Any Parents of young adults (in their 20’s and 30’s)

[Anonymous]

Almost all of them moved home after college.

A few hiked the App trail, were ski instructors for the winterstaying at their parents ski chalet, worked at the beach for the summer, did a work visa in Thailand/New Zealand/etc

Most boomeranged until they were 25-27 depending if they went to graduate school or not.

Most marry after 28.

A few moved in with parents for a few months even after marriage if they sold a house and built a new one.

Essentially, they are exactly like my generation.

I do have some cousins that still live in the small town that my dad grew up in. They mostly were married by 23 though, same with their kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m 33 and would be weirded out by a friend my age (or even a 25-year-old) who wasn’t fully self-sufficient. I’ve lived on my own - no parental assistance - since I was nineteen. Most of my friends have also been independent since about that age-early 20s.

[Anonymous]

I consider 18-19 to be a "young adult". 20 and over is just an adult. My kids were required to work and pay their own bills as soon as they turned 18. Under 18 they were required to pay for their own car insurance and gas if they wanted to drive. Mine are mid-to late 20's now and they have been on their own and self-sufficient for many years. Only you can fix this problem, OP. Tough love is pretty much your only option at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 30s are considered young adult? Wow. Since when?

+1

My thought as well. People are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 30s are considered young adult? Wow. Since when?

I was wondering this, too.

[Anonymous]

I lived with my parents for a year after college. I worked full time (lots of overtime) and put my paychecks into savings. By the time I moved out, I had bought a brand new reliable car, I was paying for my car insurance and my credit cards. I had decent credit and a good employment history so I was prepared to support myself. I moved out at the age of 23 and never boomeranged back.

[Anonymous]

OP - It is the parent(s) who set the tone and the rules for living at home during college or after college. However, the rules and the life skills expectations should have been well in place by high school (and really by upper elementary for some tasks). At a minimum there would be a clear talk about expectations of how long "in-home" support would be provided and what the guidelines are. One would do one's laundry, clean one's bedroom/bathroom used, prepare his/her own meals - with dinner with family if around AND clean up from doing so. Other expectations on household and yard tasks would depend on the family.

If the parents were able to cover health insurance until a full-time job with benefits was obtained that should be taken as a wonderful gift and financial head start by the son or daughter - but maybe get a defined number of what an individual policy would run. I think one should be able to find a way to pay for phone, car insurance and/or basic operation if one owns one. The adult son or daughter should be completely responsible for all personal affairs of health care, paying bills, getting appropriate kinds of insurance (perhaps with some guidance) etc. Depending on your views of social mores, you need to set down the clear house rules on alcohol use, drugs, and house guests. It is your home so step up to the plate and own it.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, reminds me of my loser BIL. He is 32, living at home and refuses to get a 9-5. He only does “consulting”. My husband and I place this solely on my MIL. She complains to us all the time about this situation, but doesn’t put any ultimatum on him. Hopefully your kids don’t turn out like this.

I agree with others that this is a parenting isssue.

[Anonymous]

It's always been like this, OP. People just didn't have an online forum to find each other and complain about it.

I learned to cook and manage a home competently when my first child was born. Not before - I didn't have any incentive to do so!

[Anonymous]

I lived at home until I was 25. I was saving up for a condo down payment and moved out once I had it. I didn't contribute rent but I didn't ask my parents for anything, either. I did help out with chores and things like taking my grandma (who lived with us) to the doctor.

[Anonymous]

As an older millennial (30), I really can't understand why anyone would want to move back home after leaving for college. Make your kids go out and experience life! There are so many options out there for young adults that provide housing. I worked as a live-in nanny for 6 months and saved everything. This gave me the freedom to travel and live where I wanted afterwards. My sister worked as a camp counselor that provided housing for two summers during college, one camp was in Turkey. I have 3 siblings and non of us ended up back home after we graduated highschool. It just wasn't what we wanted. Did we get help from our single mother? No! Did we move around a lot and work a lot of different jobs? Yes! That time taught us more about what we wanted to do and who we were than our years at college. We are now all self-sufficient adults and doing well. I also now have a great relationship with my mother. I am so thankful she taught me how to be an adult before I turned 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am wondering when they or their circle of friends started getting married and/or having kids or just get their life together to be independent. It seams that my daughter and most of her friends just went back to being teenagers after graduating college (working, living at home, forgetting things like money when they go out, and needing a lot of guidance) and I am getting burned out with essentially 3 teens. Any one have a hopefully stories to share? Does it get easier?

My daughter just graduated from college and her friends acted like that for part of the summer. Now one moved for grad school, two of them took jobs several states a way, and another is as you describe. She and another friend work full time but live at home. She cooks her own meals, pays her bills, runs errands for me, but is itching to move out. I want to set her up for success, by having her save a monthly amount equal to rent to get used to paying it while building an emergency fund. No good advice as I can't really take credit, she has always been self driven and she's lucky with her friend group.

[Anonymous]

I get that not everyone is like this or able to do this, but....

Man, I moved "home" after college for the handful of weeks it took me to find a job (OK, times were different and this was easier, but still...I have an art degree, ffs) and an apartment.

[Anonymous]

...Seriously, by the time I was out of college, I'd already sued a skeevy landlord and won.