Managing a vacation house with relatives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering buying a vacation house in a popular lake/skiing location. We've researched this and it is a good investment. The area rents out very well. Its an area where we like to vacation. Its large enough to host multiple families and we like the idea of hosting family get togethers up there. It may also be somewhere where DH and would retire.

The only wrinkle is that we have some overbearing and pushy relatives who will jump on this. This will be their new go to vacation spot. They are cheap and mooch. They do not respect boundaries. They will sniff out whenever another family stays with us and then push that they get next dibs.

How do I keep these relatives at arms length while inviting and welcoming the normal ones to stay with us?

Does it have to be in that area, or can it be further from the moochers and closer to you?

You have the keys, but will others, too?

Seems too much potential for surprises, OP. I wouldn't do it, given the information you stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends and family discount is for only non high season

x1000000

[Anonymous]

"No" is a complete sentence. Tell them upfront the family and friends rate, and how long before they need to reserve. Make sure they pay before arrival.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't rent to them if you think that they are the types to take advantage of you. They do not need to know about this vacation property - at all.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this at a beach destination and finally had to directly say no, they couldn’t host or let people stay when they were not there. They tried saying they were renting but relatives found out after a while they owned. They kept going back and slipped when mentioned painting or decorating. Friends ended up being worse and more assuming than relatives. My parents started forwarding a website with local rentals and told people they’d love to meet up if they decide to also come for vacation but they were not able to host.

[Anonymous]

By your title I assumed you were saying you were making the purchase with family members. If not, don't share the info. We charge for any stays as we lose revenue and we don't offer free stays to anyone. If you are staying there, just state "we got a ski place for a week- would you like to come?" No reason to share that you own it.

[Anonymous]

Have a firm speech ready and stick to it. “We have heard several lesson learned stories about owning a vacation home and having awkward situations with family and friends. So, we are going to be upfront about our investment. It’s not intended to be an extended family resource. We will be renting it to offset the considerable cost and plan to use it ourselves when it’s not rented. We hope to be able to host friends and families periodically and we’ll let folks know when we do that.

Install a Ring doorbell and a code door lock so that you never have to give anyone a key. People like you describe would likely make a spare key for themselves if you ever have them a key for a weekend. The Ring will capture video of anyone who shows up unannounced so if you have family who might think it’s ok to sneak a visit (when they know you’re away in a vacation, for instance) they’ll be busted. And when pressed tell folks that the cost of your investment (mortgage, taxes, utilities) demands that you charge rent, even to family unless you guys offer a clear invite as guests.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. It’s your home, why would they feel entitled to use it? Don’t explain, do t try to reason or be reasonable. It will go over their heads. Just shut it down every time the conversation comes up about their using it or visiting. And definitely get used to being talked about. You can cry into your wine while looking at the lake

[Anonymous]

And if anyone ever tries to apply childish made up rules like “dibs” or “we got next” don’t laugh nervously along. Be ready to shut it down in real time: “what are we, five? there are no “dibs” rules applicable to our home.”

[Anonymous]

I have two aunts that are fighting with each other about a vacation house now. One aunt and uncle bought a really nice beach house. They have several children and grandchildren. They don't rent it out and like to use it.

Our other aunt and uncle are the self -appointed family organizers. This aunt controls the email list and insists on coordinating every family event. Her brother is the uncle with the beach house. He and his wife mentioned in passing doing a family get together there sometime and the controlling aunt jumped on it. She started making room assignments and determining who would sleep in sleeping bags. She sent out a flurry of emails instructing everyone how the event would go. She put in capital letters that she would be coordinating and to only contact her directly. Beach house aunt got mad and stopped her and canceled the event -which honestly I don't think ever was intended to be an event.

Next problem came up when beach house aunt and uncle had arranged for their kids and grandkids to come down. They invited us because our kids were the same age as two of their grandkids. Controlling aunt was angry that she was not invited. She sent out an email to the entire extended family inviting anyone who was excluded from Uncle Joe's get together to come to grandma's house for a backyard BBQ. Since it was last minute and others didn't want to join her drama, almost no one took her up on her BBQ and she was even more angry. Beach house aunt and uncle were also upset.

At some point they all made up but now beach house aunt and uncle have a problem with controlling aunt and uncle showing up unannounced. They will call saying that they are in the area and just want to stop by. They will then stay late and since its late say they'll just camp out on the floor. Beach house aunt has now instructed them that they are no longer welcome after this happening twice.

[Anonymous]

Don’t brag about your purchases and they won’t know you own it. Why not just “rent” your favorite place every summer?

[Anonymous]

OP don’t let the potential of pushy family stop you from creating this wonderful get away. You have every right to share with dome/not all. For us - #1 we’d never rent vacation house out but waited until we could comfortably afford. We got big enough that we have space for a few families to
join us (as eventually we see it as our kids/SO, grandkids and any in laws we enjoy using.) In the 6 years we’ve had we had relatives see it as the perfect (and free destination wedding venue (hard no!!), the family reunion hotel (we hosted a everyone for a couple dinners and the good bye brunch but no way could we accommodate 60 people (took in niece and her family and my parents, others rented houses or stayed at a nearby lodge.

We do not regret buying and the upset is easy to deal with as we don’t feel guilty-

[Anonymous]

Like other PP, I thought you were buying a vacation property together with the family. Happy to hear that this is not the case, as it is a terrible idea.

If you go ahead with the purchase, as other PPs said, must you mention this? Never ever extend an invitation to the family members or invoke a rule that you, the owner, will invite guests at your discretion when you and your own family are already on site. Don’t treat this place like a hotel.

Like the code lock and Ring doorbell idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like other PP, I thought you were buying a vacation property together with the family. Happy to hear that this is not the case, as it is a terrible idea.

If you go ahead with the purchase, as other PPs said, must you mention this? Never ever extend an invitation to the family members or invoke a rule that you, the owner, will invite guests at your discretion when you and your own family are already on site. Don’t treat this place like a hotel.

Like the code lock and Ring doorbell idea.

+1

It's not a hotel.