Covering for a not-so-nice grandparent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that you are hurt by your mom because you have certain expectations of a mom and so you imagine that your daughter will be as hurt by her as you are and therefore need to cover to protect DD. But your DD already has a great mom and won’t experience your mom’s failures with the same disappointment that you do. Don’t pretend that your mom is this wonderfully loving person in her life so she can discover later that she’s not. Instead treat her more as a distant relative (shouldn’t be hard at 2 visits a year).

+1

[Anonymous]

I cover for mom. She can't deal with the fact one our kids has autism, she gossips, is a snob and now with age verbal tantrums have entered. I cover for her and blame age too, but we see less of her. I can only take so much of her narrow-minded fox news loving nuttiness.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thank you all for your thoughtful replies. To PP above, I’m sorry that your mom has been unkind, especially in the context of a child with autism. My mom has actually made cruel comments about my nephew’s autism so I have a tiny bit of understanding for your situation.

Today my mom has tried to spoil Santa for DD. God knows why. She’s basically gone through all the handmade toys in the house, like a dollhouse, that she knows were from Santa in past years and done this horrible wink-wink “do you think Mrs. Claus got that paint from your mom” stuff, or asked me how hard it was for me to hang dollhouse wallpaper right in front of DD. I said “how would I know? I didn’t do it”, but I should have slapped her.

I’m taking my mom to the airport (as scheduled, I wish this was some kind of dramatic gesture on my part) and then I’m done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thank you all for your thoughtful replies. To PP above, I’m sorry that your mom has been unkind, especially in the context of a child with autism. My mom has actually made cruel comments about my nephew’s autism so I have a tiny bit of understanding for your situation.

Today my mom has tried to spoil Santa for DD. God knows why. She’s basically gone through all the handmade toys in the house, like a dollhouse, that she knows were from Santa in past years and done this horrible wink-wink “do you think Mrs. Claus got that paint from your mom” stuff, or asked me how hard it was for me to hang dollhouse wallpaper right in front of DD. I said “how would I know? I didn’t do it”, but I should have slapped her.

I’m taking my mom to the airport (as scheduled, I wish this was some kind of dramatic gesture on my part) and then I’m done.

Why on earth do you subject your innocent child and DH to your selfish and cruel mother? She will never be the mother, MIL or grandmother you want her to be. Cut her off.