Want another baby but husband has a drinking problem

[Anonymous]

Get out. Find a good therapist to figure out why you continued to have unprotected sex with someone you knew had a drinking problem. You’re not a victim here. Your kids are. Do the work you need to do to get yourself healthy. Your kids need at least one healthy parent.

[Anonymous]

Had a friend that did this. It ended up being a disaster. They are divorced now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get out. Find a good therapist to figure out why you continued to have unprotected sex with someone you knew had a drinking problem. You’re not a victim here. Your kids are. Do the work you need to do to get yourself healthy. Your kids need at least one healthy parent.

This

[Anonymous]

Look, OP. If your husband is an alcoholic, having another baby OR splitting up will harm your existing children -- moreso if you have another baby AND split up AND/OR your husband stays an alcoholic. Your main duty is to your kids. So put this "want" aside and focus on the "need" -- you need to figure out how to get your husband help and be there for the kids you do have. If you have 2+ already, suck it up and call it quits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, OP. If your husband is an alcoholic, having another baby OR splitting up will harm your existing children -- moreso if you have another baby AND split up AND/OR your husband stays an alcoholic. Your main duty is to your kids. So put this "want" aside and focus on the "need" -- you need to figure out how to get your husband help and be there for the kids you do have. If you have 2+ already, suck it up and call it quits.

OP here. Thanks for your words. I know this. And agree. Just hurts.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you already have 2, 3, or maybe even 4 children? How is that not enough? Forget the pining for another baby, and focus on figuring out how to get you and your existing children into a better situation.

[Anonymous]

Why do you seem to care more about some imaginary unborn baby than getting help for the life partner you took vows to?

[Anonymous]

Alcoholism has a strong genetic component.

[Anonymous]

Kids seem to be your diversion from the problems at hand (alcoholic parent). Please get yourself some therapy. You children will be damaged from the dynamic in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you seem to care more about some imaginary unborn baby than getting help for the life partner you took vows to?

You sound like someone who has never been in a relationship with someone who has an addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you seem to care more about some imaginary unborn baby than getting help for the life partner you took vows to?

You sound like someone who has never been in a relationship with someone who has an addiction.

Generally the alcoholic has to want to get help. It is not on the spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not need another child in this situation, as there is a reasonable likelihood his drinking will worsen and lead to job loss and/or divorce. Regarding your husband, you need to force the issue and bring the bottom up to him, rather then waiting for him to hit it on his own.

Can you please elaborate? I always hear that he needs to realize the problem on his own, that I can’t change it. Furthermore, whenever I’ve tried to control the drinking he just gets angry at me. I’m assuming if I give him an ultimatum, he will either agree to split or stop drinking for a certain amount of time and hate me for it.

Not PP but for elaboration get yourself to Alanon and buy some of the Alanon books.