How can I convince my husband it's ok to gift away gifts we received that we don't use?

[Anonymous]

Help me out, DCUM. My husband is a mini-hoarder. We have a ton of items we've received as gifts and my husband feels that if someone gives you a gift, you have to keep it. Even if it's something we've never used and never will use. Please arm me with some ammunition so that I can try to convince him otherwise. We're in a small house, we're overflowing, we could use the cabinet space that is currently used to store random teapots/serving trays/kitchen gadgets that we don't use or need. What can I say that will convince him it's OK to let things go, and that the people who gave us these items don't remember what they gave us 6 years ago, and aren't going to come over and notice we don't have them!

[Anonymous]

Oops, just noticed the typo in my subject line. GIVE away gifts....

[Anonymous]

Good luck. I'm in a similar situation. Bottom line is that your DH does have hoarder tendencies, since he's attached emotional importance to things that he doesn't use and doesn't even see.

My DH is the same way. If I were to ask him to discard something he will come up with excuses and reasons not to.

So far the major impact is in his office which doesn't affect me directly. But it is annoying to go in there and see he still has crap he says he knows he'll never use, but won't get rid of it.

It is a frustrating way to live.

[Anonymous]

Hoarding is a very challenging mental disorder to treat, and usually has its roots in executive functioning disorders (ADHD) and anxiety. Medication for ADHD and/or anxiety as well as therapy is the treatment.

If your husband has a mild case, you can tell him you’re selling them. Bring them to a consignment store. It will be something for something.

[Anonymous]

It has to be a gradual process - don’t give them away, just store them in boxes in garage/attic wherever. You can always say it’s party of a short term decluttering project. Then never ring them back. In a year or so Mention a friend that really needs one of the objects and doesn’t have the money to buy it. Ask your husband if you could give it as a gift because it would really help them out and see what happens

[Anonymous]

You need to teach him the pleasure of giving things to other. It is how we’re addressing my mom’s hoarding. She is giving away her treasures at a good clip. I also ask her if I can “shop” for holiday gifts in her home.

[Anonymous]

Just donate the stuff one or two items at a time. Honestly—will he notice? Does he take inventory of cabinets that don’t get used regularly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has to be a gradual process - don’t give them away, just store them in boxes in garage/attic wherever. You can always say it’s party of a short term decluttering project. Then never ring them back. In a year or so Mention a friend that really needs one of the objects and doesn’t have the money to buy it. Ask your husband if you could give it as a gift because it would really help them out and see what happens

I have to admit that I have hoarder tendencies. I try to focus on helping others. I donate stuff knowing that someone who needs it will get it for free (http://www.koinoniacares.org/) or it will go to the Salvation Army where someone who needs it will get it cheaply and the money will help the SA which will, in turn, allow them to help others who need it. It makes it a lot easier for me to let things go.

[Anonymous]

Focus on giving it to someone in need. My DH has a very slight tendency to do this, and he is fine if it goes to “someone” and not if it is just being “thrown away”.

[Anonymous]

First contact all people who give you things and let them know about the problem, tell them you
have absolutely NO space to keep new things and he will not let go of old stuff so you are pretty
much overflowing. People will understand.

Second, as others said, try to negotiate taking things into boxes and to the storage they go.
At least you will free up the home space.

Third, start him to dust all the things as they collect dust they look ugly and you
no longer wish doing this as you see no point. Chances are he will not be up to
the task. Otherwise you can have him getting started after few accidents as
you dust them and they ooopsis break? So he will be upset so you say,
hey, you think you can do better job? Then you take over dusting that stuff.

Take him to few open homes and show him that keeping things is thing of
the past and people do not live like that anymore. Then take him to
a big thrift shop and show where all things he consider precious end up
and belong.

[Anonymous]

You can also include those items in some sort of negotiations /exchange.
There is always some area in the marriage that requires some sacrifices
on each side. Play it right and you can get rid of some of those things
as a trading chip. Just plan wisely and play them against something
big. If he has his way with everything then this is bad.
You should have a say too.
Example..
If you have 10 year old sofa or chair that he likes and you don't care
about either way, you say, okay the sofa is old, we need a new sofa.

He goes.. what's wrong with this one, I love it, it stays.

You go.. okay then let's negotiate..

If you want to keep this sofa, I can settle for removing half
of the gift junk.

He goes.. no, sofa stay, junk stay.

You go: well, that is not an equal marriage. If it is to work
then we both need to compromise and meet each other half way..

I will give you too keep sofa.. you need to give me something..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First contact all people who give you things and let them know about the problem, tell them you
have absolutely NO space to keep new things and he will not let go of old stuff so you are pretty
much overflowing. People will understand.

Second, as others said, try to negotiate taking things into boxes and to the storage they go.
At least you will free up the home space.

Third, start him to dust all the things as they collect dust they look ugly and you
no longer wish doing this as you see no point. Chances are he will not be up to
the task. Otherwise you can have him getting started after few accidents as
you dust them and they ooopsis break? So he will be upset so you say,
hey, you think you can do better job? Then you take over dusting that stuff.

Take him to few open homes and show him that keeping things is thing of
the past and people do not live like that anymore. Then take him to
a big thrift shop and show where all things he consider precious end up
and belong.

OP here. No, they won't understand, they are the same way. Also, these are not things we have out, they're in closets or cabinets.

I should be clear that when I called him a mini-hoarder, I don't mean like we have piles of things everywhere and he refuses to throw away or donate anything. It's really just this gift thing.

[Anonymous]

Put them to good use. Contact Habitat for Humanity and they will use make great use of those kinds of gifts.

[Anonymous]

Would he actually notice if you just donated a few items every so often?

I don’t think I could name half the things in our storage closets. Stop asking. If you haven’t unpacked the panini maker in 3 years, you never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just donate the stuff one or two items at a time. Honestly—will he notice? Does he take inventory of cabinets that don’t get used regularly?

This

Just do it