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Is money the reason why I don't have any friends?
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Anonymous
You know, I usually don't mention it either. And I really try to engage in a conversation to kinda show "see, I'm nice" and leave that aside, but most women will go with the "So what does your husband do?" or they'll ask me where I'm from, if I have family around and if my husband has family around... I always end up saying a "no, no husband" under my breath already knowing that this will only count points against me. |
Anonymous
Yep. ITA |
Anonymous
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I dont think a REAL FRIENDSHIP would matter if you are divorced or not if you make $300.0000000000000000000 a year or not.
and if your husband flirt with someone else... geez.... |
Anonymous
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You don't have to mention you are single. That bare ring-finger announces it, and their next question after spotting it "so, what does your husband do?" confirms their suspicions.
Like I said, it's petty, shallow and self-limiting but I hear it all the time from married and single moms. I used to be a single mom in my late 20's. Talk about feeling like a pariah! As if divorce is catching... or I'm interested in their goober husbands! |
Anonymous
I really hope OP find someone and stay AWAY of those soo called FRIENDS in TAKOMA or whatever she went to find friends.. |
Anonymous
OP here: The problem is I'm not really friends with these people, I'm trying to get to know them. I've lived in this area just for a couple of years and have no "real friends" here. Of course real friends wouldn't care. But potential friends apparently do. |
Anonymous
| Yes. |
Anonymous
OP, take them with a light-hearted approach. Start thinking of them as a mommy version of the carnival's Floating Duck Game. Keep turning 'em over and you'll eventually find the one that's a winner! Toss back the 1's and 2's! Seriously though, they are doing you a favor allowing you to cut your losses early. You just have to suffer through a lot of ducks! |
Anonymous
| I like your analogy. I guess I just wanted to have 2-3 good friends to hang out in this area. But it looks like I'm doomed. |
Anonymous
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Maybe there's a threadweaver opportunity here. Some moms are reading this and resolving to do better about including single moms. Others are posting about arranging meetups. Attend a meetup, see if the new awareness works for you. Or, just keep doing what you're doing and maybe you'll notice an improvement because of this thread.
I hope to spend some time at the playground this weekend. Probably Sunday, since tomorrow's going to be dismal. If you see me, let's chat! (And you don't need to know who I am, because I'm betting the sentiment applies to moms all over the area.) |
Anonymous
^^ Oh, and I should warn you... I'll probably ask, eventually, what you do. 
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Anonymous
I'll make sure NOT to start my answer with "I'm fortunate enough to..." or anything that might give you the idea that I'm arrogant about my choices or that I judge you for yours. 
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Anonymous
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OP - I'm a single mom too. I have some single mom friends - it's becoming more common as I get older - but most of my friends are either married (usually w/ kids or planning them) or single and child-free. While I don't necessarily feel "discriminated against", I'm sometimes slow to disclose my single status when I meet new people. Some people do have preconceived notions about single moms. (they may also have preconceptions about divorced moms, working moms, etc.)
If your child is young, like mine, it's easy to feel like there's not that many of us out there. I think that's because most married people are either still happily married while their kids are young or they put aside their problems for the sake of the kids, then they might split later. By the time our children are older, there will likely be more of their peers with divorced parents and we might feel more "normal." As for the money thing, I make a decent/good living, but it can be hard not to feel jealous or left out when you're a single mom living on less and a lot of your peers are married with two incomes, buying really nice houses. If I were married to my daughter's father we could be living in a pretty sweet house, but instead we're maintaining two smaller places. I try to tell myself that a bigger place would require even more upkeep than my current one, but I don't always believe myself. 
hang in there. |
Anonymous
| Don't feel too bad! You make more than me! |
Anonymous
Yeah, you know, I have never been asked "what does your husband do?" when I have just met someone on the playground or at the coffee shop, or the library. This may be because I work and normally ask what the other person does and the conversation goes from there. If someone would ask, I would just say "Its just my daughter and I" and smile. I will ask where their husband's work after though and a lot of times I end up knowing more about the husband's line of work bc I myself am in a male dominated field. I have plenty of single parent friends and married friends. BTW I would not expect to be invited to a couples type thing at a friend's house and too be honest, I probably wouldn't want to go if invivted. |