Dealing with an anxious spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has extreme anxiety, both in general and in regard to our marriage. It’s now gotten to the point where we have “relationship talks” multiple times a day. It’s stressing me TF out and now I just avoid spouse because I’m so tired of hearing how I fall short, which of course leads to....more talks. I’m starting to have trouble controlling my own anxiety around this and am falling into depression. I’ve never cheated or done anything that warrants this.

How on earth do I get this to stop?

I could've bolded your whole post as red flags. This sounds like abuse.

[Anonymous]

What’s the topic of these relationship talks? Maybe you both are not resolving anything.

What are some of these examples of falling short? Can’t tell here what’s going on here.
I don’t like my employees “falling short” of decent standards, but I don’t hold them up to Herculean standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse has extreme anxiety, both in general and in regard to our marriage. It’s now gotten to the point where we have “relationship talks” multiple times a day. It’s stressing me TF out and now I just avoid spouse because I’m so tired of hearing how I fall short, which of course leads to....more talks. I’m starting to have trouble controlling my own anxiety around this and am falling into depression. I’ve never cheated or done anything that warrants this.

How on earth do I get this to stop?

I could've bolded your whole post as red flags. This sounds like abuse.

^^I agree with this. My own DH has anxiety issues that ebb and flow, but even in his worst phases (which can be pretty bad), he has never used it as an excuse to be abusive in that way. Sure, anxiety can manifest in many different ways, but this just sounds like a flat-out control tactic. Truly, you should leave, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op is either playing the victim or mature and trying to deal with a crazy nervous Nellie

Get individual counseling Op. to cope with it. Or fix where you’re falling short.

[Anonymous]

Probably there are a bunch of things going on in addition to your spouse's anxiety.

What are your respective "attachment styles?" Presumably your spouse's is insecure. Depending on yours that could ramp up spouse's anxiety, especially if you withdraw.