Possessive MIL?

[Anonymous]

Your husband needs to have a CTJ talk with her and then start enforcing boundaries. You have to think of this like raising a stubborn preschooler. Stop having the debates with her, don't give her an opening. Explain what the consequences will be, then enforce them swiftly and calmly.

MIL, if you ask about Friday again, then Saturday is off. Then do it.

[Anonymous]

It is good to practice saying “no” while the kid is still young. This pattern of hers where she puts her needs before the kid or her own child will become problematic.

This is why my mom ended up seeing very little of my kid in middle school and high school.

She put her need to be with her grandkid above his very restrictive health needs (he was ill, and needed to rest even though he didn’t always want to —drs orders)... once.

Her life got smaller.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t cancel the Hershey trip but I would refuse any future requests if she keeps asking.

Assuming that you have done the validate and add no details thing. “He is fun to hang out with, right? I see what you want more time with him! We will drop him off at 9 am Saturday- he is so excited!” Repeated verbatim to every comment or request from her. Don’t engage or try to win the argument.

[Anonymous]

Have DH speak with her and tell her to dial it back. The other posters are right-she doesn't take you seriously and doesn't respect you otherwise she wouldn't feel entitled to repeatedly attempt to steamroll your boundaries.

I wouldn’t cancel the Hershey trip-yet-but I would if she keeps pushing and would refuse any future requests.

Definitely take a nice month+ long break before phasing in visits again, less frequently until she proves she can respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

She has you trained quite well: asks for X, receives X. Asks for Y and Z, get told no. Whines, cajoles, and eventually, she gets X, Y and Z.

In the future she asks for X, you say yes. She asks for Y and Z, you say, "we agreed to X, if you ask again, there will be no X, Y or Z." Repeat as needed....

You need to set firm and consistent boundaries (this goes for your child too).

[Anonymous]

Don't punish your child for grandma's behavior by cancelling.

But I know how you feel, op. My FIL is the same and I don't know how to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

She needs to get a life. Hobbies, interests, friends, travel, exercise, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my young kids. I say “Asked and answered. Stop asking.”

I think you need to start canceling when she starts harassing you too much.

“Actually, MIL this visit is getting too stressful. We wanted to spend time with Larlo this weekend and were a little sad that he was going to be gone for most of it. I think it’s better if he stays home. “

[Anonymous]

Karen, you’re right, Saturday and Sunday is simply not enough time - let’s cancel the whole thing. When you’re right you’re right! I have to go, talk to you soon!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't punish your child for grandma's behavior by cancelling.

But I know how you feel, op. My FIL is the same and I don't know how to deal with it.

The only way to make it stop is to cancel when they behave this way.

If you don’t want to cancel, you don’t want it to stop. Maybe you like the attention? (Even negative attention is still attention.)

[Anonymous]

OP any update??