Would You Take Away WS Nats Tickets for Bad Behavior?

[Anonymous]

I think by 16, that kind of bribery/punishment isn’t going to be effective. I think if you want to take someone else or sell them, you should be sure to frame it that way - that he’s being a dick and while I’m your parent and I love you, I don’t want to do this fun thing with you. More of a natural consequence.

OTOH you could decide to forgive him and maybe the game is great and you totally bond and the relationship is better and the house more peaceful for a while. If you do that, maybe communicate it so he knows you’re hoping to go and have a great time together and you’re not bringing any of the recent stuff to the park with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For something as special as this you would have needed to give at least a week's warning and the criteria for getting to go would have needed to be listed out, clear, and tracked.

You might want to lay out expectations for behavior at the game and especially for going forward.

This. At this point, I might say something like “we have these tickets, but based on your behavior and how you are treating everyone in your family, it doesn’t seem like you want to spend time with us, and unless you can start being civil/respectful/kind, we’ll invite someone else to join us because we want the game to be an enjoyable experience and if you continue behaving this way, it will be miserable for everyone.”

Also, I personally would have no problem leaving a bratty 16 year old at home and letting sibling invite a friend instead. If you act like an asshole, you don’t get nice things. Maybe that’s too harsh, but that’s just me and my kids know it.

[Anonymous]

No. Once in a lifetime events are not the type of thing to be used for managing behavior. That's the type of response that will make things worse rather than better. That's the type of error in parenting that will create lifelong resentment and drive him away from you rather than keep him close to you. Good discipline is something that he'll recognize later and appreciate you for guiding him the right way. Bad discipline will just make him glad to leave you and not want to keep close ties with you after he fledges and leaves the nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For something as special as this you would have needed to give at least a week's warning and the criteria for getting to go would have needed to be listed out, clear, and tracked.

You might want to lay out expectations for behavior at the game and especially for going forward.

This. At this point, I might say something like “we have these tickets, but based on your behavior and how you are treating everyone in your family, it doesn’t seem like you want to spend time with us, and unless you can start being civil/respectful/kind, we’ll invite someone else to join us because we want the game to be an enjoyable experience and if you continue behaving this way, it will be miserable for everyone.”

Also, I personally would have no problem leaving a bratty 16 year old at home and letting sibling invite a friend instead. If you act like an asshole, you don’t get nice things. Maybe that’s too harsh, but that’s just me and my kids know it.

+1
This is a huge privilege, not a life necessity.
Unless he's a lifelong baseball fanatic, in which case I'd focus on other options for consequences.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For something as special as this you would have needed to give at least a week's warning and the criteria for getting to go would have needed to be listed out, clear, and tracked.

You might want to lay out expectations for behavior at the game and especially for going forward.

This. At this point, I might say something like “we have these tickets, but based on your behavior and how you are treating everyone in your family, it doesn’t seem like you want to spend time with us, and unless you can start being civil/respectful/kind, we’ll invite someone else to join us because we want the game to be an enjoyable experience and if you continue behaving this way, it will be miserable for everyone.”

Also, I personally would have no problem leaving a bratty 16 year old at home and letting sibling invite a friend instead. If you act like an asshole, you don’t get nice things. Maybe that’s too harsh, but that’s just me and my kids know it.

Be careful. With your attitude, your children may not want to have a relationship with you after the go to college. I knew a father like you growing up and both kids decided they wanted to go to college on the west coast. After college, they took jobs out there and made frequent excuses not to come home for holidays and even events. If the parents tried to make plans to visit, the kids often discouraged their parents from visiting. The parents saw their kids like once a decade. It broke the mother's heart because they were avoiding their father and she lost her kids as a result. They spoke to their mother on the phone, but wouldn't talk to their dad. It was very sad. They both married and developed good relations with their in-laws and never really looked back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For something as special as this you would have needed to give at least a week's warning and the criteria for getting to go would have needed to be listed out, clear, and tracked.

You might want to lay out expectations for behavior at the game and especially for going forward.

This. At this point, I might say something like “we have these tickets, but based on your behavior and how you are treating everyone in your family, it doesn’t seem like you want to spend time with us, and unless you can start being civil/respectful/kind, we’ll invite someone else to join us because we want the game to be an enjoyable experience and if you continue behaving this way, it will be miserable for everyone.”

Also, I personally would have no problem leaving a bratty 16 year old at home and letting sibling invite a friend instead. If you act like an asshole, you don’t get nice things. Maybe that’s too harsh, but that’s just me and my kids know it.

+1
This is a huge privilege, not a life necessity.
Unless he's a lifelong baseball fanatic, in which case I'd focus on other options for consequences.

I'm not even a baseball fan and I believe that this is an inappropriate parental response. This is an event that may be a once in a lifetime event. It has been 86 years since there has been a home World Series baseball game in Washington DC. There are cities that have not been in the finals of their sporting event for 30, 40 or even 50 years. If you have no other way to discipline your child than this, then you are a pretty poor parent.

Events like a band that has separated, but has a once-in-a-lifetime reunion tour or major sporting events, or a viewing of a rare event like an unusual eclipse or comet, are not the type of things that should be used as disciplinary privileges to be withheld. Yes it is not a life necessity, but it is something that may not be able to be experienced or duplicated again. You need to have better tools in your repertoire to discipline your child because these are not appropriate to withhold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Once in a lifetime events are not the type of thing to be used for managing behavior. That's the type of response that will make things worse rather than better. That's the type of error in parenting that will create lifelong resentment and drive him away from you rather than keep him close to you. Good discipline is something that he'll recognize later and appreciate you for guiding him the right way. Bad discipline will just make him glad to leave you and not want to keep close ties with you after he fledges and leaves the nest.

This is very astute.

[Anonymous]

the kid is like that because you micro manage them and want them o be a certain way.

[Anonymous]

For general bad behavior no. If he drove drunk and got a dui yes. Got arrested yes. Suspended from school yes. Started a fire yes. Assaulted someone yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, and I’m pretty strict. I would take away phone or car.

This.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not do this - have fun together, bond. Kids go through hard times. We do too. May be there will be an opportunity to see what’s going on (girlfriend, school pressure, etc) kids don’t act out for no reason -

[Anonymous]

No.

But maybe you should tell him that you considered not letting him go because of his recent behavior and see if you can have a frank discussion about it. He might be registering your responses to his behavior on a day-to-day basis as typical parental nagging without even realizing that he's fallen into a pattern that is really bothering you on a deeper level.

And don't just randomly take his phone or his driving privileges without warning either. Do people really remove this stuff if their kid isn't chipper and obedient at all times? Junior year is tough and they are going to have periods of being stressed and moody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For general bad behavior no. If he drove drunk and got a dui yes. Got arrested yes. Suspended from school yes. Started a fire yes. Assaulted someone yes.

This. It would have to be really bad.

[Anonymous]

OP here, and I thank you all for calming me down.

I can't imagine that we really would have done this - I was just frustrated today after a long week.

Here's the thing: None of these DC kids - mine, yours and everyone else's - has any idea how good they have it, on so many levels. We are talking about going to a World Series baseball game, your hometown team that you've been a fan of your whole life, where they might win it all. Most baseball fans wait their whole life for that and never see it. And we're talking about a 16 year old, whose only job/ responsibility in life is to go to school, do some things around the house, and basically grow into a good son, brother and friend. Is that asking so much?

I just get tired of entitled attitudes, even if it doesn't rise to serious behavior problems. DH and I have worked very hard to get to where we are to be able to provide things like this.