I want divorce, husband doesn’t...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand. If you want it, go ahead. Why do you need DH’s approval?

Because she wants a divorce and his money.

[Anonymous]

Takes two to marry and one (or two) to divorce.

See a Lawyer ASAP and serve him the papers.

Inform your lawyer/mediator that you are dealing with a workaholic, verbal abuser who gaslights you so they are ready for all those shenanigans. Including the ongoing one where A-hole is blaming you for everything and what you are doing to the kids.

Bear in mind that narcissistic self-centered A-holes will never really apologize, take responsibility, nor change so get this dumb dance over in 6 months. Get your kids out of this environment; things will be much more peaceful in 12 mos time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Takes two to marry and one (or two) to divorce.

See a Lawyer ASAP and serve him the papers.

Inform your lawyer/mediator that you are dealing with a workaholic, verbal abuser who gaslights you so they are ready for all those shenanigans. Including the ongoing one where A-hole is blaming you for everything and what you are doing to the kids.

Bear in mind that narcissistic self-centered A-holes will never really apologize, take responsibility, nor change so get this dumb dance over in 6 months. Get your kids out of this environment; things will be much more peaceful in 12 mos time.

Agree, get your kids out of this environment. So much worse for kids than divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trying to get some feedback on how to navigate this situation. We’ve been married for 13 years, have two kids under ten. Husband is a workaholic and verbally/mentally abusive towards me since then beginning. I didn’t know what I was dealing with and kept going to marriage counseling and trying to work on things, but he is very slow to make progress and whatever progress he makes usually gets thrown back in my face (“look how much I’ve changed for you”). At this point, I’m done with the marriage because I don’t see us growing old together, divorce is inevitable, but he is begging for another chance. I gave him time to get his act together earlier in the year, but he has gone back to his old controlling and gaslighting ways and I can’t take anymore. He’s telling me he will not divorce me and will fight it with all his energy and resources because he thinks I’m being unreasonable and the kids will be “destroyed” by this decision.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you survive? I am already barely keeping my head above water, a long drawn out divorce will destroy me, but staying is not an option because it will literally kill me.

FYI- never go to joint counseling with a manipulative verbally and emotionally abusive or habitually lying spouse. He will use it as a grand stage to lie and twist and make a Flying Monkey out of your stupid therapist.

Btw— your kids probably now view lying to obvious questions as a great and effective (bad) habit, due to him. That $hit doesn’t stop after age 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is right that you will destroy your children. But if you want to proceed, spend the $450 to see a lawyer and get some advice. It depends on the state. You may have to move out, although that will affect custody. The only thing that is certain is any advice on this forum is worth what you paid for it, including what I just typed.

Staying married to a verbally abusive spouse will destroy your children.

[Anonymous]

FYI any lawyer or therapist will tell you the “you’re going to hurt the kids” excuse from a psycho abuser in order to control you, yet again, is par for the course.

Get out now, get going. Lots of support groups for this, call the hotlines for a lawyer and a therapist. You have been making excuses for his abuse and that all needs to stop.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like allot of sour dried up ex wives on this thread.

You sound like a typical marriage. Give examples of abuse, your probably doing the same thing therefore it cancels and really didn't count as abuse.

Unless he is physically abusing or cheating, Your only bet is to cheat and lose your 1/2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely start with a lawyer. She/he will probably want you to document everything because abusers are usually charming and judges aren’t immune to charm.

Document too much and you look like a nut job. Trust me.

Gaslighting abuser.

?

Someone being gaslighted can do much better than to keep s crazy journal. She can decide to end it for starters. That ends abuse right quick. No need to document except for the big stuff.

Nothing looks crazier than someone keeping notes on someone else. Did you ever see that crazy lady at work documenting actions of co workers? It never helps.

[Anonymous]

Be careful about your physical safety as well. It’s not unheard of for verbal abuse to escalate quickly when a woman tries to leave the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is right that you will destroy your children. But if you want to proceed, spend the $450 to see a lawyer and get some advice. It depends on the state. You may have to move out, although that will affect custody. The only thing that is certain is any advice on this forum is worth what you paid for it, including what I just typed.

Divorce does not destroy children. That is BS. Idiotic parents destroy children...they could be married or divorced. Does not matter.

[Anonymous]

we don't even really know that the guy is like OP says...
It is so easy to label someone mentally abusive.
She says he is a workaholic... that probably means his is a high earner and she is a SAH. In other words she isn't doing her 50% of the income generation and then complains that he doesn't do enough with the kids which leads to him getting upset and voila... he is verbally abusive.

OP's post is one sided and she doesn't appear to understand how she has contributed to the failed marriage.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a lot like my situation. He made life hard. It was expensive. But I’m finding my way. It was worth it. So worth it. My kids are calmer and happier. I feel like a bird let out of a cage. There were times in the process I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through because of how bad his behavior got, but I stayed calm and didn’t engage over trivial things, and I made it through.

Getting divorced is hell. Being divorced is heaven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Takes two to marry and one (or two) to divorce.

See a Lawyer ASAP and serve him the papers.

Inform your lawyer/mediator that you are dealing with a workaholic, verbal abuser who gaslights you so they are ready for all those shenanigans. Including the ongoing one where A-hole is blaming you for everything and what you are doing to the kids.

Bear in mind that narcissistic self-centered A-holes will never really apologize, take responsibility, nor change so get this dumb dance over in 6 months. Get your kids out of this environment; things will be much more peaceful in 12 mos time.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does "Mentally/Emotionally Abusive" mean to you? Can you give some examples? (Be honest and without dramatization, please)

sorry, meant "Verbally/Mentally Abusive"

All men are "Verbally/Mentally Abusive" What does it mean? The guy has never laid hands on her but he probably raises his voice when she annoys the crap out of him for working his ass off to keep a roof over their heads. And the, gaslighting? Oh there is always gaslighting if you read this board.