DD (14) is boy crazy, not sure how to deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach her not to have sex with a guy who doesn’t know how to buy condoms to have sex. Don’t have sex with a guy who doesn’t supply condoms.

This is not good advice. Young women need to be able to protect their bodies from STDs, and birth control does not do that. Condoms are for both the male and female partner. When teens are ready to have sex they are ready, and will not stop to go buy condoms. Instead they will use the pullout method, which is not protection against pregnancy or disease.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what the parents understand. They are coming from my teen, not me. I'm not enabling anything. This has worked for my 18 year old son, and now applies to my daughter, because rules are the same at our house. My son only gave them out to one friend. That friend was going to have sex, condoms or not.

I would be pretty upset at another parent providing condoms for my kid - and it is you, not your kid, because you are the one keeping them stocked. I have plenty of conversations with all of my kids about safe sex, but I don't believe it is any other parent's place to facilitate that sex or to decide my kid is going to have it anyway so they might as well provide the condom. I bet you are the same parent that provides the alcohol at your house, or at the very least turns a blind eye to it, because "the kids are going to drink anyway, so they might as well do it where they are safe." Providing condoms for someone else's kid is way out of line. Even if you don't agree, you need to know that a lot of other parents wouldn't be happy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't care what the parents understand. They are coming from my teen, not me. I'm not enabling anything. This has worked for my 18 year old son, and now applies to my daughter, because rules are the same at our house. My son only gave them out to one friend. That friend was going to have sex, condoms or not.

I would be pretty upset at another parent providing condoms for my kid - and it is you, not your kid, because you are the one keeping them stocked. I have plenty of conversations with all of my kids about safe sex, but I don't believe it is any other parent's place to facilitate that sex or to decide my kid is going to have it anyway so they might as well provide the condom. I bet you are the same parent that provides the alcohol at your house, or at the very least turns a blind eye to it, because "the kids are going to drink anyway, so they might as well do it where they are safe." Providing condoms for someone else's kid is way out of line. Even if you don't agree, you need to know that a lot of other parents wouldn't be happy about it.

Alcohol and condoms are not the same thing. Do not be obtuse. I don't care if you aren't happy about it.

There are free condoms at my house in the first bathroom drawer. There are also free tampons in there. In the kitchen there is a bowl of M&Ms and sometimes soda in the fridge. All perfectly legal things that you might not offer your teen in your home.

FYI, your teen's HS is also providing condoms to your teens (in MoCo).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal activity. But I would have VERY open and honest talks with her about oral sex, sex, peer pressure, inappropriate pictures, social media sharing of pictures, etc.

Be prepared to start birth control by 16, and have condoms in the house available for taking. Again, it may be completely unnecessary, but you cannot be too safe. At very least she can give condoms to friends if they need them.

No. Many parents will understand that she and you are enabling such behavior among minors. Please don't.

No, you are not living in the real world. Sixteen year olds while they are minors they can buy condoms. It's not against the law. If a teen is going to have sex they have already decided before getting condoms.

What the law says and what parents feel about it is very different, PP. I live in Bethesda, in a rather international community, where families come from different parts of the world with their own cultural values. Please don't make the mistake of thinking all families are fine with such behaviors. I would not be happy if another teen handed condoms to my teens, particularly not if said teen shared that his parents encouraged him or her to do this. I would think you were extremely rude. My teens look to me for guidance and are aware of our family values. I talk to them about STDs and pregnancies and why protection is important. But from there to handing condoms to someone else, there is a wide gap, and it's shocking you can't see it.

[Anonymous]

Alcohol and condoms are not the same thing. Do not be obtuse. I don't care if you aren't happy about it.

There are free condoms at my house in the first bathroom drawer. There are also free tampons in there. In the kitchen there is a bowl of M&Ms and sometimes soda in the fridge. All perfectly legal things that you might not offer your teen in your home.

FYI, your teen's HS is also providing condoms to your teens (in MoCo).

When I was in high school, all the kids talked about parents like you, who tried so hard to be friends with the teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Alcohol and condoms are not the same thing. Do not be obtuse. I don't care if you aren't happy about it.

There are free condoms at my house in the first bathroom drawer. There are also free tampons in there. In the kitchen there is a bowl of M&Ms and sometimes soda in the fridge. All perfectly legal things that you might not offer your teen in your home.

FYI, your teen's HS is also providing condoms to your teens (in MoCo).

When I was in high school, all the kids talked about parents like you, who tried so hard to be friends with the teenagers.

Nope, not trying to be friends. Just want them to be safe.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the relationship forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal activity. But I would have VERY open and honest talks with her about oral sex, sex, peer pressure, inappropriate pictures, social media sharing of pictures, etc.

Be prepared to start birth control by 16, and have condoms in the house available for taking. Again, it may be completely unnecessary, but you cannot be too safe. At very least she can give condoms to friends if they need them.

I don't recommend being "that parent" who supplies condoms to high school girls. You have good intentions, but this is NOT your responsibility and could blow back hard.

No kidding. Terrible advice from PP who seems bent on turning harmless flirting by a 14 YO into something sexual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure she is treating them with respect

More importantly, make sure she understands what it means to be TREATED with respect.

