Overwhelmed and wondering how others manage the to do list.

[Anonymous]

A MAJOR declutter changed my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm SUPER overwhelmed too. I have a 5 yr old and a 10 month old. I do drop off and pick up to school and daycare every day; i cook all the meals; i do all the laundry; I pay the bills and do our taxes; I handle all doctor's appointments and playdates. If I'm lucky, I carve out a few hours to go to the gym each week, but it's not enough. I can't afford to hire help right now. I love my government job, but I dream of going back into to the private sector so I could afford a nanny. I keep telling myself that it will get easier as the kids get older. I'm afraid I'm going to have a meltdown any day now. I just try to just think "one day at a time."

Are you a single parent? If so then hats off. If not then where is your spouse?

We manage by my husband doing his share and me doing mine. He does pickup every day. Packs the bottles for the baby and washes pump parts and bottles at 4 am when he wakes up anyway. He does taxes every year and the 529, increments etc. He does kids laundry and his. I do mine. He does at least half of the grocery shopping (Costco and tj since they are close to his work). He also takes the oldest to gymnastics since he wants her to do a sport and signed her up and renews. He will research and find a soccer or other sports activity when time comes.
I do 90% of the cooking, repairs (including calling for service and organizing and being home for it), organizing landscaping, all party stuff, home improvement including vetting and hiring contractors and making renovations plans, gifts and cleaning and dr appointments for me and the kids. We do have an every other week cleaning person to do bathrooms and floors etc.
ours is a full partnership. We both work but we also both do a lot around the house and sit down weekly to go over the plan for the week and monthly for money things. It helps and leaves us with some free time to do fun things (well at least before the baby came

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think there's a magic trick to it, it's just modern life with two working parents and kids. We just muddle along.

If you see a post from me about going away for the weekend, it doesn't mean that the house is clean, and our to-do list is done. It just means we ditched it all and went away because if we waited until everything was done, we'd never get out!

My house is perpetually cluttered and I'm also overdue for a haircut, dentist appt and getting new work clothes. But we're healthy, fed, clean, kids do activities, kids doing well in school, bills get paid and taxes get filed.

Maybe my house will be nice and organized when the kids leave for college.

This. +1.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer is in your question... your husband doesn’t plan any activities in any way at all, do bills, plan long term with finances, and you don’t have the money to outsource any other household jobs so that you can unweight yourself to plan, etc.

It sounds like it’s all on you and yes, you will be exhausted and spending every weekend running around doing errands and trying to clean, do “life” stuff and everything that comes with that.

I solved my problem by sticking with one grocery store that has an app and I pick up groceries once a week, everything else I need to buy is Amazon. Kids clothes are Gap ordered online. My clothes are Jcrew, Banana, Loft, online. Etc.
Do I pay a little more for things since I don’t price check toilet paper between Walmart target and amazon? Yes.
But click click click and it’s there. I am literally never in a store. I do it from carpool, my lunch break, during a movie, whatever.

As far as cleaning I just do wipe downs every day and big cleaning once a month.

I have a husband who handles all the finances (everything joint but he’s the one telling me “we have $100 left in HSA” or “we have $250 left for groceries”, no issues there and he plans things.

One big thing is we don’t all do things together. Sometimes he takes kids on a Sunday adventure and I stay home and luxuriate in the peace and quiet or cook or whatever. Sometimes I pack them up for a quick overnight and he gets to hang out with the guys.

[Anonymous]

Our bills are all automated except for one bill which gets dropped off when the tank is filled and DH pays it right away.

I get home at 330 and get DS from the bus at 345. I either do one load of laundry or empty/load the dishwasher before taking DS to an activity. When DH gets home between 530-630, he puts the clothes away or empties the dishwasher.

DS (7) is in charge of cleaning his playroom/bedroom twice a week. Every 3 months we do an overhaul to make sure it all gets organized again.

We have a cleaner every other week.

I make a to do list for DH during the week. It has maybe 5-6 things on it, so he can cross them all off on one day after dinner, or he can do one a day.

I have my own to do list of 5-6 things.

Every 3 months I take an afternoon/night to reorganize my clothes, as thats what tends to get the most cluttered.

But we also aren't sticklers for making our house perfectly clean if we're not having people over. I'd rather spend Saturday skiing than doing 5 loads of laundry or scrubbing the house.

[Anonymous]

Put off cleaning the house for a week and go have fun.

[Anonymous]

What you are doing wrong is comparing your reality to social media. The friends who are skiing may have missed bills, messy house, etc and you wouldn’t know.

[Anonymous]

Op - I'm guessing you are getting more satisfaction from your list-checking-off than others. For many of us our to-do list doesn't get priority.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the other responses, but I totally understand where you're coming from. My kids are the same ages and I feel equally overwhelmed (and have also taken the occasional day off to get things done for myself and around the house). Know that you are not alone!

