt/ tray/ buttons with Lysol wipes and not touch ANYTHING? Literally sit on the plane seat, don't touch anything, bring on all own food and drink, so not accept food or drink tray (touched and loading by 10s of people). don't use the toilet either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have to fly? Can she drive instead, even breaking up a long drive over 2 days? I’d prefer anyone coming to my home didn’t just get off a plane.

OP here. Sadly, it's over 2000 miles and I think at that point, the risk of driving outweighs the risk of flying.

Coast-to-coast is a 40-41 hour drive. Break that up into four 10-hour days and it certainly is do-able. In her mid-50s? That would be a cake walk. I would much rather do that than fly and I'm 55. She'll be exposed to fewer people, she'll be breathing air not contaminated by anyone else (unless she has a companion), and possible points of further contamination from face-to-face contact are pretty much contained to check-in at a hotel and drive-thru.

But wouldn't driving all that way be very much statistically unsafe compared to a flight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have to fly? Can she drive instead, even breaking up a long drive over 2 days? I’d prefer anyone coming to my home didn’t just get off a plane.

OP here. Sadly, it's over 2000 miles and I think at that point, the risk of driving outweighs the risk of flying.

Coast-to-coast is a 40-41 hour drive. Break that up into four 10-hour days and it certainly is do-able. In her mid-50s? That would be a cake walk. I would much rather do that than fly and I'm 55. She'll be exposed to fewer people, she'll be breathing air not contaminated by anyone else (unless she has a companion), and possible points of further contamination from face-to-face contact are pretty much contained to check-in at a hotel and drive-thru.

But wouldn't driving all that way be very much statistically unsafe compared to a flight?

Yes! She would be getting so much exposure driving through dozens of states, staying in hotels and eating at countless restaurants. Plus, what happens if her car breaks down 1000 miles from home? Or worse, she gets into a car accident?

Driving is much riskier than flying in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have to fly? Can she drive instead, even breaking up a long drive over 2 days? I’d prefer anyone coming to my home didn’t just get off a plane.

OP here. Sadly, it's over 2000 miles and I think at that point, the risk of driving outweighs the risk of flying.

Coast-to-coast is a 40-41 hour drive. Break that up into four 10-hour days and it certainly is do-able. In her mid-50s? That would be a cake walk. I would much rather do that than fly and I'm 55. She'll be exposed to fewer people, she'll be breathing air not contaminated by anyone else (unless she has a companion), and possible points of further contamination from face-to-face contact are pretty much contained to check-in at a hotel and drive-thru.

But wouldn't driving all that way be very much statistically unsafe compared to a flight?

Yes! She would be getting so much exposure driving through dozens of states, staying in hotels and eating at countless restaurants. Plus, what happens if her car breaks down 1000 miles from home? Or worse, she gets into a car accident?

Driving is much riskier than flying in this case.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you (and the posters driving to their parents') not worried about exposure for the older generation? I'd head home in a heartbeat if the alternative were being cooped up in a smaller space with no help, but that feels a bit unfair to my parents who are at higher risk.

have thought about this and maybe we do 2 weeks all home and then the big drive over.
I start telecommute this Monday, shall see what school does.

This was my thinking too. My parents live in south central VA in the middle of nowhere, but I think I'd wait a couple of weeks to head down.

I'm a teacher in MCPS, and FWIW, my hunch is that tomorrow will be our last day and we'll be out Monday through the end of spring break. So my thinking was I'd take the kids down maybe closer to the beginning of April. I work in a high school, older child is in elementary, younger child is in daycare - I feel like we could all potentially infect them!

[Anonymous]

Disinfect the surfaces she touches on the plane and immediately wash when she gets to airport. Wipe down baggage when she picks up (although baggage handlers are in gloves anyway for their hands) and honestly it will be fine. 2000 miles is like a 3 hr flight. Abundance of caution is good but she would be far more exposed traveling through 2-3 hotels and maybe 9-10 restaurants and gas stations in 4 days across several states vs 2 airports (and it's not like you sit and eat at your destination airport) and a plane that is probably being cleaned better now than any other time we have flown.

[Anonymous]

I'd wonder why a healthy woman in her mid-fifties would willingly leave her home, her car, her friends, maybe a husband or a boyfriend to do childcare for an unspecified period of time. I'd be waiting to find out something I really didn't like, a mental health issue, finantial difficulties, a bad breakup rendering her homeless, any number of things. It seems a little too good, and I always wonder when I see that kind of thing.

Older people have peer groups, interests, schedules, things they like and don't like, just like we do. I wish that was something that was discussed more in society, in literature, evrywhere. What will grandma do for her own mental health while she is with you? Reading only works so well for so long.

If your kids are in daycare, then they are probably young. Are you sure grandma can and wants to take care of them indeffinately?

