How to talk to DH about his weight gain?

[Anonymous]

These threads make women look awful. We want equality in leadership but we are delicate sensitive flowers who can't ever be told anything directly or have our spouses say anything that isn't glowing and positive? We can't handle any form of constructive criticism and need to always be lavished with praise and avoid any difficult conversations?

I am a woman and I have no problem with being spoken to directly about things that are of concern to my husband. I don't melt, I am just as capable as a man of handling difficult information and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Both men and women run a range of being sensitive or emotional or not. There is no all mean re like x and wall women are like y. I have always been a woman who thinks more like a traditional man and no that doesn't make me trans - I am still a woman. Don't lump us all into this delicate, not as strong as men category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever tried to talk about ED with a DH? Jesus Christ, what babies.

I didn't have the same experience. S/O and I both noticed his increasing difficulties and lack of hardness ... Yes, he blamed it on aging, maybe his BP pills a bit. But we got over that and he went to the doctor and got some pills and we are both happy with the outcome.

I have found him to be really open about body changes as we both get older. Sure it's a little embarrassing sometimes. But with sensitivity on both of our parts it had been ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most guys don’t react as sensitively as women. Just tell him he is FAT and needs to lose wt.

+ 1. Men are not like women. Be direct. Use simple words. Don't beat around the bush or use suggestions.

THis applies to everything about men, BTW.

To circle back around, how does the average man respond to frank discussion about having erectile problems?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads make women look awful. We want equality in leadership but we are delicate sensitive flowers who can't ever be told anything directly or have our spouses say anything that isn't glowing and positive? We can't handle any form of constructive criticism and need to always be lavished with praise and avoid any difficult conversations?

I am a woman and I have no problem with being spoken to directly about things that are of concern to my husband. I don't melt, I am just as capable as a man of handling difficult information and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Both men and women run a range of being sensitive or emotional or not. There is no all mean re like x and wall women are like y. I have always been a woman who thinks more like a traditional man and no that doesn't make me trans - I am still a woman. Don't lump us all into this delicate, not as strong as men category.

Yep, pretty much.OP sounds like a bit of a jabrone anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads make women look awful. We want equality in leadership but we are delicate sensitive flowers who can't ever be told anything directly or have our spouses say anything that isn't glowing and positive? We can't handle any form of constructive criticism and need to always be lavished with praise and avoid any difficult conversations?

I am a woman and I have no problem with being spoken to directly about things that are of concern to my husband. I don't melt, I am just as capable as a man of handling difficult information and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Both men and women run a range of being sensitive or emotional or not. There is no all mean re like x and wall women are like y. I have always been a woman who thinks more like a traditional man and no that doesn't make me trans - I am still a woman. Don't lump us all into this delicate, not as strong as men category.

Yep, pretty much.OP sounds like a bit of a jabrone anyways.

OP was trolling and admitted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads make women look awful. We want equality in leadership but we are delicate sensitive flowers who can't ever be told anything directly or have our spouses say anything that isn't glowing and positive? We can't handle any form of constructive criticism and need to always be lavished with praise and avoid any difficult conversations?

I am a woman and I have no problem with being spoken to directly about things that are of concern to my husband. I don't melt, I am just as capable as a man of handling difficult information and I don't need to be handled with kid gloves.

Both men and women run a range of being sensitive or emotional or not. There is no all mean re like x and wall women are like y. I have always been a woman who thinks more like a traditional man and no that doesn't make me trans - I am still a woman. Don't lump us all into this delicate, not as strong as men category.

I don’t think this is about constructive criticism. And I don’t think this is like difficult conversations in the workplace. My husband and I have similar jobs. He is certainly more offended and upset about negative reviews at work than I am (although he receives them much more frequently).

There are a lot of things that go into weight that are very different.
1). It’s subjective. I may think I look fine, and he think I need to lose weight.
2). It takes months and years to put on weight, so he has been lying to his wife about her looks for quite some time.
3). It takes months or years to take it off again. So there is nothing to do about it in the moment.
4). There is often a lot of childhood/early adulthood stuff surrounding weight and sex for most women. Women are judged on their attractiveness, not only by society, but often by their parents, their teachers/coaches/employers, and their friends.

