not doing bedtime

[Anonymous]

Either I do it by myself (3 young kids) or DH and I do it together. Maybe twice a month DH does them all without me, and twice a month a babysitter or my mom does it while DH and I go out.

[Anonymous]

We have one 7yo but spouse works a 4-midnight shift. I do bedtimes 5 nights a week, spouse does weekends although half the time I end up assisting with shower portion.

[Anonymous]

One 4yo...DH and I take turns on who handles bedtime. We are due with baby #2 soon, though, so l expect DH will end up doing the majority of 4yo's bedtimes while I deal with a newborn.

About once every 3-4 months, grandparents visit and handle bedtime while DH and I go out.

[Anonymous]

Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either I do it by myself (3 young kids) or DH and I do it together. Maybe twice a month DH does them all without me, and twice a month a babysitter or my mom does it while DH and I go out.

What ages? What does the process look like?

[Anonymous]

DH and I alternate. Kids are now 4 and 6. Bedtime has gotten a lot better as they have gotten a little older. Now it is just a (mostly pleasant) 40 minutes of PJs, tooth brushing, and stories. It used to be (for years) long and drawn out with lots of screaming and getting out of bed. I know it is hard to believe, but for us consistency paid off in the long run, and we are now close to where we want to be on bedtime.

I don't know your situation, but I highly recommend alternating nights with your partner if possible. But, try to ensure the timing and routine stays basically the same, regardless of who is doing bedtime. It seems (knock on wood) to have worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

OP what is your bedtime process? What's included in the 1.75 hour endurance event?

[Anonymous]

I pretty much do bedtime almost every night. The only exceptions are when I have to work late/travel or when DH and I have a date night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either I do it by myself (3 young kids) or DH and I do it together. Maybe twice a month DH does them all without me, and twice a month a babysitter or my mom does it while DH and I go out.

What ages? What does the process look like?

Baby, 3, and 6. Bigger kids do quick bath while baby nurses. Then baby hangs out while big kids put on pjs and brush hair and teeth. Big kids pick out book or play quietly together while I put baby in pjs and rock until mostly asleep, then I put baby down. Then go back to big kids, read to them together, oldest goes to her room to read independently while I sing to and snuggle 3 year old, then I go to 6 year olds room and snuggle her for 5 min. The whole thing takes an hour max.

I posted on here years ago however about how to get two kids to bed without it taking 2 hours, and I definitely had to learn how to do a succinct routine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

OP what is your bedtime process? What's included in the 1.75 hour endurance event?

Not OP, but at that age, for us, it was like...

15 minutes-- "It's time to start bedtime routine"/last tiny snack/general wrangling/maybe picking up last toys
30 minutes-- Potty, bath, including drying off and everything
15 minutes-- Get two kids into PJs and brush teeth/etc.
30 minutes-- Reading
15 minutes-- Maybe a lullaby or nursing or something, but actually getting two toddlers into bed and ASLEEP or close to it can take this long

Total = 1.75 hours

Now, we are pretty low-key and slow-going so this was nothing to be "corrected" IMO because as long as the kids get into bed at the time you want them to, what does it matter if you were spending 45 minutes playing or whatever and then an hour total getting them to the point of sleep, or the same total amount of time getting them to the point of sleep?

But that said, I empathize with the teeth gritting involved! I've realized it's because I am anticipating when they will FINALLY be asleep and I can either sleep or do my own thing, so I can sometimes feel very very impatient, especially towards the end. But I realize that's me and needing to take a deep breath and roll with it. It's another thing entirely if they are stalling and it's getting way too late or whatever, but if everything is going reasonably well and ending at the right time.... I think it's just kind of a fact that most parents are at the ends of our patience and can't wait for the kids to be in bed, which can make us feel more resentful and more quick-tempered... which can lead to a bit of a vicious circle as kids pick up on it.

But the other factor, of course, is getting help and not doing it every night, if at all possible. Because of everything I said above, it can be mentally/emotionally a little taxing, no matter what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - I was just curious how many nights you personally aren’t doing the drudgery of bedtime regardless of why or who else is doing it. I have a 1 and 2 yo and 5 nights a week i do their bedtime on my own and it’s a 1.75 hour endurance event of forced cheer. The other two nights I participate in one or both nights still. On any given day it’s fine, but by the 5th day in a row on my own I’m practically fantasizing about my sisters life (she has a 6 and 9 year old and spends tons of time with her kids but only personally does their bedtime 4 nights a week and it’s a much easier and shorter process at that stage)

OP what is your bedtime process? What's included in the 1.75 hour endurance event?

