Kind of freaking out—talk me down!
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Anonymous
I'm you, a decade+ from now. If something happens, call the daycare and let them know there's an emergency. Right now, identify a coworker and/or child's friend's parent if you can call them in an absolute emergency. I feel like a jerk doing this, because I feel like these people are acquaintances. But I've learned people are often more than happy to help out in an emergency. Even as acquaintances, they know me well enough to know I will not call on them unless I absolutely must. Wouldn't you be willing to help an acquaintance in that situation? Other people are too. Ask a couple of people, write down their information, put it in your phone. You won't need them, but you'll feel better for having them, and you can give the people a small thank you gift afterwards if you know something that would be appropriate, or a nice thank you note. Being here a decade+ later I can also say the two people I identified as emergency backups have developed into friends I really do now feel I could depend on. I also recommend generally having a plan for car break downs, or other reasonably foreseen emergencies. It's useful to know what towing company you like, whether AAA reasonably works for you, if you're ok leaving your car on the side of the road while you take an Uber. You can do this. |
Anonymous
| OP, take a moment to look through your phone. Do you have the names of people from work? Your kid's daycare/school (you didn't say how old they are, which I think makes a big difference)? Have you never used a babysitter? My husband travels for work usually halfway across the world and is often without his phone (he's on aircraft carriers and available only in the event of a true emergency like a child is dying since he'd have to be flown off the ship in order to then fly home). We have no local family and my best friends are all over three hours away. My neighbor's husband is stationed on a submarine also halfway across the world. People step up when needed. So make sure you have those people in your phone. It's 2019, not 1919. Don't let your phone charge die (plug it in at night like a responsible adult) and you'll be able to reach someone. |
Anonymous
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Next time call a tow truck, not just aaa. Sure expensive but if they aren’t working move on.
Also, you are the one stressed while your DH is on Appalachia with out cell after all the crime there?? |
Anonymous
To you/the kids or to your DH? I'm proud of you for getting help with your anxiety. My anxiety constantly made me imagine the worst case scenarios and it was paralyzing. I'm sure you are scared for your DH and it'll be a hard week to not hear from him and to care for your children alone, but you can do it. Schedule an appointment with your therapist, assuming you have once since you said you're working on your anxiety, for the week before he leaves and a tentative appointment during the week he's gone. That way, you have an outlet and support if you're feeling overwhelmed by your anxiety during the week. I agree that you can call on people you do not feel close to, but I'm guessing what is stopping you is the anxiety that you would be inconveniencing someone else and that you may not fully trust an acquaintance with your children. These are fears and anxiety, not realities. Please do not listen to PPs who are telling you to suck it up or that you're an embarrassment to women. Sucking it up when you have anxiety will make the anxiety worse. Work through your plan A, B, and C in case of "X" and write them out if that is helpful. That way, you can empty some mental space and know that you have a plan should it happen. You can do this OP. |
Anonymous
| You should make a deliberate effort to become a bit more self-reliant OP. It's okay to have some anxiety; it's another thing if you're freaking out over normal parenting. You're the adult here and there's really no reason why you can't manage your children without your husband's presence no matter what emergency might arise. |
Anonymous
| You are probably anxious about your DH, but transferring all those negative feelings onto this unlikely potentiality. My mom did that a lot, she was always freaking out about something that seemed crazy to freak out about, and only later did I realize that it was always something else, but that she either didn't realize it herself or pretended not to focus on. |
Anonymous
You should talk to your therapist about this. |
Anonymous
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Anxiety sucks and it doesn’t take much for it to spiral out of control.
My husband travels non-stop (sometimes to unreachable places) and my closest family members are a thousand miles away. It has taken a long time to build a local support network of folks I would feel comfortable calling in a true emergency and in that time I’ve learned that I can pretty much handle whatever gets thrown at me. It sounds like OP is accustomed to not needing to reach out beyond family in a pinch. She’s lucky. A lot of us don’t have that option and have a hard time relating. |
Anonymous
| There is nothing more off-putting than helpless women. People like you should never have had children. You shouldn't even have a gold fish! |
Anonymous
| Even if your DH had his phone, he couldn't help you with a car problem (too far away). Think logically, check you phone for all the important numbers and don't lose your phone! |
Anonymous
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This happened to me. I walked a mile to the in home daycare. While I was walking I called preschool to say I’d be late. I put myself and my 1yr old without a car seat in an Uber and asked him to drive slowly on side streets. Met the older kid. Took the kids to pizza, called an acquaintance while eating and borrowed her wagon. Walked the kids home 1.5 miles, started bedtime while I waited for AAA (car was in the driveway, I work from home). Got the car jumped. Drove kids around in their pjs to charge the battery.
Kids thought it was a crazy adventure. You can figure this out OP! You can do hard things. You I already have kids so presumably you improvise and solve bizarre problems all the time. |
Anonymous
| If it makes you feel more at ease, your spouse can rent a satellite phone. |
Anonymous
| OP, get your car serviced (oil change, tire rotation, fluids topped off, etc) so you can put your mind at ease. |
Anonymous
Thanks. All of you are reassuring me that it would be OK if it happened. Probably my anxiety, but I hate the thought of the poor people who work at the daycare to have to stay over to watch my kid because all of my emergency contacts are a minimum 50 miles away. I have a neighbor I could call for help if I absolutely needed it, but she is older and I would hate to inconvenience her too. But you are all right, we help each other as humans. There are good people out there. Thanks to those of you who offered helpful responses. |
Anonymous
it is your fault if you haven't made the effort to make a connection with people close by - a neighbor, or neighbors - casual friend, or friends, or good friend nearby Btw, almost all people are reasonable and decent and would help anyone in need in a true emergency. |