Nanny or Daycare?

[Anonymous]

I worked in the infant room of a well-respected and expensive daycare.

Go with a nanny, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing like an educated and experienced nanny - including a SAHM.

Our nanny has a skill set from years of teaching and majoring in education that I simply don’t have. She engages my son and socializes him with playdates and playgroups. My son gets to nap in his own bed and has two colds in his life (18 months) and has never needed antibiotics.

Get a great nanny.

Daycare workers are just as qualified. Not every child in daycare will get sick often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I worked in the infant room of a well-respected and expensive daycare.

Go with a nanny, OP.

Why?

I have no skin in this game as a SAHM, but I've always liked the idea that a daycare has more eyes on the kid, from a safety perspective.

[Anonymous]

Dose in drop happens daily in daycare. With COVID19, flu, etc. I would go with a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a hard one - you seem to have really open eyes about it that neither option is without it's downsides. If you get an amazing nanny, it's wonderful. If your nanny ends up being not very reliable or just okay, or lots of back and forth employer/employee issues it can be difficult. What is the ratio of babies to caregivers in the daycare? And how many babies in one room? If 1:3 and only say, 6 babies in the room than I might try daycare since you can have MIL help out one day which we've found to be wonderful for baby bonding with grandma. I'm a daycare mom, but switched from a center to a home daycare because our center just had too many babies in one room (too busy, too much illness). Home daycare has been a good happy medium for us, but we straight up could not afford a nanny.

Looking back, if we truly could afford a nanny without it hurting much, I would do that for the first 2 years for the same reasons pp said - illness and also naps - just so much more flexibility to make sure your baby gets the sleep they need as many don't sleep well in daycare if it's one room and the baby is expected to sleep in the bright room (another reason we moved to home daycare). The illness is so hard on everyone and much harder when they are that little. But if it's a good daycare with low ratios.. so close to your house, it might be great too. And they will get the illnesses at some point so it's ok to just do it. It's just harder when they are little.

OP here. Both daycares have 12 students ( 6 weeks - 15 months) with 4 teachers. 3 babies to 1 daycare worker. We are not interested in a home daycare as we like knowing that daycare workers have full background checks, the facility is secure, and we can access multiple cameras throughout the day.

Just to clarify op- I wasn’t suggesting you do home daycare, it was the happy medium for us since we couldn’t afford a nanny. I’m sure you didn’t mean this to sound judgmental but to clarify in case any of your friends use a home daycare at some point - I also like to know my daycare workers have a full background check (?), of course. Home daycares have regulations in Virginia too, our home daycare worker is a former nanny, teacher, and certainly has a background check. You may have some misconceptions about home daycares, but wasn’t at all saying you should go to home daycare just that some of the reasons we switched from a center like napping flexibility etc may be considerations for why you’d prefer a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Echo what others said, nanny until baby is 2 years old, then you can do daycare, or if grandma is willing to help out more then do a part-time preschool and have grandma pick up.

[Anonymous]

I would do a nanny or nanny share for the first year if you think you can get a daycare spot at 12-18 months. Another big factor is whether you are planning on more and what spacing you are looking at. A nanny is usually a better option for 2 than daycare and comparatively more economical. One other thing. Your baby will absolutely have to stay home randomly from daycare for being sick. I would plan on grandma being backup rather than scheduling three days per week of school and then having grandma do day #4, because you will end up having grandma to two days a week more often than you realize now. Better to have more coverage for the first year at least.

[Anonymous]

How important is the price difference to you?

[Anonymous]

Nanny. 1:3 for a little baby means missing out on attunement to needs. Also babies usually nap better at home. Day sleep affects night sleep and sleep deprivation affects so much.

[Anonymous]

Have been happy every single day we chose to go the nanny route. At 2, we added a half day nursery school a few days a week to provide some socialization and independence. At 3, had another kid so nanny shifted focus there as 3 year old nursery school went to 5 half days.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a nanny IF you can find a good one. No question.

[Anonymous]

Daycare. Definitely. I’ve done it all. For one child, daycare is so much better. I would personally wait until 6 months though. Are you able to take extended maternity leave?

Your child will get sick more, so you will definitely need backup care.

Being an employer is stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a hard one - you seem to have really open eyes about it that neither option is without it's downsides. If you get an amazing nanny, it's wonderful. If your nanny ends up being not very reliable or just okay, or lots of back and forth employer/employee issues it can be difficult. What is the ratio of babies to caregivers in the daycare? And how many babies in one room? If 1:3 and only say, 6 babies in the room than I might try daycare since you can have MIL help out one day which we've found to be wonderful for baby bonding with grandma. I'm a daycare mom, but switched from a center to a home daycare because our center just had too many babies in one room (too busy, too much illness). Home daycare has been a good happy medium for us, but we straight up could not afford a nanny.

