Local parents-finding a balance

[Anonymous]

You are buying the wrong Grandma Diet Pepsi! (Hint: so nice stuff for the people who are nice to you.)

My parents are the same way - I can totally see my dad telling my kids to pipe down so he can watch Jeopardy. The thing is, we are not local. So obviously my in-laws, who love the kids and make our lives easier and are willing to travel to us, see way more of the kids. It’s just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are chill, relaxed, and make my life easier get invited over a lot more often than people for whom I have to “host.” How would your parents know if your in-laws came over for an hour on Saturday afternoon anyway?

This is my philosophy. When my mother was pleasant, I saw her often. Now that she is diva and extra entitled I see her less often because it is so mentally draining I have to make sure I have time to decompress after it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your parents probably won't ever be as easy-going as your DH parents, but event minor adjustments may help.

I had to have a talk with my mom who expected that when she is here (and she is here two times a year about five weeks each time) we need to socialize all the time, have people over on weekends, have long chats with her every night into midnight, that we fetch her her brand of shampoos on demand, extra table lamps, fix her computer immediately, buy her her favorite groceries as soon as asked, drive her around, etc. etc. After my hints that we both have full time jobs and two kids with homework and activities and we can entertain her one weekend, but not for five weeks, I had to have a frank discussion that we are not running a resort and we are happy to have her, but some nights I want to talk to my husband - alone, read a book, not have special occasion every weekend, etc. - she actually understood and would often just go read in the guest room or go for walks on her own or cook and not make a big deal out of it.

Your situation is completely different, but sometimes explaining that you have kids and formal is hard, you want help with dinner or cleanup might make your life easier.

Omg it would be ww3! They are just of such a different mentality, like they put in their time and are elders who must be celebrated. If I said we were having carryout and I only had Diet Coke, it would be seen as a personal insult to them as matriarch and patriarch.

Then insult them and get them out of your hair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are buying the wrong Grandma Diet Pepsi! (Hint: so nice stuff for the people who are nice to you.)

My parents are the same way - I can totally see my dad telling my kids to pipe down so he can watch Jeopardy. The thing is, we are not local. So obviously my in-laws, who love the kids and make our lives easier and are willing to travel to us, see way more of the kids. It’s just the way it is.

+1 My parents live 2-3 miles away, they are always around and they also are pretty high maintenance. I don't get the complaint about the coffee and Diet Pepsi. When you're at the store simply stock up. I have a shelf in my pantry with stuff my parents like (I'm lookin' at you, Ma, with your Wheat Thins and Tab) and it is NBD. I also will personally take down any child who touches that stuff cuz it is there for the grands. I will do the same if anyone eats the last of the Pinwheels I keep on hand for their Dad.

[Anonymous]

Just make gentle accommodations along the way. Scale back your grand dinners with your parents and simply say you didn’t have time to get the Diet Pepsi or whatever. They will see that life goes on have to go along with it if they want to see you. If they complain about the others “getting more time”. Simply point out that they offered to pick up the kids/take you to dinner/babysit for PTA night and you were happy to accept. It might light a fire for your parents to do the same, or it might not, but either way you put it out there that the ball is in their court to “even things out” if they so desire.

[Anonymous]

You could always try this method:

"Mom, Dad, I hate to break it to you but we've been going through all of our finances and met with our financial advisor, and we're going to have no choice but to put you guys both in a state-run Medicaid facility."

Grandparents: Passing out, getting the vapors, "WHAT?!"

"Just kidding. Probably. Nah, it's not that serious, we're just doing pizza this weekend instead of me cooking a big meal for dinner. You might want to grab your Diet Pepsi on the way, I don't have time to go to the store between now and then. See you then!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop hosting these scheduled get togethers and have it happen more naturally. Call and say “Larla would love you to come watch her soccer game. Then we are all going out to brunch.” Then everyone goes home to their own house.

This, but older people often like to plan. Let them know about the soccer game a weak in advance. I agree with not having them at your home as often if they are too persnickety.