Did you help pay for a sibling's wedding?

[Anonymous]

Sibling asked for help paying for wedding, and also asked for five figures towards the down payment of their new home. Big no to both.

[Anonymous]

The only rationale I can see for this is if parents chipped in for the other two weddings while alive and there was an inheritance that was split evenly between the three.

[Anonymous]

If my parents had contributed a lot to my wedding and had passed away I’d probably help out a sibling especially if they were inviting a lot of relatives who had been close to my parents. We have a good deal of money and we can afford to be generous and I would be under the right circumstances and if I really liked my sibling. A question I would ask myself is what would my parents want me to do?

[Anonymous]

Are there extenuating circumstances where they need financial help (for what I would hope would be a very modest wedding)? If that’s the case, and your family knows about it, I don’t see any harm in writing them a check as an early gift to help pay for food or whatever - but with the understanding that that is their gift and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there extenuating circumstances where they need financial help (for what I would hope would be a very modest wedding)? If that’s the case, and your family knows about it, I don’t see any harm in writing them a check as an early gift to help pay for food or whatever - but with the understanding that that is their gift and that’s it.

The happy couple could probably use the money in whatever form, but I know nothing about the wedding except when/where it is. Maybe donating sibling is doing this as a wedding present? Maybe donating sibling is just excited about the wedding? Parents did not contribute to either of the already-married siblings' weddings.

At least I'm not missing some old tradition. And I'm totally leaving this up to my spouse, because no decision is going to bother me.

[Anonymous]

No.

Never would

Never would set that precedent.

Weddings are unnecessary for a marriage too, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never heard of this, but it sounds from the info you've provided I would assume since parents are no longer living, maybe sibling feels it's something they want to do to support the other sibling since often parents will chip in and sibling currently getting married doesn't have that option (were deceased parents alive for your wedding and pitched in?). I certainly don't think your family should feel they need to chip in, I don't think this is a typical arrangement. I would just assume the sibling chipping in has the means and felt this was a good use of their money to support sibling.

didn't they already get the split inheritances and asset splits? Why go back and direct that to one siblings wedding party? S/he should have saved up or had a less extravagant or big wedding.

[Anonymous]

No. Why would anyone even think this is appropriate?

[Anonymous]

I probably helped with $2,000 of expenses with both sisters' weddings but they were 20 and 25 when they married.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you could offer to cover one expense, such as the cake or toasting champagne, as your wedding gift. We’ve done this for a few strapped friends/relatives.

[Anonymous]

Both of my siblings got married on a cruise, and if their guests booked enough rooms their suite was free. So I guess I helped by booking my room on the cruise? But no, no idea that anyone but them would pay for the wedding itself.

You're not missing anything, and I wouldn't want to set any precedent by doing this, but I would give generously in my wedding present.

[Anonymous]

I gave my sister a huge check as a wedding present that I am sure she used to pay for her venders. It was a gift and she could do what she wanted with it. My sister is a hot mess but a really decent person, so I had no hesitation giving it to her. She did not ask for it though.

[Anonymous]

Good heavens.

No.

[Anonymous]

Well If I was as wealthy as Oprah and my sibling was getting married I would but otherwise no.

[Anonymous]

I gave my brother $2,000 as a wedding gift but did not help him pay for the wedding. TBH, if our parents weren't helping/were deceased, I would have offered as I have the means and I know DH would be fine with it.

However, it is by no means an expectation and you should both be on board with it!