Birthday Party etiquette

[Anonymous]

I think if you're going to be expected to pay your own way, it's not a party, it's a bunch of people getting together and going out for dinner. Calling this type of event a party is misleading. The host either should have specified that on the E-vite or simply called/e-mailed people to invite them rather than sending out an E-vite. A lot of people see an E-vite as an invitation, not as an organizational tool, so it's reasonable to expect that your meal is included at a "party" unless there's something saying "Cash bar" or "25$ per person." If the invite was like "Hey, let's get together for happy hour and treat Suzy Q for her birthday," then I'd know I was paying my own way.

When in doubt, I'd check with the "host" before committing.

[Anonymous]

We recently had a similar experienc, involving a super-pricey restaurant, complete with private room and pre-selected menu. I was shocked to be handed a bill of a couple hundred dollars at the end of the evening. I agree that it's a totally different ball game if it is a group of friends jointly taking someone out, but in that case presumably all or most of the friends were involved with the planning. If the party is orchestrated by the birthday girl/guy/spouse, they are playing host and as far as I'm concerned the host should not ask you to pay, no matter how you were invited (evite or not.) If they want to throw their own party and can't afford the five-star bistro, just have it at home or at a reasonable place ... and always tell guests that there's a cover fee so they can choose to stay home if they prefer!