Do you tell another child’s parent if his/her kid acted mean and hurtful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
On your watch: you deal with it right there and then, by parenting the other kid. No need to tell the parent.

If you're hearing a report from your child but were not present: you give them verbal tools to push back, and if it continues, you tell the teacher (if at school) or the adult in charge (if elsewhere, could be the parent).

This.

+1. Perfect. I would add to tell the teacher in writing/email so that it is documented in case it becomes a real problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

[Anonymous]

Only if the child was physically hurtful and try to just be factual about it. "I just wanted to let you know that Larlo bit Larla today. Larla is okay, but I thought you'd want to know about it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I am not going to say anything. I just remember reading Carolyn Hax's advice column once saying you should say something to the parent. I think it would be incredibly awkward. Kid repeatedly made fun of my child and said another friend hated him several times. He didn't stop until I said for the second time this was mean and to stop.

In this case, I would definitely tell the other parents. I would 100% want to know if one of my kids was doing this.

[Anonymous]

How old? I feel like age is really important in this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback. I am not going to say anything. I just remember reading Carolyn Hax's advice column once saying you should say something to the parent. I think it would be incredibly awkward. Kid repeatedly made fun of my child and said another friend hated him several times. He didn't stop until I said for the second time this was mean and to stop.

Dude. I would. And in correcting the child I would tell the child I was going to tell his mother. Then I would text the mother and tell her for her situational awareness that her child was taunting other children and I hope you don't mind but I shut it down. I'd absolutely want to know if my kid was being a jerk.

This. The fact that he did it in front of you tells you what he gets away with at home though, so doubt she will care. Appalling.

[Anonymous]

No, not unless the child was over-the-top physical, not just a little too aggressive child behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
On your watch: you deal with it right there and then, by parenting the other kid. No need to tell the parent.

If you're hearing a report from your child but were not present: you give them verbal tools to push back, and if it continues, you tell the teacher (if at school) or the adult in charge (if elsewhere, could be the parent).

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

I'm also a teacher and can see your point, but on the other hand I'm sick of dealing with parents of kids who are mean and hurtful and they've never been corrected or called out on it and so when I bring it to the attention of the parents they are completely shocked and deny that their kid could ever behave like that. Patterns are harder to deny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

Wow. You are a teacher? This has nothing to do with resilience. Children should not be allowed to treat others this way. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

Wow. You are a teacher? This has nothing to do with resilience. Children should not be allowed to treat others this way. Period.

I never said they should but the kids have to divide out how to stand up for themselves then. Parents running to parents to tell so parents can run interference doesn’t solve it. Remember when you were a kid at the playground, you handled other kids. Your parents were not there to intervene. Kids NEED that, I am telling you, I see the results in high school when they can’t even ask me about a missing assignment or can’t handle even a minorly annoying interaction with another student because their mom always handles everything. Op should tell HER kid how to respond to kids like that in the future, not tell the other parents and expect them to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

Wow. You are a teacher? This has nothing to do with resilience. Children should not be allowed to treat others this way. Period.

I never said they should but the kids have to divide out how to stand up for themselves then. Parents running to parents to tell so parents can run interference doesn’t solve it. Remember when you were a kid at the playground, you handled other kids. Your parents were not there to intervene. Kids NEED that, I am telling you, I see the results in high school when they can’t even ask me about a missing assignment or can’t handle even a minorly annoying interaction with another student because their mom always handles everything. Op should tell HER kid how to respond to kids like that in the future, not tell the other parents and expect them to fix it.

I don't disagree with you. I have let my DS play solo with his friends at play dates since he was 5. I keep an ear out, we have a smaller house so I can hear what is happening pretty much any where in the house. If I heard noises I couldn't explain or shouts I popped my head in to investigate. If there was an argument I would stand outside the door and wait it out. The kids needed to work these things out and I needed to let them work it out. That said, I wanted to make sure I was there if I needed to step in because they are kids. 99% of the time I did not need to do anything. The other times I would normally need to step in an remind the kids to take turns and suggest using a timer so they know when to rotate to the next kids game. And using kind words. I saw that as normal and never said anything to parents.

When there were tears and unkind words or I saw physical shoving in anger, I let the parents know. I never saw it as a kid being mean or awful but a kid becoming overwhelmed and not understanding the best way to handle things. They are, after all kids. There have been two kids that I actively did not want my child around because of their behavior and inability to self regulate. Both would hit kids and adults, throw rocks, and yell and tantrum without consequences. It was as much on their parents for not trying to control the behavior as it was on the kid for misbehaving in that way. One of those kids is in a much better place and plays fine with other kids at the park, including my son. The other is still off limits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have not done this, but there is one situation I kind of regret where the child was mean and rude to us, not to my child. We stopped arranging playdates and encouraged our child to spend time with others. I think the other parents probably wondered why and perhaps I should have said something, but wasn't brave enough to say that their child called us names to our faces over dinner and tried to blame our child (and was otherwise just kind of awful in terms of rudeness to us during an entire visit). They moved to another school so it eventually resolved itself. During playdates, I will comment or redirect though if I think the children are using language we don't permit in our home or are gossipy/mean about other children who aren't present.

We had a similar experience with a rude kid. Also moved to a new school and we were so relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do this if you want to look like a whiny weasel and be a social pariah. They’re kids, lady. They have to figure this stuff out, that’s called human development

Hey OP, here's the parent of the rude kids.

+1,000!

Lol no. Just a teacher tired of adults taking away kids’ ability to develop coping skills and then wondering why they aren’t resilient

You are a grown woman who used the phrase "whiny weasel." I hope you don't model this petulance to your students. You need to figure out empathy and emotional intelligence.