Heartbreaking end of "starter marriage"

[Anonymous]

Are you the poster with the short marriage who has fought since day one when your expectations didn't align and your husband goes out too much with his buddies?

If so, I am happy to hear you are separating.

[Anonymous]

I was you 15 years ago. Yes, it will be better. Much better. Just be with yourself now and work on being happy. The rest will come.

[Anonymous]

Yes it will get better! I second the others suggesting therapy. It helped me so much after my college sweetheart and I got divorced when I was 29.

I'm now in a much better marriage but I was only ready when I realized that I would rather be alone than with anything less than an amazing relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the poster with the short marriage who has fought since day one when your expectations didn't align and your husband goes out too much with his buddies?

If so, I am happy to hear you are separating.

Oh yes I hope so too!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I was also in a "starter" marriage that I basically knew from day 1 would not last but stuck it out for 7 years -- no kids. I was 30 when we finally divorced (he was 37). It took me 5 years before I remarried and I am now heading towards year 15 with a lovely spouse and two awesome kids. Hang in there. Take care of yourself and I hope for good things in your future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you think in terms of "starter" marriage, then I wonder why you're surprised that it's ending.

X2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you think in terms of "starter" marriage, then I wonder why you're surprised that it's ending.

X2

I doubt she thought of it as a starter marriage when she got married, it’s just a convenient way to convey that the marriage was short, early in life, and without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If you think in terms of "starter" marriage, then I wonder why you're surprised that it's ending.

X2

I doubt she thought of it as a starter marriage when she got married, it’s just a convenient way to convey that the marriage was short, early in life, and without kids.

Nah. She knew. We all knew.

[Anonymous]

OP - you have to find what works for you and add TIME.

Therapy is very helpful for some to work through issues.

For me, I don't wallow so I let myself be disillusioned and sad when I was blindsided, and then moved on. Find things that bring you joy (experiences like traveling, exploring new places, reading a good book, shopping, whatever) and do those things. My view is that you only have one life so why waste time with whoa is me.

[Anonymous]

I remember when I thought 31 was too old to start again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Of not, consider yourself lucky and free!

No kids. I am 31.

You will be fine - in fact better than before. But it will take time and patience, and what you're currently feeling is entirely rational. Focus on being kind to yourself - hugs.

You aren’t alone. Thousands of people have been there and made it to somewhere better. You can too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Of not, consider yourself lucky and free!

Exactly. You drank the marriage KoolAid like many of us, but fortunately you survived, and now you can live your life as an actual person with hopes and dreams. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones!

You don't need anyone. No one does.

+1. This whole marriage thing is not for everyone that’s for sure!

[Anonymous]

You married a romanticized dream guy. Either your head was in the clouds or you were willingly turning a blind eye to some real red flags but those red flags were there all along, Op. You just chose to ignore them because it didn't fit into your expectations of what things "should be" and what marriage "would be".

I only know this because I did this with my former fiance. There were so many things that I loved about him. I did love him - he was the world to me. But I was not accepting of his faults. I ignored some very fundamental incompatibility issues between the two of us - I am talking about non negotiable, not o.k. EVER sort of things. We were wrong, wrong, wrong for each other.

On the positive side, I picked myself up, learned from it and later found a guy who I accept totally, love unconditionally and am perfectly compatible with. We've known each other for 30 years, been married for 20 .

[Anonymous]

I was waiting for a heartbreaking story. Next.

[Anonymous]

You need to talk to a therapist, especially since you are feeling heartbroken. Because from your other threads, it was clear that your expectations about marriage changing your DH's lifestyle and priorities were unrealistic. You are feel hurt because he didn't change. You should work on that.