How to talk to DH about his weight gain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this thread a test because of the other thread with the chunky DW?

Duh... Of course it is

But most of the men here didn’t take the bait. For what it is worth, I agree — men and women aren’t the same. There’s no need or excuse for a man to be obese. (Barring some real health issue.) Pump iron and eat low carb. Done. He owes it to himself to stay strong and laying that out directly is doing him a great favor.

It’s not as easy for women and it’s a much harder conversation to have, IMO.

Do we like this reasoning to also explain why men have more leadership positions? Have more STEM jobs? Are not as inclined to child rearing instead of productive endeavors outside of the home?

[Anonymous]

We are talking about weight, which is mostly physiology. When men gain weight, they gain both fat and muscle, while women gain almost exclusively fat. Men also have MORE muscle than women, which gives them a higher metabolism than women.

BUT, my advice to anyone who’s got a fat family member is to not say anything, support them in the areas where they’re trying to make changes, set a good example, and to continue to let them know they are loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this thread a test because of the other thread with the chunky DW?

Duh... Of course it is

But most of the men here didn’t take the bait. For what it is worth, I agree — men and women aren’t the same. There’s no need or excuse for a man to be obese. (Barring some real health issue.) Pump iron and eat low carb. Done. He owes it to himself to stay strong and laying that out directly is doing him a great favor.

It’s not as easy for women and it’s a much harder conversation to have, IMO.

Do we like this reasoning to also explain why men have more leadership positions? Have more STEM jobs? Are not as inclined to child rearing instead of productive endeavors outside of the home?

There’s definitely a clear link.

From an early age in childhood I consumed media that said what made a woman valuable was her looks/thinness and what made a man valuable was his professional success and money.

Today a woman will be hurt if you call her ugly and fat but a man is more likely to laugh it off. But if you call a man unambitious and unsuccessful, he’ll probably get more upset than a woman, who knows that her ambition isn’t has highly valued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys don’t react as sensitively as women. Just tell him he is FAT and needs to lose wt.

They aren't as sensitive about weight as women. The equivalent for men would be erectile dysfunction, at least before there were magic pills.

[Anonymous]

Fat women are so triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fat women are so triggered.

Women: dump you for calling them fat
Men: murder you for dumping them

Emotional, sensitive women!

[Anonymous]

Have you ever tried to talk about ED with a DH? Jesus Christ, what babies.

[Anonymous]

Suggest/load porn with really fit guys tell him how turned on that particular video is making you.

[Anonymous]

Well, I am 5'4" and your weight so you are not that skinny! As for me, I just tell my dh, "dude you got fat!"

[Anonymous]

"I can't see your ......" Pretty sure that will do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I can't see your ......" Pretty sure that will do it.

If you could get it up, maybe I could see it. Why don't you ask your doctor what's wrong with you?
But nooooooo ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I can't see your ......" Pretty sure that will do it.

If you could get it up, maybe I could see it. Why don't you ask your doctor what's wrong with you?
But nooooooo ...

Yep! Men will lose weight for sex, there is nothing men won't do for sex! We live in a sexist society, wish it was not so.... and I love sex. So, my dh stays skinny!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I can't see your ......" Pretty sure that will do it.

If you could get it up, maybe I could see it. Why don't you ask your doctor what's wrong with you?
But nooooooo ...

Yep! Men will lose weight for sex, there is nothing men won't do for sex! We live in a sexist society, wish it was not so.... and I love sex. So, my dh stays skinny!

Ah. But my point is that they get weirdly defensive and emotional -- and will clam up -- if talking about erectile dysfunction. It happens to men who are not fat, too, you know.

There is a resistance to bringing it up to the doctor, to talking about how it affects the wife, all of it. I'm a doctor. I have literally NEVER had a man make an appointment to talk specifically about erectile dysfunction. They MIGHT bring it up as a "hand on the door question:" as you are halfway out the door, they say, "uh, doc, since I'm here and all …" after you already spent 20 minutes talking about some other inane complaint that didn't make sense. Then you find out it's been a problem for years.

If you were to poll wives of men with erectile dysfunction, how many do you think would say the guy was open to hearing about this problem he needed to deal with? That's regardless of his weight.

But women deal with inability to get wet or orgasm all the time. For them, weight is the emotionally-laden topic. This is supposed to be an a-ha comparison thread, right? For men, the apples to apples comparison isn't their having a weight problem, it's the fact that their dick doesn't work like it used to.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you follow through with what you say. Wife told me are sex life sucked because of my weight, (I was 5'9 200). Over the last three years I have cut down to 5'9 150 and muscular. Now she says she is to self conscious around me and we have less sex than when I was fat.

[Anonymous]

This thread does not ring true to me at all. Husband is very sensitive to comments about his fluctuating weight. It’s not like he is oblivious to having gained weight since life got busier with kids, work and stress.