ddintysons wrote:I am a divorced man in mid 50s, both kids are out of the house in college or grad school. I recently started dating a divorced woman in her early 50s (Larla) with a son still in high school.
We read DCUM and last night she brought up the posts regarding the number of sexual partners a person has had during their dating life. She asked me what was “my number.” Larla got married later and divorced earlier than I did so my guess was that her number was going to be higher than mine. It was (my number was 9, hers 15.) I shared my feelings on this issue, which are that a person’s history does not matter (outside of STD issues); instead, how a woman treats me now is what matters to me. She agreed.
Then, she started asking me about my dating past, and found out that I only had one girlfriend from my senior year of high school until the summer before my junior year of college (most of my dating was done in grad school.) Larla asked if I regretted not “getting around more” and was surprised when I told her I did not. When she asked why, I told her the truth – I loved my first girlfriend (Karla May) deeply and we had a wonderful relationship that, for me, was better anything else I could have had going on at the time. Karla May was a rape survivor, and it took an incredible amount of courage on her part to trust me enough to have sex. I treasured that trust, and she was great to me while we were together.
Now, Larla wants to know more and more about this Karla May (e.g., why did we break up, did we talk about getting married, did my parents like her.)
To me, it seems that the number of sexual partners might not be as big an issue if someone drills down to find, uncomfortably, that their partner deeply cared about a past lover.
So, ladies of DCUM, would you be concerned if you found out what Larla found out? I realize the answer is for her to let it go; however, she believes most women would want to know more about the “Karla May” in question.
That story would make me think that you are a keeper, with your head on straight.
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