Did I offend this teacher?

[Anonymous]

Have you ever thought that maybe she is going through something? Maybe she had an awesome class that year with your oldest and teaching that class was a breeze. Perhaps the kids now are all bad asses. Maybe she has a sick spouse at home? Maybe she is pregnant and moody? Maybe the principal is on her ass about something? I’m nice to my parents but once your gone, it’s like on to the next...

[Anonymous]

OP she has between 20-30 kids to remember in her class and then 40-60 parents to remember who are attached to them.

One class goes - another arrives. She literally does not have the space in her head for you.

Nothing you said or did was bad. Do not write to her telling her she is "cold" but you know this, and you know that poster who suggested it is a shit stirring twonk.

[Anonymous]

I love when parents take the time to send me kind notes, I have saved mine over the years and read them when I have difficulty with a principal or co-worker. You did not cross the line.

If she was a younger teacher it could be that she felt she needed to act more professionally or was uncomfortable or socially awkward it could be so many things. Don't second guess your good intention.

[Anonymous]

Her actions have nothing to do with the note. Whether or not they have to do with you and something you said or did or if they have no connection to you at all isn't something we can know.

You don't need to be friends with your kids teachers. Who cares if she is cold to you. As long as she is good with your child and does her job well, your feelings about her or hers about you are irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher and I am friends with some parents. as well as friends with some of my child's teachers.

A social challenge is that when you have a new class, parents from the last class who feel comfortable with you sometimes want to relive the past good times when you are kind of supposed to be building a bond with the new class, like at a school fair or evening event. It is easy to get flooded.

Some teachers seem like extroverts, and are great in the classroom, but feel awkward around 100 adults. It is hard to know what people are going to ask you in a somewhat social setting. Sometimes they ask about discipline, a test grade, or want clarification on a school policy. I experience this at sporting events, especially. You have to be on your toes, because people want to get chummy and get the dirt on something silly, like carpool. I have literally gotten in trouble because of parents being too familar with me, when it was not my fault (a mom texted me about an exam, because she found my # through my kid's roster). I see some social situations with parents as having to be "on" and it is a little draining.

I have also heard parents say they volunteer BECAUSE they want to perks that go with being closer to the teacher or "in the loop".

I don't think the note did it, I just think you need to give this person a little bit of space and assume it is NOT about you. Even if you goofed a tiny bit (maybe said something to someone about the class that was repeated to someone that THEY spun in a negative way) just let it go.

It is great that you volunteer and great that you are a supportive parent. I bet your note was much appreciated. As a teacher, I have a lot of nice parents like you and am grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you have another kid in her class, I'd ask.

"Joan, I've noticed you have been very cold to me since Scooter started in your class. If I have done something to hurt your feelings, I hope you'll let me know. We worked together as a team so well when you had Lulu in your class and I'd love to continue that relationship. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Ugh don't do this.

She may not recognize you or remember, OP. Or she's just weird. It happens. I have colleagues like this. They run hot and cold.

[Anonymous]

I had a very similar experience... my child’s teacher this year is wonderful, always talked to me, I would email him for a reason and add thanks, once I have just sent a thank you email because I was touched how my child grew in his class, and after that he started being... not cold exactly, but just a brief hi and that is it.
I feel like maybe some people are wary of those deep parental gratitude feelings I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When DD was in 1st, we were new to the district and DD was so reluctant to go to school. We were so thankful for her teacher, who DD completely adored. I volunteered in the class once a week, and the teacher was very pleasant. Of course while there I was able to observe, and she was just so wonderful with the kids, it made sense why they all loved her! So at the end of the year, I slipped in a handwritten little note with the end of year gift, basically thanking her for allowing me to volunteer, explaining how comfortable she made DD and how thankful we were for that and for her, how DD was genuinely sad to be leaving 1st grade and Mrs. S, etc. After that, anytime I saw her at school events the following year, she ignored me or was cold. This year DS is in her class, and she’s very cold to me, I don’t know how to explain it. Did I offend her or creep her out with the letter? I’m so embarrassed!.

OMG! This same thing is happening to me now. My DD was in her K class and we adored her and sent in gifts for all the holidays. Now my second DD is in her class and she was very rude to me which threw me for a looop because we thought nicely of her and gave her gifts. I automatically assumed she felt the same or appreciated the sentiment. I think I have figured that it has to do with ether stress, jealousy or lack of power that she treats me this way this year. Either way, I've stopped engaging and caring as long as my daughter is happy, I'm good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had similar experience with first part of your story, great teacher in 1st grade, volunteered etc.
But when I told her how much i appreciated being able to volunteer etc we became more friendly, now we are fb friends.
So I dont think what happened to you is normal and I dont think what you did is wrong.
I would try and find out what is going on if you have another kid in the class.

Unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

OP she has between 20-30 kids to remember in her class and then 40-60 parents to remember who are attached to them.

One class goes - another arrives. She literally does not have the space in her head for you.

Nothing you said or did was bad. Do not write to her telling her she is "cold" but you know this, and you know that poster who suggested it is a shit stirring twonk.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had similar experience with first part of your story, great teacher in 1st grade, volunteered etc.
But when I told her how much i appreciated being able to volunteer etc we became more friendly, now we are fb friends.
So I dont think what happened to you is normal and I dont think what you did is wrong.
I would try and find out what is going on if you have another kid in the class.

Unprofessional.

True. ^

Is there something that appeared on your facebook page, either written by you or someone else?

[Anonymous]

She might not like your second child. Is your daughter calm and he rambunctious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since you have another kid in her class, I'd ask.

"Joan, I've noticed you have been very cold to me since Scooter started in your class. If I have done something to hurt your feelings, I hope you'll let me know. We worked together as a team so well when you had Lulu in your class and I'd love to continue that relationship. Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?"

Ugh don't do this.

She may not recognize you or remember, OP. Or she's just weird. It happens. I have colleagues like this. They run hot and cold.

Look, I don’t expect my kids’ former teachers to act like we’re friends, but is it really plausible that a teacher who had a parent volunteer in her classroom on a weekly basis just 2 years ago doesn’t recognize that parent? That’s absurd.

OP, the most likely explanations are:

1) This is in your head and she’s not really being cold
2) Something is going on in teacher’s life that has made her stressed or preoccupied
3) She does not feel the same about your son as she did about your daughter