Explain a night nurse to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuinely curious if the posters who say night nannies are for lazy parents ever use any childcare whatsoever. Do you EVER have someone, paid or unpaid, take care of baby so you can nap? Go to the gym? Take a shower? Go to work?

This is literally the exact same thing, only at night.

Why do you care if a perfect stranger thinks you're lazy?

Moreoever...what is wrong with being lazy?

Right? Who cares what some vile creature on DCUM thinks? I would have loved to get even a single night of unbroken sleep once a week when the kids were brand new! I was too poor for a night nurse though, so I just had to suck it up. I'm so glad to be out of that phase of life. Both my kids slept in 45 minute increments for months and I was absolutely miserable.

[Anonymous]

I used a FANTASTIC night nurse for both my babies 6 nights a week. They were both babies that were up for HOURS screaming every night so I was getting about 1-2 hours of sleep a night and losing my mind. DH is on a medication at night that prevents him from waking easily to help and had to go back to work travel after 2 weeks anyways.

Once I got the night nurse (about 1.5 weeks in both times), maternity leave and early motherhood went from being miserable where I cried from exhaustion and was rapidly sliding into depression, to an ok experience where i was able to adjust and bond. I still took care of my cranky high-needs babies for 16 hours a day (and got up to pump at night) - in what world is that lazy?! And I was able to do it calmly and sanely and the second time around continue to be a great mom

And now a few years in I'm far from a lazy mom, i have no guilt about making the first few months more enjoyable for both me and my baby (someone was there to lovingly hold them all night vs me desperately trying to put them back down because they'd been crying and up for hours), and if anything it made both our lives better vs worse

Yes i realize its a privilege to afford this help. Yes I believe i could have sucked it up and done it if I hadn't been able to afford help, probably with more ppd, a much harder transition back to work (and yes my income impacts my kid's lives), more snapping at my toddler, my arguing with my husband and long term impact on my marriage (which also impacts my kids lives), and no i'm not going to feel any guilt or like i was lazy for not martyring myself and making everyone more miserable on principle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never used one but I have heard of both scenarios...one where they are expected to be awake all night and one where they are "allowed" to lay down and snooze right next to the baby.

If you have ever had a baby that takes a lot of effort to resettle back to sleep or who stays up hours in the middle of the night fussing, good for you. But those babies exist and it is really, really difficult. The compounded lack of sleep from this situation with my first child caused me debilitating anxiety. Do not call parents who use a night nurse lazy until you've walked a mile in those shoes.

Up to this point, no one has called parents lazy. Stop projecting.

[Anonymous]

I would think it's so worth it for the hard to settle babies and babies that have reflux. Both of mine were only up for a little bit enough to nurse and pass back out at night past the first month. And even then my second was night and day switched for 3 weeks and she wanted to party at 2 am and I just wanted to sleep. Dh and I managed but a night nurse would have been great to give the baby to for soothing and changing and burping for a couple weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never used one but I have heard of both scenarios...one where they are expected to be awake all night and one where they are "allowed" to lay down and snooze right next to the baby.

If you have ever had a baby that takes a lot of effort to resettle back to sleep or who stays up hours in the middle of the night fussing, good for you. But those babies exist and it is really, really difficult. The compounded lack of sleep from this situation with my first child caused me debilitating anxiety. Do not call parents who use a night nurse lazy until you've walked a mile in those shoes.

Up to this point, no one has called parents lazy. Stop projecting.

A now-deleted comment basically said that it was a lazy mother's way to avoid being a parent, or something to that effect. And there were comments agreeing (could be sock puppet posts though). Thread has been cleaned up quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Genuinely curious if the posters who say night nannies are for lazy parents ever use any childcare whatsoever. Do you EVER have someone, paid or unpaid, take care of baby so you can nap? Go to the gym? Take a shower? Go to work?

This is literally the exact same thing, only at night.

No i never used anyone but DH.

In other words, you’re a sahp, likely without older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never used one but I have heard of both scenarios...one where they are expected to be awake all night and one where they are "allowed" to lay down and snooze right next to the baby.

If you have ever had a baby that takes a lot of effort to resettle back to sleep or who stays up hours in the middle of the night fussing, good for you. But those babies exist and it is really, really difficult. The compounded lack of sleep from this situation with my first child caused me debilitating anxiety. Do not call parents who use a night nurse lazy until you've walked a mile in those shoes.

Up to this point, no one has called parents lazy. Stop projecting.

They were reported for rudeness, and Jeff was kind enough to delete them.

[Anonymous]

I would have had more than 1 child if I could afford a night nurse. I can’t function on too little sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to do this. There are three levels:
Night nanny: just a lady who has some experience caring for newborns.
Newborn Care Specialist: some minor training and at least 1800 hours of hands-on experience with newborn care
Baby nurse: Should have an RN or LPN, but occasionally people in the night nanny category will call themselves this, not realizing that it puts them at risk of liability since they are not medical professionals.

You can have someone who is awake the whole night but you usually have to pay extra for it. I was never getting much sleep but it is nearly impossible to sit quietly in a dark room with a sleeping baby and not drift off here and there. But I was never sleeping so deeply that I missed a whimper from the baby(ies).

Typically I would arrive between 9-10, depending on when the baby went down. I would usually chat with the parents while they did the last feed of the night, then I would get the baby(ies) down for the night. Usually new parents have lots of questions, so typically I would spend the first “shift” (10-1) putting together an email for them with links to sources that answered any questions they had or helped with any issues they mentioned (swaddling, soothing, bottle-feeding, nursing, scheduling, bathing—all that basic trouble-shooting). Then when the baby woke I would either bring to parents for nursing or make a bottle and afterwards I would handle burping, changing and settling baby. If a parent was nursing I would offer to bring drinks or snacks during the feed. If they were pumping I would wash and sanitize pump parts and assemble for the next feed, or if bottle-fed I would wash and sanitize bottles and prep formula for the next meal.

The middle shift of 1-4-ish I would usually just rest and sit in the chair in the nursery. When they woke I would rinse and repeat the routine from before. Then 4-7 I would prep bottles or pump parts and tidy the nursery for the next day.

My clients fell into a few categories:
1) families with multiples
2) high-needs babies such as colic, gastro tube, severe reflux, or other medical complications
3) Parent with medical needs such as PPD or PPA, or complications with the delivery or preexisting disability that caused them to need more help such as MS or RA
4) Parents who used only one or two nights a week to keep from being completely exhausted (usually either a single parent, a coparent who had no parental leave and long work hours or a SAH parent with other children who needed attention during the day that precluded napping with the baby).

This is very helpful, thank you.