How to help friend with child with autism

[Anonymous]

Maybe they were happy to be included but he was overwhelmed with all the stimulus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

A one on one play date would probably be easier. Or coffee out with the mom. It’s nice to include her. This kid probably won’t get many, especially as he ages.

My kid with autism attends a SN school and has more play dates and party invites than my NT kids. Don’t be such a know it all ass.

[Anonymous]

You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

+1 to the PP. OP if your friend said they had a great time, take her at her word. You threw a good party.

One way to help people with Autism to have a better time at large events is to invite them for 5 min early so they are the first to arrive, and can get a head start on processing all the stimuli of the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

Yes, its very "difficult" of me to ask for people who want to be my friend not to discuss how difficult my child is, and project re how I am feeling and what I need. Very inconsiderate, indeed, not to just be thankful that I am invited places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

??? Where is the condescension?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

??? Where is the condescension?

Assuming that she needs help, should be stressed, is having great difficulty. It is patronizing, which is the definition of condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not project your feelings on to it. As a mom of a child with special needs, I struggle with feeling condescended or pitied. I have a great life and I love my differently baked child. Dealing with people being oh so sorry for me is harder than he is any day. Don’t decide how she feels about and treat her like a normal mom.

Well, I am a parent of a special needs kid and what you read as condescension, I read as compassion and empathy. I am not a normal mom and yes, I could use the extra understanding and extra help. You sound very defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

??? Where is the condescension?

Assuming that she needs help, should be stressed, is having great difficulty. It is patronizing, which is the definition of condescending.

I’m sorry that you view sympathy and empathy as condescension.

When I have a difficult time, I welcome and appreciate help. Even the offer of help is greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not project your feelings on to it. As a mom of a child with special needs, I struggle with feeling condescended or pitied. I have a great life and I love my differently baked child. Dealing with people being oh so sorry for me is harder than he is any day. Don’t decide how she feels about and treat her like a normal mom.

Well, I am a parent of a special needs kid and what you read as condescension, I read as compassion and empathy. I am not a normal mom and yes, I could use the extra understanding and extra help. You sound very defensive.

I am not - I just like my life, I love my kid, I am not "struggling", I get tired of having to assure others that I am fine, and not as sad and depressed as they insist I must be. Its not empathy to decide how someone else should feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

??? Where is the condescension?

Assuming that she needs help, should be stressed, is having great difficulty. It is patronizing, which is the definition of condescending.

I’m sorry that you view sympathy and empathy as condescension.

When I have a difficult time, I welcome and appreciate help. Even the offer of help is greatly appreciated.

You have no idea if she is having a difficult time. That's your perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You “help” her by realizing that she doesn’t want your pity. Perhaps she doesn’t show her stress because she’s not having the same reaction to having her child, who she no doubt loves, that you expect her to have. Also, you don’t gossip or judge how “difficult” her child was. Start there.

Wow. You sound like the difficult one.

When someone points out that you are acting like a condescending clod, you don't need to double down.

??? Where is the condescension?

Assuming that she needs help, should be stressed, is having great difficulty. It is patronizing, which is the definition of condescending.

I’m sorry that you view sympathy and empathy as condescension.

When I have a difficult time, I welcome and appreciate help. Even the offer of help is greatly appreciated.

You have no idea if she is having a difficult time. That's your perspective.

You must live a lonely life if you are this angry about a person who shows sympathy to a mom with a SN child. You seem to be displacing your frustration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep inviting her to parties.

Offer to help, and then follow her lead.

I promptly thanked her for coming to the party. She said that she and her child had a great time and thanked me for inviting him. I can’t help but think they both must have had a terrible time.

A one on one play date would probably be easier. Or coffee out with the mom. It’s nice to include her. This kid probably won’t get many, especially as he ages.

My kid with autism attends a SN school and has more play dates and party invites than my NT kids. Don’t be such a know it all ass.

My child used to have an autistic boy in his class. I always tried to include him.

Your child at his SN school May have a lot of friends but those who attend public school are not always included.

My friend has a son with a friend with autism. He was invited to his birthday party recently. My friend almost didn’t go because of a conflict but they ended up going. The mom thanked my friend with tears saying her son was her child’s only friend at school and how grateful she was for him.