Always angry with my husband lately

[Anonymous]

Would your husband be up for taking one of the older two on solo outings? Sometimes little one on one can reset a parent. And you can’t be on the phone while driving, etc.

And I certainly hope the whole family does not go to the kid activities on the weekends. Take back your weekends, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you have three kids now. You have to lower your expectations a bit or you'll go bananas. Truly. Six and four year olds don't need many activities (beyond swimming, for safety). Your whole family needs downtime after a busy year. Your oldest will learn to read just fine, and your youngest will talk just fine, almost certainly. None of my three had words at 11 months and all three were on track in speech development. If you try to run a three kid family like a two kid family--especially when both parents aren't on board--you'll bring on way more stress than you need.

-Mom of three

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids are getting ALL the attention, frankly. Say no to some activities. Spend quality time with your husband, or build down time into your routine, instead of treating him like a servant who just needs to do chores and sh*t with the kids. You’ve made a life that revolves completely around your kids to the utter neglect of your marriage and anyone having down time. Do your kids even know how to entertain themselves or have any “bored” time where they learn to entertain themselves? Really, hiding behind the couch crying because they’re not getting attention? The problem here is not the husband.

Agreed. I can't imagine not allowing myself or DH any downtime. That would make for some VERY cranky and exhausted parents. Your kids are 6,4,and 11 months. You don't need to be so busy with activities. Take some downtime. Build in relaxation time for BOTH of you. I get that you want DH to be more involved, but frankly your life sounds exhausting and I can't blame him for checking out a bit.

It also sounds like you have some anxiety, have you ever been diagnosed?

OP here. Our downtime is after the kids go to bed (from 8 to 11 or so). We also occasionally take a weekend trip and before baby cake we did week long trips once or twice a year. We do focus in our relationship too, but since the baby arrived it hasn’t been as easy. It’s hard for anyone to handle 3 kids with very different ages and needs.

I am a bit of an anxious person, but it has never been an issue in life. DH is the most relaxed person on the planet and I do feel that if I am not the one planning, organizing and deciding, we would still be living in his 1 bedroom apartment and would still be deciding on whether we should have kids

How much sleep are you getting if you're staying up that late? Consider an earlier bedtime for a couple of days, which might help.

And anxiety is a tricky business--I would have described myself as "a bit of anxious person" for several years, but a couple experiences of bad stress and guess what? I've got to own up the the fact that I have anxiety, and that I needed therapy and continue to need meds to manage it. You may have reached a point where you need some help, and that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Op you're acting like a martyr. Your posts are so over the top and you have these ridiculous expectations. You've torn apart your DH but are you perfect all the time? Are you never tired and slightly checked out? You're martyring yourself to be this perfect mom with a perfect little family but you're going to end up ruining it because your marriage is going to be a mess.

Take a step back. Let the kids play by themselves a little bit. Start paying attention to what good stuff your dH does do. Start taking time for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that DH never takes initiative when it comes to the kids (he does load the dishwasher or clean up the kitchen for example). I have to ask him to change the baby, prepare a bottle, make sure kids are eating, tide up around the house (we have a cleaning lady weekly, but we still ride up), etc. I think he has no idea what the kids eat, where their clothes are, etc.

He takes care of our finances and pays all the bills, so I am ok taking more on the kids front, I just wish it wasn’t 90%.

I also wish he wanted to spend time with them and help them grow (teach, educate, play, etc.). I can ask him to watch them and he will, but he will basically sit in their room while they play and make a mess and he will be on his phone...

Do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want to add that DH never takes initiative when it comes to the kids (he does load the dishwasher or clean up the kitchen for example). I have to ask him to change the baby, prepare a bottle, make sure kids are eating, tide up around the house (we have a cleaning lady weekly, but we still ride up), etc. I think he has no idea what the kids eat, where their clothes are, etc.

He takes care of our finances and pays all the bills, so I am ok taking more on the kids front, I just wish it wasn’t 90%.

I also wish he wanted to spend time with them and help them grow (teach, educate, play, etc.). I can ask him to watch them and he will, but he will basically sit in their room while they play and make a mess and he will be on his phone...

Do you work?

Yes. From home mostly, but I do have weeks when I have to go in the office everyday. DH does not have as much flexibility and travels quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like your kids are getting ALL the attention, frankly. Say no to some activities. Spend quality time with your husband, or build down time into your routine, instead of treating him like a servant who just needs to do chores and sh*t with the kids. You’ve made a life that revolves completely around your kids to the utter neglect of your marriage and anyone having down time. Do your kids even know how to entertain themselves or have any “bored” time where they learn to entertain themselves? Really, hiding behind the couch crying because they’re not getting attention? The problem here is not the husband.

