How to comfort husband?

[Anonymous]

You need to know your husband. Some men are the sensitive type who want emotional comfort and support and some are not.

Some men prefer to work out their feelings through a hard work out at the gym, being angry for a bit, rationalizing or taking actions that give them a sense of feeling more in control.

Be it nature or nurture or societal expectation, most men are not the sit down and talk about their feelings with their wives / cry on their shoulder types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give him space to deal with it. How he uses that space depends on him.

+10000 ... This happened to me when I did not get a job after multiple rounds of interview ... took me some time to get over it

[Anonymous]

Why didn't he get the job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ime it helps to just empathize -- "I know this is really hard for you," "I'm so sorry," etc -- rather than trying to make him feel better. Give him space to feel bad and make sure you don't come across like he has to buck up for your sake. Like, yeah, he has to buck up at some point but it sounds like this is still very fresh.

DH here. I wouldn't want that. I actually wouldn't want anything from DW. Just let me be until I can digest and get it out of my system. How to deal with these things are very person specific. Without knowing your DH, no one can really tell you the best way.

+1 another DH here. I imagine this would be the same regardless of gender but as a man, this is like a hit below the belt b/c I feel like I've let down my DW/family and I would need time to process and deal with this on my own. sure, intimacy helps but I wouldn't need DW to "comfort" me in the sense of providing empathy or soothing words - that would make me feel even worse.

I'm a DW but was just about to post the same as the two DHs above. My DH wouldn't want me to do anything to comfort him. He'd need time and space to let his ego heal and to process whatever he might be feeling.

If one of my friends was going through this, I'd approach it completely differently, along the lines of what the posters above have suggested: comforting words, a fun outing. But I don't think most men need or want that kind of response.

[Anonymous]

I'd say "I'm so sorry because I know how much it meant to you" and leave him alone. Once he seemed to have bottomed out I would then ask him what he sees his next steps being - hoping that a year from now he might get the promotion or leverage his accomplishments by moving to a different firm? If he is ready to move forward he needs to have a plan to do so and hoping for a promotion is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say "I'm so sorry because I know how much it meant to you" and leave him alone. Once he seemed to have bottomed out I would then ask him what he sees his next steps being - hoping that a year from now he might get the promotion or leverage his accomplishments by moving to a different firm? If he is ready to move forward he needs to have a plan to do so and hoping for a promotion is not a plan.

+1 He's the only one who really understands why he didn't get the promotion and he needs to deal with it. He needs to either forge ahead with the same firm or move on. Organizations are a pyramid and not everyone can get to the next level but that doesn't mean you won't be of greater value elsewhere. If he has ambition he will figure this out on his own but you need to be prepared for a possible relocation. Are you open to that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say "I'm so sorry because I know how much it meant to you" and leave him alone. Once he seemed to have bottomed out I would then ask him what he sees his next steps being - hoping that a year from now he might get the promotion or leverage his accomplishments by moving to a different firm? If he is ready to move forward he needs to have a plan to do so and hoping for a promotion is not a plan.

LEAVE ME ALONE!

-dh

[Anonymous]

Bad things happen to good people and you really don't know why he didn't get the promotion. Leave him alone and don't stroke his ego as this is something he needs to deal with on his own. Dealing with setbacks is part of life and how you deal with setbacks is a good test of one's character. If he sulks and mopes for more than a brief period kick him in the butt.

[Anonymous]

If it were my DH, what would be most helpful to him is if I said, once, "That sucks. I'm sorry." and them made no demands on him and left him alone to play video games all weekend.

[Anonymous]

Remind him of something that happened in his past that he thought he wanted and it ended up better in the long run. For example, my husband was crushed when a company he was excited about folded and he found something MUCH better as a result that he never would have considered had that not happened.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me he’s not a millennial...

You win some you lose some. Not everyone gets what they want.

There’s a better opportunity coming. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were my DH, what would be most helpful to him is if I said, once, "That sucks. I'm sorry." and them made no demands on him and left him alone to play video games all weekend.

Your DH plays video games? Like kids? How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:soothe his penis instead

+1. Give it a lot of attention.

[Anonymous]

I feed mine - the good, southern soul food way.

[Anonymous]

He might want to tune up his resume and start looking for another job.