Really hate my ex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you so much, your responses really help (and the venting). I do have my daughter in therapy, with a great psychiatrist who is relieving her of confusion and is also a positive male figure. Ex, however, would never go to parent coordinator, therapist. In his eyes, he is blameless and a fantastic dad. He has yet to pack her a lunch for school. He refuses to pick up or drive her to school. He believes he is more important than extracurricular activities and I still hate him.

PP here. Glad you have her in therapy, it will really help her. My DS therapist basically said DS doesn't really need one, my ex does..but that's the closest we get. Anyway, DS is now 9, and knows that his bio-father (thinks of his stepfather as 'real' father) is a bit of a jerk, more of an uncle type figure. For fun, not to be relied on. Whew.

[Anonymous]

One more thing, I just found a therapist for myself so I have a place to vent. Oddly comforting to hear that someone else wished ill will (car crash) on their ex. I'm not evil and I'm actually nice, but the x-factor is exhausting sometimes. And I do wish he would find a nice woman, hopefully with kids, so she would clue him into the obvious (b/c he won't listen to me). Yes, we share custody because when we divorced (the child was an infant and he wasn't really around so I thought he'd stay that way) I didn't know better.

[Anonymous]

Be careful what you wish for. I thought a girlfriend would help. It made things worse! Another myth ...

[Anonymous]

Remember, OP, after 5 years you can also go back to court and request a modifcation of the original custody order. If he is realy that bad-- takes your child to bars and casinos-- you may have a strong case for seeking modificatiion. Child support orders can also be modified based on material change of circumstances (eg, if he is now making more money, or you are making less).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, I just found a therapist for myself so I have a place to vent. Oddly comforting to hear that someone else wished ill will (car crash) on their ex. I'm not evil and I'm actually nice, but the x-factor is exhausting sometimes. .

Been there! don't wish him a painful demise-- just want him gone, vanished, vaporized, out of my life, kidnapped by martians, on a 20 year trip to Timbuktu.... just gone!

[Anonymous]

10:35 Do you know how much this would cost in legal fees? And it takes months to get a hearing. Best bet is trying to get to a parent coordinator and get the man into parenting classes. Perhaps that could come with the threat of legal action.

[Anonymous]

Sheesh why are you all so afraid of lawyers??? See other post re: terrified pregnant mom.

Don't knock it until you try it! ASK a lawyer about going back and find out for sure what the costs would be.

[Anonymous]

Just knowing him, he will do something stupid again. I just found out he drove her to New York while she slept in the back, lying down, without a car seat. I just need him arrested once, no martians (tho it would be nice).

[Anonymous]

11:07 I've posted on both threads about legal fees. I am not afraid of them, but I do think a reality check is in order when people say go back to court -- especially since most of us never were in court. Most of us were in lawyers/mediators' offices, very different and not inexpensive either. I met with a lawyer recently about my difficult x and she said it would probably cost $20,000 to handle my matters. That meeting cost me $550.

OP - Do you have language in your agreement about safety? I do. You could find him in contempt and the judge could order parenting classes. Even if you do not have language, maybe you should take him to court and get him to take parenting/safety classes. This is really bad! He is endangering your child. (Mine does, too.)

[Anonymous]

PP OP at the very least do you email him your concerns? I would start documenting some of that, and perhaps have your lawyer send his lawyer a letter asking him to rectify his behavior. Be tough! I've been tough with my ex and it's gotten results (though not everything is to my liking).

[Anonymous]

Yes, about the car seat, I've had my lawyer write a pointed letter to him. Of course he denies what he did, but I had witnesses. He is just an idiot. The parenting classes run by the county are a joke and if I hear one more time how important a father figure is in a child's life, I will gag. It is just not true in all situations.

[Anonymous]

She's seven and she uses a car seat? Did you mean seatbelt?

[Anonymous]

she's under 7. I just didn't feel comfortable giving her age, being that she is so young.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the clarification. I wish you could do something.