Agreed. I can't imagine not allowing myself or DH any downtime. That would make for some VERY cranky and exhausted parents. Your kids are 6,4,and 11 months. You don't need to be so busy with activities. Take some downtime. Build in relaxation time for BOTH of you. I get that you want DH to be more involved, but frankly your life sounds exhausting and I can't blame him for checking out a bit.

It also sounds like you have some anxiety, have you ever been diagnosed?

OP here. Our downtime is after the kids go to bed (from 8 to 11 or so). We also occasionally take a weekend trip and before baby cake we did week long trips once or twice a year. We do focus in our relationship too, but since the baby arrived it hasn’t been as easy. It’s hard for anyone to handle 3 kids with very different ages and needs.

I am a bit of an anxious person, but it has never been an issue in life. DH is the most relaxed person on the planet and I do feel that if I am not the one planning, organizing and deciding, we would still be living in his 1 bedroom apartment and would still be deciding on whether we should have kids

How much sleep are you getting if you're staying up that late? Consider an earlier bedtime for a couple of days, which might help.

And anxiety is a tricky business--I would have described myself as "a bit of anxious person" for several years, but a couple experiences of bad stress and guess what? I've got to own up the the fact that I have anxiety, and that I needed therapy and continue to need meds to manage it. You may have reached a point where you need some help, and that's ok.

Thanks! I will consider it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you're acting like a martyr. Your posts are so over the top and you have these ridiculous expectations. You've torn apart your DH but are you perfect all the time? Are you never tired and slightly checked out? You're martyring yourself to be this perfect mom with a perfect little family but you're going to end up ruining it because your marriage is going to be a mess.

Take a step back. Let the kids play by themselves a little bit. Start paying attention to what good stuff your dH does do. Start taking time for each other.

OP here. I am not perfect at all. I am not very patient and lose my temper more often than I should. This is also why I think this is happening. I am not being a good mom because I am also tired and would love to do nothing and check out for a while. I am not proud of myself and I want to do and be better, but I need DH to help more. It would be great if my DH took on a little more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have three kids now. You have to lower your expectations a bit or you'll go bananas. Truly. Six and four year olds don't need many activities (beyond swimming, for safety). Your whole family needs downtime after a busy year. Your oldest will learn to read just fine, and your youngest will talk just fine, almost certainly. None of my three had words at 11 months and all three were on track in speech development. If you try to run a three kid family like a two kid family--especially when both parents aren't on board--you'll bring on way more stress than you need.

-Mom of three

Thanks! You are right!

[Anonymous]

1) When was your last date night?
2) Are you getting tired of the travel (you can admit it)? Of course a job with less travel might mean less $$$. But if he's making under $200k the travel's gotta stop.
3) I think the moment DH does more, you'll be asking him to do even more. It won't stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you're acting like a martyr. Your posts are so over the top and you have these ridiculous expectations. You've torn apart your DH but are you perfect all the time? Are you never tired and slightly checked out? You're martyring yourself to be this perfect mom with a perfect little family but you're going to end up ruining it because your marriage is going to be a mess.

Take a step back. Let the kids play by themselves a little bit. Start paying attention to what good stuff your dH does do. Start taking time for each other.

OP here. I am not perfect at all. I am not very patient and lose my temper more often than I should. This is also why I think this is happening. I am not being a good mom because I am also tired and would love to do nothing and check out for a while. I am not proud of myself and I want to do and be better, but I need DH to help more. It would be great if my DH took on a little more.

Everyone needs to check out now and then. Seriously, you're setting both you and your DH up for failure by trying to do everything and be a perfect little family. Sit down with your DH and figure out what you can drop and where you can build in time off for both of you. And yes, it does sound like you could benefit from therapy. The more you post the worse I feel for your DH.

[Anonymous]

I don't really get these threads. I am sure her DH could also write a post where he nit picks every little thing that OP does that he finds annoying or isn't he way he wants it to be. I mean anyone can pretty much do that. Two people have different personalities and approach life a little differently.

It is sad that women spend so much time being so critical and judgmental of every little thing. I am a woman and I don't get it. Seems it would just make life pretty miserable to look around you and constantly judge and criticize what everyone else does - all the while putting yourself on some pedestal.

[Anonymous]

On his phone and he is tired?? You need a girl's weekend away with a friend and leave the DH in charge.

[Anonymous]

When you find yourself angry all the time, take a look in the mirror and see if it's really just you upset with yourself. Often times it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get these threads. I am sure her DH could also write a post where he nit picks every little thing that OP does that he finds annoying or isn't he way he wants it to be. I mean anyone can pretty much do that. Two people have different personalities and approach life a little differently.

It is sad that women spend so much time being so critical and judgmental of every little thing. I am a woman and I don't get it. Seems it would just make life pretty miserable to look around you and constantly judge and criticize what everyone else does - all the while putting yourself on some pedestal.

x a million