Why would it be more important that she be treated with respect than that she treat the boys with respect? Do you feel only girls deserve to be treated with respect?

Both are equally important. You should treat others with respect and you should be treated with respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal activity. But I would have VERY open and honest talks with her about oral sex, sex, peer pressure, inappropriate pictures, social media sharing of pictures, etc.

Be prepared to start birth control by 16, and have condoms in the house available for taking. Again, it may be completely unnecessary, but you cannot be too safe. At very least she can give condoms to friends if they need them.

No. Many parents will understand that she and you are enabling such behavior among minors. Please don't.

I don't care what the parents understand. They are coming from my teen, not me. I'm not enabling anything. This has worked for my 18 year old son, and now applies to my daughter, because rules are the same at our house. My son only gave them out to one friend. That friend was going to have sex, condoms or not.

Yep me too. I always had in linen closet was clear they were there if needed by whomever. I wasn’t supplying them or being “that parent”, unless you mean a parent that’s pretty aware teens have sex and who wants her own kids to be safe. If another teen is safer because of that, I have done my job well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Alcohol and condoms are not the same thing. Do not be obtuse. I don't care if you aren't happy about it.

There are free condoms at my house in the first bathroom drawer. There are also free tampons in there. In the kitchen there is a bowl of M&Ms and sometimes soda in the fridge. All perfectly legal things that you might not offer your teen in your home.

FYI, your teen's HS is also providing condoms to your teens (in MoCo).

When I was in high school, all the kids talked about parents like you, who tried so hard to be friends with the teenagers.

Nope, not trying to be friends. Just want them to be safe.

You and I are similar. This”friends” thing is so ridiculous. Yes I am friends with my kids AND I am their parent and have clear boundaries on things important to me and our family. It’s not binary. But it appears to be a dialectic many parents have a hard time understanding. I’m probably most proud that my kids have always told me they could come to me knowing I wouldn’t freak out about stuff and I’d help them think through solutions or responses to their concerns or situations. On the specific OP issue, normal for many teens to be very opposite sex obsessed for awhile. Had teens that went through this and teens that didn’t. For the girls, especially, it can become a game of popularity/status. Just keep things open in terms of communication, help her gain self esteem in other areas, and yes, be aware that 14/15 is when a lot of kids are sexually experimenting. Especially oral sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Alcohol and condoms are not the same thing. Do not be obtuse. I don't care if you aren't happy about it.

There are free condoms at my house in the first bathroom drawer. There are also free tampons in there. In the kitchen there is a bowl of M&Ms and sometimes soda in the fridge. All perfectly legal things that you might not offer your teen in your home.

FYI, your teen's HS is also providing condoms to your teens (in MoCo).

When I was in high school, all the kids talked about parents like you, who tried so hard to be friends with the teenagers.

Having your kid have access to condoms easily is not trying to be friends with your kids. It's being terrified of becoming a grandparent at 50

[Anonymous]

I don't think many teenagers actually have sex. When I was in high school, i was convinced everyone was having sex. People talked about it like they did it all the time. School surveys in our school newspaper said that like 2/3 of students had had sex across the entire school. The reason I know this couldn't be true is that another student observed me buying condoms and within a few days a rumor was going around that my girlfriend was pregnant. The whole school was in gossip mode as to whether we were really having sex or not. I suddenly realized that if even a sizable minority of students were having sex, this kind of gossip would have happened before. The fact that merely purchasing a condom as solid evidence of sex erupted like this suggests to me that more like 10% of students were actually having sex.

Notwithstanding the thread on here that brought all the "I had 50 partners before college" women out of the woodwork recently.

[Anonymous]

In addition to sensible advice in this thread, I’d get her an I u d. Better safe than sorry.

Kids don’t always use condoms and some 13/14 yos do have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Normal activity. But I would have VERY open and honest talks with her about oral sex, sex, peer pressure, inappropriate pictures, social media sharing of pictures, etc.

Be prepared to start birth control by 16, and have condoms in the house available for taking. Again, it may be completely unnecessary, but you cannot be too safe. At very least she can give condoms to friends if they need them.

No. Many parents will understand that she and you are enabling such behavior among minors. Please don't.

No, you are not living in the real world. Sixteen year olds while they are minors they can buy condoms. It's not against the law. If a teen is going to have sex they have already decided before getting condoms.

What the law says and what parents feel about it is very different, PP. I live in Bethesda, in a rather international community, where families come from different parts of the world with their own cultural values. Please don't make the mistake of thinking all families are fine with such behaviors. I would not be happy if another teen handed condoms to my teens, particularly not if said teen shared that his parents encouraged him or her to do this. I would think you were extremely rude. My teens look to me for guidance and are aware of our family values. I talk to them about STDs and pregnancies and why protection is important. But from there to handing condoms to someone else, there is a wide gap, and it's shocking you can't see it.

DP: Then you shouldn't have a problem because your children will either not be offered a condom because they are not planning on having sex, or they will respectfully decline the offered condom because their parents told them condoms are for bad people.