How can I convince my husband it's ok to gift away gifts we received that we don't use?

[Anonymous]

If I gave you a gift and you really did not have any use for it or didn’t like it, I would much, much, much prefer if you donated it so it could find a good home! I will feel happy that I made the gesture of giving but that the thing isn’t collecting dust or sitting in a landfill somewhere. Donate!

[Anonymous]

I do all the work of gathering the stuff, in the living room near the front door. Then I tell him he has one day to say no to something and he has to put it back. This works for me because the laziness overrides the hoarding tendency.

I stopped just getting rid of stuff without asking after I almost got rid of something he actually valued ( in my defense he store it in a garbage bag).

[Anonymous]

Put it all in a box in your attic or garage, put the date on it, if you or he don’t use the items in there by the same date next year then donate them.

[Anonymous]

He needs to think about the gift giver. If the gift giver knew that he was stressed, hated the item, never used it, taking up space, etc. would they want him to keep it anyway? No! They wanted him to be happy and that's why they gave something (that, or social norms or whatever). If it don't bring you joy, chuck it.

[Anonymous]

First world problems. Just give the crap away. He'll never notice if you rarely use it anyway.

[Anonymous]

My dad is like this. Going to the dump is a major emotional undertaking for him, and involves multiple tantrums. And it’s trash, like old used carpet and such.

Usable things my mom donates or gets rid of slowly.

[Anonymous]

While I am usually against regifting in general (I do not feel that it is worth hurt feelings if the person who gave the gift found out), however I can see your point here.

Since the gifts have not been used - I would recommend you donate them to a second-hand store.
How to get your husband on board??

One item at a time.
Choose an item & state how you two never use it & how someone else may really appreciate it.
Focus on this one particular item until you get your husband to agree w/you.

Then generously donate it.
Wait a bit, then start on the next item.
It will be a pain but likely the only way to get rid of all you do not need.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First contact all people who give you things and let them know about the problem, tell them you
have absolutely NO space to keep new things and he will not let go of old stuff so you are pretty
much overflowing. People will understand.

Second, as others said, try to negotiate taking things into boxes and to the storage they go.
At least you will free up the home space.

Third, start him to dust all the things as they collect dust they look ugly and you
no longer wish doing this as you see no point. Chances are he will not be up to
the task. Otherwise you can have him getting started after few accidents as
you dust them and they ooopsis break? So he will be upset so you say,
hey, you think you can do better job? Then you take over dusting that stuff.

Take him to few open homes and show him that keeping things is thing of
the past and people do not live like that anymore. Then take him to
a big thrift shop and show where all things he consider precious end up
and belong.

^^Do NOT contact all your friends and tell them about this issue.

[Anonymous]

Just start taking things out and donating them without telling him. He will probably not notice. Or you can start a bag of things to donate and every time he gets something he wants to keep he puts something to donate in the bag. Once the bag is full, take it to Goodwill.

[Anonymous]

Buy Nothing has really helped me with this issue. Knowing that someone else wants/can use my unwanted gifts has helped me get rid of them. It’s slow-going but more progress than I was making before (which was none).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First contact all people who give you things and let them know about the problem, tell them you
have absolutely NO space to keep new things and he will not let go of old stuff so you are pretty
much overflowing. People will understand.

Second, as others said, try to negotiate taking things into boxes and to the storage they go.
At least you will free up the home space.

Third, start him to dust all the things as they collect dust they look ugly and you
no longer wish doing this as you see no point. Chances are he will not be up to
the task. Otherwise you can have him getting started after few accidents as
you dust them and they ooopsis break? So he will be upset so you say,
hey, you think you can do better job? Then you take over dusting that stuff.

Take him to few open homes and show him that keeping things is thing of
the past and people do not live like that anymore. Then take him to
a big thrift shop and show where all things he consider precious end up
and belong.

OP here. No, they won't understand, they are the same way. Also, these are not things we have out, they're in closets or cabinets.

I should be clear that when I called him a mini-hoarder, I don't mean like we have piles of things everywhere and he refuses to throw away or donate anything. It's really just this gift thing.

OP is right. They won’t understand. I have asked -practically begged- my mother and her sister to stop giving me gifts, but the onslaught of useless stuff continues and continues to cause me stress as I struggle to get rid of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Focus on giving it to someone in need. My DH has a very slight tendency to do this, and he is fine if it goes to “someone” and not if it is just being “thrown away”.

This is me. It’s my value system that useable stuff doesn’t get thrown away just to sit in a landfill for the next hundred years. But it’s also my value system that stuff should be used, not sit in a closet if I’ll never use it. It takes more effort, but develop a list of good ways to give away or sell - freecycle, craigslist, various charities like suited for change, wider circle, etc.

I feel it’s lazy of my family members to say they’ll throw away perfectly useful stuff without trying to sell or give away first. It makes me irritated and I say NO. Come to me with a plan - “I called the Bright Beginnings daycare for the homeless/low income and they could really use those old toddler musical instruments”, and I’ll say yes. Offer to drop them there yourself and you’ve got a deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just donate the stuff one or two items at a time. Honestly—will he notice? Does he take inventory of cabinets that don’t get used regularly?

This

Just do it

Agree. Make it a plan to get rid of 2 things a week.

[Anonymous]

I'm with the "just start donating a few every week" crowd and don't feel guilty about it.

One time we received a gift from my brother and sister-in-law for Christmas that we recognized was one of the gifts they received for their wedding a few months earlier. A decorative glass bowl that I would never use. We donated it.

Another time my son received a gift from a friend for his birthday that was still labelled "To Larlo, Love grandma". (My son is not named Larlo).

I think giving away these things to people is ok but "re-gifting" it to someone for an occasion, instead of getting a personalized gift, is kind of tacky.

Just saying.