Advise from people who have had miscarriages
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Anonymous
| I'm 10:26. I will also say, that we did end up telling some family, even after the miscarriages were over. It helps the people around you to understand why things may be hard for you. Why a baby shower may be a no-go, or why you don't want to talk in a giddy way about TTC your 3rd baby. If they don't know you're struggling, they can't be supportive. |
Anonymous
| If you have a miscarriage, I don’t think that emotionally it will be easier if you hide it from your husband. It’s hard no matter what. |
Anonymous
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I did not tell many ppl and avoided websites/apps related to babies. I regret spending so much time doing that instead of enjoying the moment. Once I let my guard down the pregnancy was over and I was left feeling like I cheated myself. Just something to think about l.
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Anonymous
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Veteran of 14 losses. The best advice I received on this question was to tell the people whose support you would need if you miscarried again.
I was very open about our struggles, and for the most part, found great comfort in the overwhelming kindness and support we received at work and at home. My personal opinion is that there's way more to be gained by being open than there is by being secretive, but everyone has their own comfort level. Hew to what feels right for you and you'll be ok. And hang in there, OP. It's totally normal to worry and be a little shell-shocked. I was fearful that someone would take our DC away for a very long time - until he past the SIDS thresholds! |
Anonymous
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OP here - thank you all. I have to take blood thinner injections when pregnant. Day after I posted husband heard the distinctive click of the shot while I was in the bathroom and asked point blank what was up. I told him, so know he knows. I know that it is silly that I thought by not telling anyone I would not be invested or devastated if I lost the pregnancy, but I am trying to manage my expectations. I have been over analyzing everything. I have nausea but no breast tenderness. I don’t feel that tired any more. What if this is a missed miscarriage happening? I am just a mess about it all. I worry every time I go to the bathroom that I will wipe and see blood. If I make it through the weekend pregnant I will call to set up my first prenatal visit and get betas drawn.
I plan to wait to tell people for a while. I am super close to my siblings and think I will wait until the confirmation ultrasound to tell them. Parents around 13 weeks since I will see them in person. Everyone else 20’weeks. Hoping that I make it that far this round. |
Anonymous
21:19 again. Been there. You just have to get through it. If you like TV, I highly recommend AcornTV and Britbox. Binge on something that completely captures your attention. Broadchurch (on Netflix) is a good option. Just do everything you can to not think about it. ***BIG hugs*** |
Anonymous
| I can't imagine not telling my husband. I think you should tell him so he can also process through his own feelings on the matter. I had 8 first trimester losses and definitely needed DH to help me through the anxiety of it all. It's a very stressful time especially if you don't have some sort of cause for your losses. I tried to keep myself busy, which was easier for my third because my other two were just toddlers. I waited as long as possible to tell most people I was pregnant (20+w). We waited until 15w to even tell family. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I’m glad your husband Knows.
I also had a miscarriage over Christmas but still don’t have my period. Good luck on your journey! |
Anonymous
| Glad that your husband knows (he'll definitely notice the changes to your body while having sex) but you telling him is your biggest support in case (God forbidden) something happens! as all the previous posts said, remind yourself any day without bleeding is a good day! Hugs and prayers all the way to you! |
Anonymous
| This most recent pregnancy, I didn't tell my husband until after I had done two rounds of beta hcg levels to confirm numbers were doubling as expected. I'd just come off of a chemical pregnancy in August, and didn't want to go through that roller coaster again. I was seeing so many second trimester losses in the media, that I didn't tell the rest of my family until 21 weeks, even though everything with this pregnancy has been going perfectly. |
Anonymous
Similarly, my husband knew immediately and my mom guessed at 8 weeks. We didn't tell anyone else until 16 weeks (the rest of the family and close friends) and didn't tell work or other friends/acquaintances until about 20-22 weeks. I was getting biweekly, then weekly ultrasounds so I was comfortable after that point. |
Anonymous
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np. I didn't tell my husband about my last miscarriage; hcg was super low when i went in for a beta, and i was headed out of town. fortunately it completed naturally because I would have had to tell him if i needed another d+c.
we're now in the middle of ivf so no hiding it in the future. |
Anonymous
| 2 miscarriages and 2 live births for me, too. I always told my husband immediately. After the 1st mc we waited to tell families until the 2nd tri, with the exception of my mom who I told earlier (and who kept it a secret). Pregnancy after losses can be so hard. I did everything I could to just take each one day by day and I tried as best I could to not think about it. I watched a lot of mindless entertaining tv in my spare time. I'm sorry, OP, I hope this one works out. |