Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote: These friends are weird op, especially the husband. Women are usually more casual about boundaries... until their husbands come home.
I can clearly remember a time when my mom wanted to visit some friends of my parents. This was pre cell phone, and the conversation went something like this...
"mom "Let's stop in and see Jack and Jill, they live right in this neighborhood"
Dad "Do they know we're coming?"
Mom "No, but we're so close, let's just see how they are doing"
Dad "Not unless we find a phone and call first"
Mom "why? We're only 5 minutes away"
Dad "Because I don't know if they are home, and even if they are home, I don't know that they want anybody over now"
Mom "But we haven't seen them in awhile"
Dad "I really don't want to ring their doorbell and interrupt them taking a nap or screwing or painting the kitchen, we can go over, but only if we call first, and only if they say yes".
That was the end of it. To this day, I don't ever remember my mom suggesting a random drop-in again. My dad was polite, direct and firm.
My husband and I had a similar experience with friends that always came by, nice friends, just came by whenever they felt like it and without asking first.
One evening my husband and I were in bed, and these friends came by. My husband went downstairs, told them that we are a married couple, told them what they were interrupting and asked them to please leave and not to come over without calling. It worked.
It's strange that your husband's friend, especially the male half of the couple would be so obtuse. You shouldn't have to hide in your apartment, living like that can stress you, your husband, your kids and your marriage. You also shouldn't be subject to random uninvited drop-ins, again your home is your sanctuary.
I would ask your husband how he feels about this friendship. Is something more going on with him and his friend? I'm being serious, and I'd start with sex, money and/or drugs. Does this friend have an unhealthy interest in you or your children? Does he simply not want your husband to be married so that he can have control? Note that you guys aren't randomly stopping by their place, and that this friend has the means and ability to literally come and go when it pleases him. You can't just leave your own home, and you shouldn't have to. You also don't have any insight into when they will be there, nor for how long. That would really upset me.
If your husband wants the friends to cool it, he needs to tell them this. If they won't, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.
A gentler approach would be to move apartments ideally within the complex, though again, that shouldn't be something you have to do. Then just don't tell the friends the new address.
Also, make sure these friends aren't trying to case other apartment dwellers, you don't want to be considered by association if people's homes are broken into.
Woah...you wrote a thesis. Could get past the first 3 sentences. Clif notes anyone?
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