Looking back, if we truly could afford a nanny without it hurting much, I would do that for the first 2 years for the same reasons pp said - illness and also naps - just so much more flexibility to make sure your baby gets the sleep they need as many don't sleep well in daycare if it's one room and the baby is expected to sleep in the bright room (another reason we moved to home daycare). The illness is so hard on everyone and much harder when they are that little. But if it's a good daycare with low ratios.. so close to your house, it might be great too. And they will get the illnesses at some point so it's ok to just do it. It's just harder when they are little.

OP here. Both daycares have 12 students ( 6 weeks - 15 months) with 4 teachers. 3 babies to 1 daycare worker. We are not interested in a home daycare as we like knowing that daycare workers have full background checks, the facility is secure, and we can access multiple cameras throughout the day.

Just to clarify op- I wasn’t suggesting you do home daycare, it was the happy medium for us since we couldn’t afford a nanny. I’m sure you didn’t mean this to sound judgmental but to clarify in case any of your friends use a home daycare at some point - I also like to know my daycare workers have a full background check (?), of course. Home daycares have regulations in Virginia too, our home daycare worker is a former nanny, teacher, and certainly has a background check. You may have some misconceptions about home daycares, but wasn’t at all saying you should go to home daycare just that some of the reasons we switched from a center like napping flexibility etc may be considerations for why you’d prefer a nanny.

OP here. I definitely wasn't putting down home daycares. I'm not in DC. I've known people who have used in-home daycares and usually it's many kids to one lady running it. I'm sure they're qualified, but I prefer either having a nanny with nanny cams, or using a daycare where they have cameras I can check.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He will be close to 6 months when I go back to work. We can afford both options, but I don't know if a nanny is worth the added expense. My husband is very concerned about hiring a nanny because we don't have many days we can take off ( I'm a nurse, and he's in finance). I'm sure many people have great experiences with nannies, but the couples we know that hired nanny ether switched to daycare, or ended up going through 1-2 nannies before finding one that worked. My husband thinks we should go with the daycare close to us and we can see how it works. We can hire a nanny if it doesn't work out.

We are both clean and we do have a housekeeper. I know some posters mentioned perks of having the nanny do babu laundry and bottles, but that won't be needed. I will do laundry, and we just put the bottles in the dishwasher and run it at night. I'm not that concerned about packing up for daycare because it's only an 8 mile walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM tends to lean toward nanny in these discussions, but I've done all possible arrangements and have found daycare center to be the best of all worlds.

With daycare, you have multiple levels of accountability, multiple sets of eyes on your kid--not just the staff, but also all the parents coming and going.

Yes, daycares have a 3:1 ratio, whereas a nanny would be 1:1, but the daycare maintains that ratio at all times; when one teacher takes a break, goes to the bathroom, starts laundry, another steps in. So there is always someone watching your kid, and they all get adequate breaks through the day. (And I'm not just romanticizing daycare. I worked in a daycare in my early 20s, and now I have a daycare kid who gets pull-out PT at her daycare, so I meet her there weekly during the day, so have ample opportunity to observe what's going on.)

Your kid and nanny aren't in your house all day. I know a lot of people like the convenience of not having to get the kid ready, pack lunches, etc., but I like the freedom of not having my kids in my house all day. It means that when I'm home with them, our toys are new and exciting. I never come home to any mess other than the one I left. And on random telework days, or a day when I come home a couple hours early after an off-site meeting, I'm not having to negotiate around nanny and kid.

Finally, in our various stints with nannies, I have **hated** being a personnel manager. They leave with two weeks notice--or not--and suddenly you have to find a new nanny (when it's a busy season at work, you're sick, whatever). You don't like how they're interacting with your kid or not cleaning up after themselves or not scheduling enough outings--suddenly you have to conduct de facto performance reviews with this person who is already doing this really intimate work on your behalf. I have found those conversations really awkward. (My husband, who is a manager in his professional life, didn't mind this part about having a nanny, and he actually took on some of this labor, so YMMV.)

Anyway, if you actually have a spot in a daycare that you like, I would absolutely take that because it's easier to revert to a nanny if necessary than the other way around.

I just want to chime in to say that I agree with all of this. There are a lot of great things about having a nanny, but there are definitely challenges.

I also found the being the personnel manager to be very difficult at times. And I didn’t love that my home was someone else’s workplace.