overreactions and screaming. the screaming...

[Anonymous]

He's 4, its normal as he's trying to figure out things and the world. He's only been alive 4 years. You need to guide him through it and give consequences for screaming. Enough with the ASD comments. Its offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's 4, its normal as he's trying to figure out things and the world. He's only been alive 4 years. You need to guide him through it and give consequences for screaming. Enough with the ASD comments. Its offensive.

There are FREQUENT POSTERS who every time someone says “my child does X” they ask if they’ve been screened for ASD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is normal for 2 yo's to hit too, but that doesnt mean we just say " oh he's 2 so were gonna let him hit until he outgrows it"
We have to teach themwhat is ok and what isnt , its our job as parents.

+1000 of course it is developmental. But he won't necessarily pass out of the stage without parental guidance and discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is normal for 2 yo's to hit too, but that doesnt mean we just say " oh he's 2 so were gonna let him hit until he outgrows it"
We have to teach themwhat is ok and what isnt , its our job as parents.

+1000 of course it is developmental. But he won't necessarily pass out of the stage without parental guidance and discipline.

OP here and that’s what I was asking for: tips about guidance and discipline. We read a lot of books: any picture books for this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is normal for 2 yo's to hit too, but that doesnt mean we just say " oh he's 2 so were gonna let him hit until he outgrows it"
We have to teach themwhat is ok and what isnt , its our job as parents.

+1000 of course it is developmental. But he won't necessarily pass out of the stage without parental guidance and discipline.

OP here and that’s what I was asking for: tips about guidance and discipline. We read a lot of books: any picture books for this?

The original Mrs.Piggle Wiggle series is great for an awful lot of things: https://www.goodreads.com/series/53333-mrs-piggle-wiggle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started explaining to my kids around that age that screaming is the noise to use in case of emergency or kidnapping and I will drop everything to help. It’s not for fun or for frustration. It worked.

I did this too. Probably traumatized my kid but I finally told her that when she screams like that it means there’s an emergency and someone will call the police to make sure we’re OK. I explained that the police are there to help and to make sure there’s not a problem, and that they’ll have to talk to each of us separately to make sure everyone is feeling safe, and that it’s important she always tell the truth. She didn’t like the idea of being separated and interrogated so that nipped the screaming in the bud. ha. We’ve also read the boy who cried wolf a lot and discussed “faking” emergencies. I also tell her if there’s ever danger she can use her scream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

No. A 4 year old is old enough to learn to stop randomly screaming at the top of their lungs. Time-outs/coaching about when screaming should actually be done is a good start.

[Anonymous]

The other day my 4yo was having a whiny fit because he couldn’t eat potato chips in the car. I told him “stop whining now or you will not get to play big sister’s iPad at home.” He stopped whining. Fast. Maybe try that. “No screaming or x big consequence.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

What? A FOUR year old shouldn't be expected to have the self control to stop screaming if reminded to do so? That is not correct. A four year old is not a two year old. A four year old can absolutely be reasoned with. Reasoning (screaming is for emergencies) + consequence for second (or prolonged) occurrence (start w/ natural consequence if possible -- i.e., taking away legos/toy causing screaming; if that doesn't work or natural consequence is not available: short time out, no sticker for the day, no treat that day, no iPad time that day; whatever his currency is). Repeat for 2 weeks (w/ a reminder of the reasoning each time). After two weeks, tell him consequence is now for screaming at all (if he's trying, maybe give him a pass if he self-stops quickly). You will nip this in the bud relatively quickly, especially if he already has sufficient self control at school.

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old screams like crazy when he sees a bug. It's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Omg. Sounds like my entire night. Could not wait for my 4 year old to fall asleep tonight. Complained, whined and screamed for 95% of the night. I couldn't even discipline because my brain was not working right from all the craziness coming out of that little human. I have no advice. I tried to make her sit in time outs, she just screamed more. I tried to take her out for a bike ride and she just complained more and cried more. She was bi@*#ing until the mine
Use she fell asleep. Good grief. Hopefully tomorrow's a better day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 4 year old should not be expected to have the self control to not scream. A baby learns to cry and cry louder when they need attention. A toddler can't regulate their emotions yet and the emotion takes over their brain. Your child screams when overcome. This is not something a time out really fixes. Age and brain maturity does.

Ignore the screaming and wait. His brain will catch up until he can hear you again. Punishing him when he has no control will lead to greater frustration because you will expect him to control something he just can't yet.

What? A FOUR year old shouldn't be expected to have the self control to stop screaming if reminded to do so? That is not correct. A four year old is not a two year old. A four year old can absolutely be reasoned with. Reasoning (screaming is for emergencies) + consequence for second (or prolonged) occurrence (start w/ natural consequence if possible -- i.e., taking away legos/toy causing screaming; if that doesn't work or natural consequence is not available: short time out, no sticker for the day, no treat that day, no iPad time that day; whatever his currency is). Repeat for 2 weeks (w/ a reminder of the reasoning each time). After two weeks, tell him consequence is now for screaming at all (if he's trying, maybe give him a pass if he self-stops quickly). You will nip this in the bud relatively quickly, especially if he already has sufficient self control at school.

3.5-4 is when kids START developing self-control. We all know that means our kids will instantly have it at 3 years and 5 months because they're all self-starters, right?

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parents-happy-kids/201506/8-steps-help-your-child-develop-self-control

OP, you know your kid best. You know if it's behavior that CAN be modified vs if he simply can't stop once he starts screaming. But try stuff like the link above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I do agree that it’s developmental. We need to find the balance between teaching some coping skills, stressing that screaming is for emergencies, and possible time outs.

He doesn’t do this at camp, Sunday school, school, play places. Only at home. So he can control it, right?

Yes, if he is able to keep the lid on elsewhere, but at the same time, he does it with you because you are his safe space.

When my sensitive son did this at this age, if I possible could, I went to him when I could see him brimming over and had him sit in my lap. I'd tell him to hug me and we'd work on breathing. My DH hated that I did that and wanted to punish him, but I found that it calmed him so much more quickly if I touched him/engaged with him in some way, and THEN when he was calmer, we could talk through appropriate/inappropriate behavior etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instant consequence every time he screams. 4 mins on the step or wherever. Enforce it every time. If you are out then he sits on the floor.

Agree. Obviously just saying stop isn’t working.

[Anonymous]

My children never did this. All i had to say was 'we don't do that in this family" in an even, authoritative tone. Same as my mother did for me and my siblings. You must be indulging your kid in some other way, or he is autistic.