Would this make you feel awkward?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the previous posters. This mother is buying her kid's friendships. Tell the mother (as graciously as you can) that you do not permit your DD to bring playdate kid's toys to your home. Of course your child wants to play with wealthy kid because she is always receiving a gift! How will wealthy kid know when she truly has a friend??

This was the same thing that jumped out at me. Your kid should not be coming home with toys from anyone’s house, rich or poor or in between. Stop this now. “Jane, I know how much the girls love playing together. I do need to ask that Larla does not come home any new toys or new clothes. We’d love to have Cinnamon over for a play date in the next week or so. What works best for your schedule? I could pick the girls up from school, or we could look at Saturday.”

[Anonymous]

To respond to your question, that WOULD make me feel awkward.

Not because I would feel insecure, but because I genuinely dislike waste, consumerism and too structured playdates.

Not sure how I would handle though... If this were a really good friend of my child, I would host more and focus on physical activities and pretend play and letting kids come up with their own ideas... I might even tell the friend's mom that they've been too generous and I don't want my daughter to feel entitled to new things every time she goes on a playdate.

I am sure the other mom means well, but I'd try to insert my values a bit... as nicely as possible...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the previous posters. This mother is buying her kid's friendships. Tell the mother (as graciously as you can) that you do not permit your DD to bring playdate kid's toys to your home. Of course your child wants to play with wealthy kid because she is always receiving a gift! How will wealthy kid know when she truly has a friend??

This was the same thing that jumped out at me. Your kid should not be coming home with toys from anyone’s house, rich or poor or in between. Stop this now. “Jane, I know how much the girls love playing together. I do need to ask that Larla does not come home any new toys or new clothes. We’d love to have Cinnamon over for a play date in the next week or so. What works best for your schedule? I could pick the girls up from school, or we could look at Saturday.”

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To respond to your question, that WOULD make me feel awkward.

Not because I would feel insecure, but because I genuinely dislike waste, consumerism and too structured playdates.

Not sure how I would handle though... If this were a really good friend of my child, I would host more and focus on physical activities and pretend play and letting kids come up with their own ideas... I might even tell the friend's mom that they've been too generous and I don't want my daughter to feel entitled to new things every time she goes on a playdate.

I am sure the other mom means well, but I'd try to insert my values a bit... as nicely as possible...

Agree with this as well. I would just ask the mom not to buy stuff for my kid. We always say space is limited in our house, which people tend to understand.

[Anonymous]

Hiring people to entertain during play dates is strange. Kids like to just run around and okay games with their friends. It’s not a birthday party. But, other than hosting more at your house I’m not sure what you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To respond to your question, that WOULD make me feel awkward.

Not because I would feel insecure, but because I genuinely dislike waste, consumerism and too structured playdates.

Not sure how I would handle though... If this were a really good friend of my child, I would host more and focus on physical activities and pretend play and letting kids come up with their own ideas... I might even tell the friend's mom that they've been too generous and I don't want my daughter to feel entitled to new things every time she goes on a playdate.

I am sure the other mom means well, but I'd try to insert my values a bit... as nicely as possible...

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, this would make me feel awkward. Actually, it would make me kind of mad. First of all, I don't need any other toys/clothes/junk in my house. Second of all, I think the value of playdates (besides just fun) is learning social skills, being imaginative, learning to cooperate, etc. - things you do by just playing with the other child. I wouldn't want my daughter spending a ton of time in these highly structured, highly entertaining situations. I also think this other child's mom is just setting a bad example of a materialistic life that I don't really want my child to follow.

[Anonymous]

This wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable as long as I was reciprocating and hosting ~50% of the time. At their house, their rules; at my house, my rules (barring any real safety issue). You can always dial back some of the random spoiling you might do of your DD because she's getting that elsewhere. When the girls are at your house, do projects/activities that subtly reinforce your values/what you think they should get out of a play date. I wouldn't step in or say anything to the other mom. Most likely, a K friendship is a season and this will all be over soon; in the off chance this is a life long friend, don't make the other mom feel weird. Maybe try to get to know her a bit; then you'd be in a position to make it clear that all the extravagance is unnecessary but in a subtler/non-judgmental seeming way. Can you invite the whole family over for brunch or dinner or something?

[Anonymous]

I would not discourage the friendship but would politely return the toys and gifts.

[Anonymous]

DS has a friend who's parents try to stuff DS when he's at their house and sends DS home with food after every play date. Its usually just random things that she has around the house, but its awkward. We have told them that there's no need. It is obvious that DS is healthy and well fed, so they aren't doing it out of pity. We don't reciprocate, but we do make certain that their son is fed (if he's hungry) at our house. Sometimes you can't change people. They do things for whatever reason and don't feel the need to stop.

I also have a ridiculously rich friend. For my own sanity, I try to make certain that we alternate who pays for things. I'm not always successful (she sometimes sneaks her card to the waiter or tells me that I paid last time), but at least I try. I don't feel guilty about it because we are truly friends and its not about the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It just makes me want to go to a play date at their house. Myself, I mean.

I know, right?

Me three!

I would feel awkward, but wouldn't stop the playdates if the girls get along well. I would definitely offer to reciprocate and perhaps suggest outings like a movie or the park on occasion to keep it more down to earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn't make me feel uncomfortable as long as I was reciprocating and hosting ~50% of the time. At their house, their rules; at my house, my rules (barring any real safety issue). You can always dial back some of the random spoiling you might do of your DD because she's getting that elsewhere. When the girls are at your house, do projects/activities that subtly reinforce your values/what you think they should get out of a play date. I wouldn't step in or say anything to the other mom. Most likely, a K friendship is a season and this will all be over soon; in the off chance this is a life long friend, don't make the other mom feel weird. Maybe try to get to know her a bit; then you'd be in a position to make it clear that all the extravagance is unnecessary but in a subtler/non-judgmental seeming way. Can you invite the whole family over for brunch or dinner or something?

This, 1,000 times over, all of it.