Has anyone conceived through sperm donation from a known donor? Any advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Because the other parent is not legally the parent and if something happens to the biological parent, legally the other parent is a step-parent, not parent. Likewise, if there is a legal divorce or separation, legally the non-biological parent is a step-parent and may not be given equal rights. Much better to do an adoption. Its not very expensive.

We have an open option with birth mom's family. The grandparents are heavily involved and its been wonderful for all of us, especially our child. Child views it as three sets of grandparents and is very comfortable with it and a lot of those questions kids have later on never come up as its been addressed.

Do straight couples have to do a second parent adoption if they use donor sperm or egg? This sounds like discrimination to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My lesbian friends conceived twice with sperm from a longtime friend. They didn't get anyone else involved -- he went in one room, came out with the container and my friends went into their room and did the rest. Worked the first time they tried for #1, and then very soon after they started trying for #2.

They have a legal agreement with him, and he is involved in their kids lives -- they're still very young, so I don't think they know he's their "father" yet but I know they plan to explain that to them eventually.

This seems legally very tenuous. If he changes his mind and wants custody he would have a very good case even with a signed document. I’ve always heard it’s best to go through a clinic for legal reasons as well as medical

Probably true, but this guy has absolutely no interest in raising kids.

[Anonymous]

I originally wanted to use known donor sperm but the friends I would feel comfortable asking about donation where not local and I couldn’t face the waiting and tons of hoops that the clinic required so I ended up going with an open id donor (I do not know him, but my kid can reach out through the bank when they turn 18).

Nothing on your practical questions (except that yes, clinics make it much harder for known donors), but are you familiar with/members of Rainbow Families? I’ve found their infosessions and support groups really helpful in navigating a path to queer parenthood. I’m only 7 months pregnant with my first so I can’t speak from much experience but that’s what I’ve got so far. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Because the other parent is not legally the parent and if something happens to the biological parent, legally the other parent is a step-parent, not parent. Likewise, if there is a legal divorce or separation, legally the non-biological parent is a step-parent and may not be given equal rights. Much better to do an adoption. Its not very expensive.

We have an open option with birth mom's family. The grandparents are heavily involved and its been wonderful for all of us, especially our child. Child views it as three sets of grandparents and is very comfortable with it and a lot of those questions kids have later on never come up as its been addressed.

Do straight couples have to do a second parent adoption if they use donor sperm or egg? This sounds like discrimination to me.

PP here who used a known donor and did the second parent adoption. No, this isn't a thing most likely because if you willingly donate your eggs or sperm there are contracts/agreements to sign before you even start the process. There are other legal dynamics at play when using a known donor, and especially if you use a known donor and do AI on your own vs. going through a cryobank and clinic.

OP, we also know at least two other lesbian couples who did AI and didn't involve any fertility clinics. They had success. One couple has done the second parent adoption, the other hasn't. I think it's really contingent upon your specific situation and the relationship you have with your donor, as well as how you envision the donor being involved (if at all). Make sure you and your partner are on the same page with all of this before doing anything.

[Anonymous]

All those hoops. I agree medical and some personal screening but getting the clinic involved will be expensive and invasive. You don’t have an infertility problem so you will likely have success with the Turkey baster method.

[Anonymous]

Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All those hoops. I agree medical and some personal screening but getting the clinic involved will be expensive and invasive. You don’t have an infertility problem so you will likely have success with the Turkey baster method.

That's what I was thinking if you know the donor. It seems better than all the invasive procedures and possible medications. Have the donor sign over for adoption and it will be clean, cheap and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

That’s with an anon donor.

[Anonymous]

This is bit off topic but might be something to think about.
While in college, there was this guy who was known to be a major donor. This is how he and few other guys were making few bucks to make the ends meet. The rest of us were always wondering how he passed the screening and what were the standards. He had all kind of mental issues. Second though - these days and age if you think it is anonymous then you might to rethink the concept. If you at all follow media you see how people all the time "find their long lost or never knew they had" relatives through some genetic website or another.
It is possible that in few years, gene banks will be so big that anyone will be linked to the next person in no time for no apparent reason.
Chances are that your donor might have contributed generously and at one point your child might find themselves in a situation of having endless amount of siblings.