I give it a LOT of time b/c 1) they both enjoy bath time and it prevents the house getting messed up again after dinner and 2) the 2 year old stays much happier if i'm not rushing him through it but leave plenty of time for him to be silly.

6:00 - warning we're going upstairs soon, usually do some last minute dancing / running etc
6:10 - upstairs undress everyone for shower / bath and select bath toys for the night
6:30 - bath over and dress everyone (i know all of this seems so padded, but within this is giving toddler a few minutes to decide on his pajamas without caring its taking him 3 minutes to do it
6:40 - get baby's bottle, get toddler on couch for screen time, take baby upstairs for bottle and books
7:00 - baby down, go back downstairs and turn off screens for toddler, let him play a few minutes to decompress from screen
7:10 - upstairs with toddler, teeth, books, talking, bed
7:30 - downstairs and see if everyone is actually asleep
7:45 - usually done with any toddler requests / "needs" and actually have everyone down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 , 14 and 12 year old. I (dad) do bedtime every night that they need to wake up early in the morning. That includes school nights , games in the morning, early flight for vacation....ect. I'm have always been the disciplinarian in the family. When they were younger it was an issue, but now they just understand it is easier to do what I say the first time. Bedtime is the easiest part of the day for our family.

What do you "do" for bedtime at these ages? I feel like OP must have been asking about small children who need to be ushered through the bath-pajama-teeth brushing-stories routine.

With my 12yo, I say "it's getting late, better get to bed," and she gets ready for bed. Most nights I don't even tell her when to go to bed, she just finishes her homework and music practice, makes her lunch for the next day, and gets to bed as early as she can manage. She knows she'll be tired the next day if she doesn't.

If I tried to "do" a bedtime routine now, I can only imagine the eye-rolling...

[Anonymous]

OP, if you share details of why it seems like such an endurance event, people might have more concrete suggestions to help.

To answer your question: any time a parent is home, he or she will absolutely make the time for bedtime stories/ hugs and snuggles with each of two kids. I work late two nights a week, so on those days all I manage is a quick facetime with the kids to ask about their day and blow kisses. My husband covers those nights. The other days I am mostly back in time to give them their dinner bath etc. My husband works from home so sometimes he can participate in the entire routine, and sometimes part thereof depending on his workload.

It might help you to streamline the routine. My kids are now 6 and 3.5 and have had a joint evening routine since the younger one was about 9 months old. Here's our current one:
4:45pm: Pick up toys while their dinner gets on the table
5:00pm: Dinner
5:30pm Bath together, PJs, brush teeth. Sometimes this takes longer when we wash hair, floss etc but usually done in 15 mins
Up to 6:30: Bedtime stories, hugs and snuggles, one last potty, one last hug, Mom I really need to tell you something etc
6:30: In bed, lights off

So yes, it takes about 1.75 hours, but it's hard to make it any quicker. Kids need at least 30 minutes for dinner, the older one is not quite there with being able to shower independently, etc. But it's not too bad, and at least I don't need to do anything to help them fall asleep, and I don't have to see them until the next morning (unless they wake up at night because of sickness etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 , 14 and 12 year old. I (dad) do bedtime every night that they need to wake up early in the morning. That includes school nights , games in the morning, early flight for vacation....ect. I'm have always been the disciplinarian in the family. When they were younger it was an issue, but now they just understand it is easier to do what I say the first time. Bedtime is the easiest part of the day for our family.

What do you "do" for bedtime at these ages? I feel like OP must have been asking about small children who need to be ushered through the bath-pajama-teeth brushing-stories routine.

With my 12yo, I say "it's getting late, better get to bed," and she gets ready for bed. Most nights I don't even tell her when to go to bed, she just finishes her homework and music practice, makes her lunch for the next day, and gets to bed as early as she can manage. She knows she'll be tired the next day if she doesn't.

If I tried to "do" a bedtime routine now, I can only imagine the eye-rolling...

I have an 11 & 8 year old and I tell them it's time to take a shower (but I wouldn't call that part of "doing" bedtime) and then either they brush their teeth or I remind them to brush (50-50 success rate, at this point) then I read to both kids. I hope I don't get eye-rolls for the reading for a long time; I really enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Kids are 6, 5 and 2. Usually we are splitting bedtime with one parent reading to the 2 yo and the other reading to the big kids. Getting everyone in pjs, teeth brushed etc is a tag team affair. Once a week I am out and DH does bedtime for everyone by himself. A few times a year it is the reverse.