For a woman to hear that she is unattractive is probably more like a man hearing that his wife isn’t attracted to him because he is a loser, and that she, his father, and his boss have been engaging in concerned conversations about what a loser he is behind his back for years.
Yes. He might know that his boss isn’t happy with him, and his father is disappointed in him, but when his wife told him that she loved and admired him, he felt better. Hearing that she secretly agrees is painful.

[Anonymous]

Was this thread started by an overweight woman in response to the other thread about talking to your wife about weight gain.

Stop being so defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this thread started by an overweight woman in response to the other thread about talking to your wife about weight gain.

Stop being so defensive.

No it was started by an MRA troll looking for evidence that women want special treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most guys don’t react as sensitively as women. Just tell him he is FAT and needs to lose wt.

EXACTLY!!!! Say, hey, fatso, yes, you there. Step on a scale. What does it say?

[Anonymous]

Men don't care if you call us fat. As a man, my friends and I poke fun at each other all them time when one of us gains weight.

I know this thread was started in response to the other "DW is Fat" thread but the 2 situations aren't even close. Men aren't that sensitive about our weight. Plus, we can lose it much easier or just build muscle.

Sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness... he is growing man boobs and a gut and it’s a serious turn off. How do I approach this with him??
FWIW- in shape 5’1” 115lb DW who also works FT.

Do nothing. You can change a fat slob.

I guess you could focus on your time and energy on building his confidence we ought to exercise, only buy healthy foods, cut portion sizes, cut out coffee/soda/juice, reduce fats and carbs and sweets/desserts.

Do that for 3 months and see what starts to happen.

Being in shape is a lifestyle, you learn it at home when you’re young or at home when you’re old and have a health scare. Many people don’t have the self will do do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men don't care if you call us fat. As a man, my friends and I poke fun at each other all them time when one of us gains weight.

I know this thread was started in response to the other "DW is Fat" thread but the 2 situations aren't even close. Men aren't that sensitive about our weight. Plus, we can lose it much easier or just build muscle.

Sorry OP.

I am a woman and I am not sensitive about my weight. It is what it is. I am fat right now. That is just how it is. My choices got me here and my choices will get me out of here but if other people state the obvious - that I am fat, it isn't a big deal.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: do you think a bunch of random strangers on the internet, who don't know you, don't know him, don't know his personality or emotional traits, don't know his eating habits, who does most of the cooking, what you all cook, his stance towards exercise, biological disposition to gaining wait, etc. can advise you on the best way to talk to your husband.

Sure there are general differences between men and women, but you must already know that. If you are really unsure how to approach him, perhaps ask a member of his a family or close friend what they think is the best way to approach him about his weight. Make sure it is a family member you can confide in.

[Anonymous]

You need to cut out sex completely starting today. Do the normal gaslighting (too tired, long day, etc) but let your eyes pass disgustedly across his gut when you do it so he understands why.

Talk admiringly of male friends who are good shape and how lucky their wives or girlfriends are to have a man that takes care of himself

If you guys are out, and you see someone fit, openly ogle him.

If things don't improve, flirt openly with better looking men in front of him. Make jokes about his appearance. Call him "fatass" or "tubby". If he complains, say that you are just joking and that you can't believe that a grown man is so sensitive. Ultimately, move on to having affairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to cut out sex completely starting today. Do the normal gaslighting (too tired, long day, etc) but let your eyes pass disgustedly across his gut when you do it so he understands why.

Talk admiringly of male friends who are good shape and how lucky their wives or girlfriends are to have a man that takes care of himself

If you guys are out, and you see someone fit, openly ogle him.

If things don't improve, flirt openly with better looking men in front of him. Make jokes about his appearance. Call him "fatass" or "tubby". If he complains, say that you are just joking and that you can't believe that a grown man is so sensitive. Ultimately, move on to having affairs.

That's what my wife did and it worked, I lost 50 pounds and I am in the best shape of my life. I actually notice women checking me out now. Also my wife won't sleep with me, it has nothing to do with weight. You either want to sleep with your husband or you don't, you don't.