I remember my grandma taking care of me when I had chicken pox. She was with us for three weeks, and before she came, she specified that she'd leave after 21 days... which she did. By the end of the third week, she was ready to go home. She was also a nurse, so had medical training. I don't recall her ever coming again to help out in that way, I think it was harder for her then she expected.
Be sure you don't burn out Grandma. When mine stayed with us, I was little, but I wasn't in diapers and we didn't have carseats to worry about. And, before anybody jumps on me, my family gets along fine. There was no big fight, my grandma simply didn't offer to help in that kind of way again, nor did my parents ask. Likewise, my parents have never offered, and we have never asked them to care for our kids for long periods of time. Maybe everybody learned something from the chicken pox experience.


I worry too that you and your husband's mom are babying him a bit much. The covet-19 virus is his job, but he is certainly "allowed" to think about anything he wants. Do whatever you can to convey to him that work is work and home is home. It's no different from a doctor not letting his kids ever go to the pool or play outside because he deals with patients who hit their head on the diving board or came in with broken leg.

Your husband may be correct but that doesn't mean he is retaining healthy behavior paterns or coping mechanisms.

Remember that grandma views your husband as her little boy, or maybe a young teen. Will she fuss if you expect him to give the kids a bath, stop work to eat dinner with the family, go to bed so the two of you can be in bed together, or will she treat him like another child? "Oh Sally, you don't need to have him eat with us, I'll bring him a plate" "Why do you want him in bed with you, he loves (fill in favorite sport) "Can't you give the kids a bath, he does so much already".

Those comments get old very quickly.



I would also worry that your husband would have a hard time adjusting to life as a husband and father once grandma leaves. He seems like he's preparing a bit too much, almost like he's trying to live out a fantasy where he gets to work from home, the kids are cared for by a loving grandma, and then he gets to stop working each day and have a wife and a mother take care of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd wonder why a healthy woman in her mid-fifties would willingly leave her home, her car, her friends, maybe a husband or a boyfriend to do childcare for an unspecified period of time. I'd be waiting to find out something I really didn't like, a mental health issue, finantial difficulties, a bad breakup rendering her homeless, any number of things. It seems a little too good, and I always wonder when I see that kind of thing.

Older people have peer groups, interests, schedules, things they like and don't like, just like we do. I wish that was something that was discussed more in society, in literature, evrywhere. What will grandma do for her own mental health while she is with you? Reading only works so well for so long.

If your kids are in daycare, then they are probably young. Are you sure grandma can and wants to take care of them indeffinately?

I remember my grandma taking care of me when I had chicken pox. She was with us for three weeks, and before she came, she specified that she'd leave after 21 days... which she did. By the end of the third week, she was ready to go home. She was also a nurse, so had medical training. I don't recall her ever coming again to help out in that way, I think it was harder for her then she expected.
Be sure you don't burn out Grandma. When mine stayed with us, I was little, but I wasn't in diapers and we didn't have carseats to worry about. And, before anybody jumps on me, my family gets along fine. There was no big fight, my grandma simply didn't offer to help in that kind of way again, nor did my parents ask. Likewise, my parents have never offered, and we have never asked them to care for our kids for long periods of time. Maybe everybody learned something from the chicken pox experience.


I worry too that you and your husband's mom are babying him a bit much. The covet-19 virus is his job, but he is certainly "allowed" to think about anything he wants. Do whatever you can to convey to him that work is work and home is home. It's no different from a doctor not letting his kids ever go to the pool or play outside because he deals with patients who hit their head on the diving board or came in with broken leg.

Your husband may be correct but that doesn't mean he is retaining healthy behavior paterns or coping mechanisms.

Remember that grandma views your husband as her little boy, or maybe a young teen. Will she fuss if you expect him to give the kids a bath, stop work to eat dinner with the family, go to bed so the two of you can be in bed together, or will she treat him like another child? "Oh Sally, you don't need to have him eat with us, I'll bring him a plate" "Why do you want him in bed with you, he loves (fill in favorite sport) "Can't you give the kids a bath, he does so much already".

Those comments get old very quickly.



I would also worry that your husband would have a hard time adjusting to life as a husband and father once grandma leaves. He seems like he's preparing a bit too much, almost like he's trying to live out a fantasy where he gets to work from home, the kids are cared for by a loving grandma, and then he gets to stop working each day and have a wife and a mother take care of everything.

Wow. I just uh, don't know what to say about this.

[Anonymous]

Grandma will need to go home at some point. Who's going to pay the bills for the many stuff at home? you don't know how long this situation will take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandma will need to go home at some point. Who's going to pay the bills for the many stuff at home? you don't know how long this situation will take.

OP here. This will not be an issue. Her spouse is at home, they're fiscally responsible people, and we'll gladly pay for anything that she needs while she's here.

To the other PP with the long post....I can't address everything you wrote there, but I guess she just wants to help family? She stays with us for 1-2 months at a time anyways, so this is not some crazy untested situation. I enjoy her company.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t put her at risk with the travel and exposure to your household but she is an adult who can decide how much risk she is willing to accept.