Should I take this guy back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds controlling. You sound co-dependent. Do what you want here, but I don’t see this ending particularly well for you unless your idea of a good life is being married to a rich cheating lawyer and being treated like crap. Also it is not clear he intends to marry you. If he does it’ll be because he feels he can control you and treat you badly and you will still stay.

Yes, that is why I hesitate. I know he is controlling/clingy/selfish. I'm insecure but called beautiful by many people I just don't believe it. Reason I'm insecure is because I've been bullied as a kid growing up and even now by my own brother who won't grow up. This ex who wants to come back doesn't give me the confidence I need to be with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex with her isn’t as good. He just wants more. Don’t trust him.

He wants more sex with varied partners. It doesn't mean that the sex with his main squeeze is good or bad. For some men, it doesn't matter-- they will always seek out other partners no matter what. It rarely has anything to do with the partner's sexual abilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex with her isn’t as good. He just wants more. Don’t trust him.

He wants more sex with varied partners. It doesn't mean that the sex with his main squeeze is good or bad. For some men, it doesn't matter-- they will always seek out other partners no matter what. It rarely has anything to do with the partner's sexual abilities.

OP here. I told him I could hook up with him. He said he doesn't want to hook up with me he just wants me back to try things again. He won't talk sexual to me. Reason we had phone sex is because I sent him pics to tease him. Anyway he says he hasn't had sex with her yet because they are just dating not in a relationship yet.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to get back in a relationship with all the drama?”

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem to believe you are a less valuable person because you aren’t white. This isn’t true. Don’t get back together with this ex. Work on your career until you are earning an amount that gives you independence and the life you want. Then you’ll be ready to choose a life partner. And it shouldn’t be someone who needs to be in control and who is drawn to someone who doesn’t think highly of herself. Probably your ex is threatened by the high earning, successful woman he is dating so feels more comfortable with you. Your relationship has left you feeling bad about yourself and it hasn’t helped you succeed and be your best self. Once you’ve been out of the relationship longer, you’ll be able to look back and see that it wasn’t good for you.

[Anonymous]

Why did you say “female lawyer” and not just “lawyer”?

[Anonymous]

OP, please value yourself more. He wants you to think he's not looking for sex, but do you trust him? He had phone sex with you while dating someone else. I'm sure you are a lovely person. Look for someone who isn't going to play games with you. You are worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to believe you are a less valuable person because you aren’t white. This isn’t true. Don’t get back together with this ex. Work on your career until you are earning an amount that gives you independence and the life you want. Then you’ll be ready to choose a life partner. And it shouldn’t be someone who needs to be in control and who is drawn to someone who doesn’t think highly of herself. Probably your ex is threatened by the high earning, successful woman he is dating so feels more comfortable with you. Your relationship has left you feeling bad about yourself and it hasn’t helped you succeed and be your best self. Once you’ve been out of the relationship longer, you’ll be able to look back and see that it wasn’t good for you.

I definitely don't feel a less valuable person because I'm not white. I love my skin color it's beautiful and my ex thought so too. It's because I'm not rich. Has nothing to do with race at all. My ex is the one who brought up race.

Well he's also only dated the woman 2 months whereas with me it's been a few years so of course he's more comfortable with me. He actually earns much more than she does but she is high maintenance.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're both young. People change. Listen to your gut. I had a similar experience and we're now married and very happy. But he changed. A lot. So did I. Make sure you assess these things in the short term before commiting long term. Love is love is love.

[Anonymous]

What’s weird about this post is not about how you guys were as a couple and why you broke up. That’s all that should really matter. Instead it’s about who he’s dating now and all the detailed info you have about her. If you guys broke up and are moving on, he really shouldn’t be talking to you about her and you shouldn’t be trying to tell him about your new dating life.

If you had good reason to break up with him, walk away and stop sexting him, having phone sex, and stringing along this along. Move on. It really doesn’t matter if he’s found someone paler, more high maintenance, or whatever. You decided he wasn’t for you.

If you are regretting breaking up with him because he’s found someone you think is better than you, then that’s petty.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you a teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason to reconnect with him is if you're looking for a friends-with-benefits situation. He will probably continue to see the lawyer girlfriend and you will be a side chick. If that's cool with you and you're not looking for an emotional connection, just let him know your fine with a sex only relationship.

We've been together for years. Like i said I met him when he was making only 25k. I loved him unconditionally and that love and care went both ways. He is a very emotional type though and very clingy. We broke up a few times and he always came back to work things out with me after a month or so of breaking up. He said he wanted to marry me more than a dozen times and now says he sees more of a future with me than the lawyer. He is not a lawyer but he is well off and educated. So am I but I'm poor.

Well. His lady lawyer girlfriend will most likely not support him long term. So I guess he'll come back to you. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to believe you are a less valuable person because you aren’t white. This isn’t true. Don’t get back together with this ex. Work on your career until you are earning an amount that gives you independence and the life you want. Then you’ll be ready to choose a life partner. And it shouldn’t be someone who needs to be in control and who is drawn to someone who doesn’t think highly of herself. Probably your ex is threatened by the high earning, successful woman he is dating so feels more comfortable with you. Your relationship has left you feeling bad about yourself and it hasn’t helped you succeed and be your best self. Once you’ve been out of the relationship longer, you’ll be able to look back and see that it wasn’t good for you.

I definitely don't feel a less valuable person because I'm not white. I love my skin color it's beautiful and my ex thought so too. It's because I'm not rich. Has nothing to do with race at all. My ex is the one who brought up race.

Well he's also only dated the woman 2 months whereas with me it's been a few years so of course he's more comfortable with me. He actually earns much more than she does but she is high maintenance.

He's messy, divulging information about their relationship to you. Run far away.

[Anonymous]

OP, why did you break up with him?

[Anonymous]

I'm not so much concerned with his cheating, because it sounds like he hasn't gotten far enough with White Lawyer Chick for it to be cheating. But this is a TON of drama, and does not really seem like a stable relationship potential. Also, the fact that he is white and fetishizes non-white women would be a problem for me. It's not for you? It sounds like both of you would have to grow up A LOT for a successful relationship; and yet it doesn't seem like either of you has enough self-awareness to do so. Marriage is a very practical partnership (in part) and it does not really seem like you guys have that potential.