Small Boys Advice

[Anonymous]

Struggling with this with my ex-preemie 14 year old son. He will be 5'5 MAX, maybe less. Right now he doesn't realize anything, because he's immature, has a baby face and everyone is very nice to him in high school. He doesn't date, or go out at all. Bookish sort.

We have tried to get him growth hormone shots, but he has a complex medical history and it's not possible.

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing this with my son, who is 7. He is the shortest kid on his soccer team, and even though he is athletic, he kept getting injured during games because the other kids are all bigger. His response was to become more careful, rather than go all in, which is smart, but obviously it made him a worse player.

I don't have much advice for you, except that don't overthink things too much before they happen. You never know when your kid will grow and how tall. My friend who is 5'6" was told in sixth grade she'd never grow past 4'9", but then had a growth spurt way later than most kids.

Also, in general, parents should not focus on one area of their kids development. Encourage them in sports, but make sure there are other areas in which they can also excel, so that all their eggs aren't in one basket.

[Anonymous]

My partner is a man on the smaller side. He's the very best person I've ever met, and I cannot believe how lucky I am that he chose me. Anyone who looked the other way because of his stature did themselves a disservice.

[Anonymous]

How about tennis? Conventional wisdom is that taller is better but only to a point and then it's a detriment. Short and fast would beat tall and slow if skills and power are equal. My best friend in high school was 5'5" and he made All States twice. Plus it's a fun sport!

[Anonymous]

Middle school is tough since girls are growing before boys, even tall boys are catching up after 7th grade only

[Anonymous]

My son has always been the shortest boy in his class. By 5th grade, he was the shortest kid in the class once the girls hit their growth spurt. Nobody teased him. He went to a new middle school and he wasn't teased there because I sent him to a small Catholic school where bullying wasn't tolerated. I heard negative things about our public middle school. Now he is in all boys' school for high school and so far, he said nobody has teased him. Occasionally he will get a comment of two but he doesn't react to them. He is now my height (5ft 3in) and is predicted to (maybe) be 5ft 8in. He was never into team sports but did fencing for years so height never really mattered much. He was also the coxswain on his rowing team. That's where being short was an asset!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about tennis? Conventional wisdom is that taller is better but only to a point and then it's a detriment. Short and fast would beat tall and slow if skills and power are equal. My best friend in high school was 5'5" and he made All States twice. Plus it's a fun sport!

I think this is old convention wisdom but perfectly fine at the HS/middle school level. Because it isn't a contact sport, you don't have to worry about getting hit by taller/bigger guys. You can win just as many matches by finesse -- like placing serves in the right corners etc. and even better if you're the short, speedy serve and volley type bc you can cover the court fast. But overall the trend is towards taller bc they are power servers -- Federer etc. are all 6 ft+ and Isner is like 6-10. But if you're not looking to get recruited for college, it doesn't matter.

I think people are making too big of a deal re sports -- aside from football and basketball where size is an obvious advantage, a short boy can excel at anything. I mean I personally would steer clear of lacrosse, soccer, and hockey too bc you will be colliding with much bigger people. But golf, tennis, track, baseball, swimming are all on the table. One of my best friends from college stands at an adult height of 5 ft 4 in -- yet he was a 2x state champ in wrestling in NJ, went to a D1 college and wrestled there etc. Plus as much as people can't say BOY without saying SPORTS -- let's be real for most men, their sporting careers are super short -- over by high school for 99.5% of them and over by college for 99.9% of them. After that it's all fantasy football etc. They have to consider their professional life and I can't really think of too many professions closed to a man because he's short. I mean when I needed a cardiologist, I didn't not go to the chair of cardiology bc [gasp] he's only 5'5.

It's all about the confidence (or not) that the boy portrays and when they are young they get their cues from parents -- if you're constantly lamenting that they are small, may not end up being a tall guy, saying in their earshot that women like tall guys or short guys don't have an executive presence or whatever, or telling them they can't do this or that -- then yeah they'll get a complex. If you allow them to try out whatever they want and dont act like they won't succeed, they'll be fine -- if they succeed great, if not they themselves will pick a different sport next semester.

[Anonymous]

On sports, being short/small is definitely not an impediment for younger boys. Many of the "best" athletes in early elementary years seem to be very little, very fast boys. That changes radically over time. Then again, starting in MS, there are more boys who don't play competitive sports and there's less insanity around the rec or intramural options.

My kids are ginormous but I dated a wonderful guy for many years who was about 5'5". He used to shrug off any jokes or cracks about his height. As he pointed out it was something he'd lived with his whole life and he didn't really have any other perspective, so he didn't feel badly about it and didn't care what others thought.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to say my husband is max 5'6, about the same height as me though I probably have a tad on him and it doesn't seem to have bothered him or affected him much. I think it probably limited his dating pool a little more, but he didn't seem to notice and I think he ended up doing pretty well! I totally understand your worry (I have the same for my son but way too early to tell and there is some height in my family so he may not be short), but I think what others said to try your best to really put it out of your head because otherwise it will come out in subtle ways and he will pick up on your anxiety about it. I'm sure middle and high school can be hard for some, but not all, and in adulthood I think it starts to matter less and less.

[Anonymous]

Well, my brother-in-law joked about my sister being an Amazon. And he appreciated every time she put on her heels, because three inches put his eyes right at chest height...