There was this funny Australian series on Netflix that made me think abut the guy mentioned above... the series is about a girl who as an adult wakes up to realizing that she has 100 siblings via sperm donation of father..

Sisters follows the story of Julia Bechly as her life is turned upside-down when her father, in vitro fertilization pioneer Julius Bechly, makes a deathbed confession that during his award-winning career as a fertility specialist he used his own sperm and could potentially be the father of hundreds of children. Julia decides to make the most of the situation and throws a family gathering where she finds out she has
hundreds of brothers, but only two sisters: troubled children’s television star Roxy Karibas and belligerent lawyer Edie Flanagan.[

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisters_(Australian_TV_series)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is bit off topic but might be something to think about.
While in college, there was this guy who was known to be a major donor. This is how he and few other guys were making few bucks to make the ends meet. The rest of us were always wondering how he passed the screening and what were the standards. He had all kind of mental issues. Second though - these days and age if you think it is anonymous then you might to rethink the concept. If you at all follow media you see how people all the time "find their long lost or never knew they had" relatives through some genetic website or another.
It is possible that in few years, gene banks will be so big that anyone will be linked to the next person in no time for no apparent reason.
Chances are that your donor might have contributed generously and at one point your child might find themselves in a situation of having endless amount of siblings.

There was this funny Australian series on Netflix that made me think abut the guy mentioned above... the series is about a girl who as an adult wakes up to realizing that she has 100 siblings via sperm donation of father..

Sisters follows the story of Julia Bechly as her life is turned upside-down when her father, in vitro fertilization pioneer Julius Bechly, makes a deathbed confession that during his award-winning career as a fertility specialist he used his own sperm and could potentially be the father of hundreds of children. Julia decides to make the most of the situation and throws a family gathering where she finds out she has
hundreds of brothers, but only two sisters: troubled children’s television star Roxy Karibas and belligerent lawyer Edie Flanagan.[

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisters_(Australian_TV_series)

This is exactly why we chose to go with a known donor and not an anonymous sperm bank. Those banks do the absolute minimum of due diligence. There are too many stories of men with serious issues having dozens of offspring. Better to go with someone you know well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

That’s with an anon donor.

How would the DC government know whether the donor was anon or not? It’s not registered anywhere. Also the known donor would have signed away all rights and custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

Yes. Having your name on the birth certificate isn't the same as being a legal parent through adoption. Any smart lawyer would advise this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

That’s with an anon donor.

How would the DC government know whether the donor was anon or not? It’s not registered anywhere. Also the known donor would have signed away all rights and custody.

In DC, the known donor does nothing at all. There is a six month waiting period after the baby is born, then you go to court. That's pretty much it. We did it twice. However, different states have different rules. We lived in Montgomery County when our second son was born - had we done the adoption through Montgomery County, our known donor would have needed to sign documents and we would have had to go through a home visit. Because DS #2 was born in DC, I was able to adopt in DC and avoid all of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

We did it because as our lawyer explained to us a birth certificate isn't a true legal document. It's more like a drivers's license. In other words it wouldn't hold up in a court if one parent took off with the kid to another country or if in a divorce court etc it wound't mean anything regarding custody.

It was expensive and definitely felt a little discriminatory but I wanted my kids to be protected.

If you're looking to do one I'd recommend Michelle Zavos. http://delaneymckinney.com/attorneys/michele-zavos/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a lesbian married couple have to do second parent adoption? I thought in DC both moms can be on the birth certificate.

We did it because as our lawyer explained to us a birth certificate isn't a true legal document. It's more like a drivers's license. In other words it wouldn't hold up in a court if one parent took off with the kid to another country or if in a divorce court etc it wound't mean anything regarding custody.

It was expensive and definitely felt a little discriminatory but I wanted my kids to be protected.

If you're looking to do one I'd recommend Michelle Zavos. http://delaneymckinney.com/attorneys/michele-zavos/

PP here - we also used Michelle Zavos. Highly recommend her and her team.