In my situation - a lot of our friends or the kids' friends parents have more money than we do and outsource pretty much everything. They don't have to clean their homes because they have weekly cleaning services. A lot of them order or eat out 3-4 nights a week. One friend had her nanny basically do everything child-related (cleaning, laundry, feeding), and then when her kids got older, converted her nanny into a Alice-style housekeeper. She picks the kids up from school and shuttles them to after school activities, but before that, she gets pretty much everything done in the 4-5 hours before she picks them up - she grocery shops, she cooks or meal preps, she does laundry, she tidies up the house, etc. Other friends have au pairs so they don't have to worry about childcare and they have a built in babysitter.

To answer the question - do the best you can do and let things slide if you need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have people who clean the house twice a week, and a full time nanny despite our kids being in elementary school. We are willing to pay the nanny for full time for when school is out, kids are sick, and it's in our contract that the nanny will do house-stuff during the day (like ordering groceries and putting them away, managing repairmen who come by to fix the deck, etc.).

Ha - you might be the friend I talked about...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi! I am a pretty organized person but I am still finding it hard to keep up with the long list of things to do. My husband and I both work. We have two kids. Elementary age and toddler. The last few months have just gotten to me and my pile of things to do just keeps getting longer. I literally took today off just to sit down and get some stuff done (mostly bills - but also a hair cut since it has been since last MAY that I've gotten one.)

I see on social media friends going skiing or whatever every weekend. How do they do it and keep the house clean, exercise, manage kids activities/homework, repairs, bills, signing kids up for activities, plan vacations . . . I would LOVE to take the family skiiing or whatever each weekend. We try to do something once a month as a family - but it stinks to think we spend all weekend most of the time recovering from the week. We will go the play ground or something fun for a few hours, but it is not the same.

We do not have house cleaners, not in the budget. I think I am pretty organized, but maybe not? My husband helps out around the house, but he is not a good planner, would never think to plan for summer camp or vacations or anything more than a few hours in advance. He will not do the taxes or deal with financial advisor.

What are we doing wrong? I wish I had more time to hang out with friends or go on adventures.

Have you tried auto bill pay? But otherwise, going skiing every weekend sounds excessive. Maybe they have house cleaners or they don't sleep.

NP but I personally prefer to look at bills before I pay them. Some of us are on a budget and like to reconcile our bills before we pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm SUPER overwhelmed too. I have a 5 yr old and a 10 month old. I do drop off and pick up to school and daycare every day; i cook all the meals; i do all the laundry; I pay the bills and do our taxes; I handle all doctor's appointments and playdates. If I'm lucky, I carve out a few hours to go to the gym each week, but it's not enough. I can't afford to hire help right now. I love my government job, but I dream of going back into to the private sector so I could afford a nanny. I keep telling myself that it will get easier as the kids get older. I'm afraid I'm going to have a meltdown any day now. I just try to just think "one day at a time."

Sounds like you need a husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have people who clean the house twice a week, and a full time nanny despite our kids being in elementary school. We are willing to pay the nanny for full time for when school is out, kids are sick, and it's in our contract that the nanny will do house-stuff during the day (like ordering groceries and putting them away, managing repairmen who come by to fix the deck, etc.).

Ha - you might be the friend I talked about...

Could be. We do go on trips pretty often. We're rarely overwhelmed, and if we are, it's temporary. Like this morning when I got to work and had 132 emails to get through.

[Anonymous]

OP, the couples I know who aren't exhausted every weekend are those where both parents are kind of organized and efficient.

So they both manage to get a lot done during the week AND one person doesn't have to manage the other person on the weekend -- they both have their areas and just get shit done without a lot of procrastination.

In our marriage, I'm chronically disorganized. My husband is pretty organized but just doesn't tend to plan much about the house or kids. So we're just a hot mess, most of the time.

(Also it helps if your kids aren't ADHD or special needs themselves.)

[Anonymous]

I live on a farm, so the work here is never done. between the kids, my job, my farmwork (chores take 2.5+ hours a day, caring for 11 horses), and trying to keep my young horses in work....the To Do List is just never done. You have to learn to deal with that.

My advice is to use your hands to get things done in the evenings, even if it is watching TV and otherwise resting. Last night after the kids were in bed, I spent a few hours cleaning bridles and watching documentaries. Most nights, I have a audiobook playing on my phone while I fold laundry, clean, or caulk and paint the molding in the basement like I did Saturday.

I am also very good at getting work done around the other chaos. Like if I wake up at 4 am restless, I finish a contract or file a trademark application. There's always something I could be doing. Don't sit around dreading it, just pick something and start! On DCUM now waiting for dinner to finish.